Want peace

I have had a relationship with a man for a number of years now, firstly as friends whereby he was also going off with numerous women, most of whom he still keeps in contact with alone despite our friendship growing into more. He has had a lot of life changing stress over the years and I supported him emotionally and financially. He never gave it his all even when he wanted to marry me and has even put some of these women before me behind my back regularly. Many years ago he drank heavily regularly and he was very violent towards me and since has not been supportive of me in any way and in fact has twisted the past and slandered me to anyone who doesn't know me, tried to lie and manipulate my friends and family, has threatened and put me down and will not stop or go away. All the while he has done this he has said he loves me and doesn't relate my obvious stress to being caused by him. My family and friends know how I feel (I have told him) they are too scared of his violence that all of them have witnessed even though he doesn't drink as much any more. He is in denial of his abusive behaviour (mental and emotional) and I have tried to give him the message nicely and not so nicely but he doesn't want to listen, and will not get help, what do I do.

We look for similar standards when we 'choose' life partners. Obviously, you've been bought up in a voilence free environment because you state your family and friends( we choose our friends) are scared of his voilence, so why are you in a relationship with this man? Why have you stayed with him? You state he says he loves you but you haven't mentioned your love here. Has he some kind of 'hold' over you? Add his heavy drinking to the voilence and I'm beginning to wonder how you even saw any compatabilty with this man. Were you in an evironment where heavy drinking and possible voilence is the norm to meet this man?? He has a problem, he needs to address it. You don"t. It's up to you whether you want to stay with him until he realises his issues...