Can I find a way to live with my partners anger issues?

Can anger be addictive like caffeine or nicotine? My boyfriend is a great guy but I wonder if he's addicted to anger, I mean does he need a certain minimum amount of anger in his life just to function? We met at work and our jobs and the company sucked, one of the things I loved about him was his honesty in standing up for his beliefs and saying the truth about the company and I put his aggressive style (shouting and swearing, smashing things) down to being a macho guy. When he left that job he was much happier at work but he became aware and angry about our domestic life; specifically our failing house and my friend Lisa who'd come to live with us for a while (arranged before he & I got together) I didn't think too much about this, the house was deteriorating rapidly and instead of being a helper Lisa was a total burden, I felt that his anger was justified even if a bit intense. Then he got a new job & we got a New house and the anger was about money, the new job was good but much less initial salary so he was angry at every cost-centre, at the bank and at his employer. The money went up but the job got bad so it reverted to like when we first met but it was a little harder for me to stay close to him as I was an outsider. Finally he got paid off from that job and we both thought "hooray! Bliss" 18 months since he has plenty of money and life's great for him, he loves his work and colleagues but ever since this change it seems his anger has been directed at me; he used to adore me and everything I did was right but now he hates me, he thinks I'm stupid & ugly & fat & lazy, whatever food I buy is wrong, if I cook a nice meal it's wrong, if I plan stuff it's wrong, if I don't have anything planned it's wrong. If I don't like one of his friends I'm wrong, if I like them and be myself with them it's wrong because I'm not being self-disciplined enough. I can't win, everything I do makes him angry with me & the more tine he depends angry with me the more things he finds about me that make him angry. He doesn't hit me but he is horrible to me & threatens to split us up and kick me & my son out of our home. It is exhausting, scary and is making he very unhappy - but aside from these episodes (approximately every 6 weeks) he is wonderful. It seems like with everything else so good I am the only thing left to be mad at? I am the new Bain of his life. He won't talk about us except when he wants to "address our relationship" I have tried and failed to initiate such a discussion and if I try to share my feelings he is annoyed that i am not properly listening to him so I stop. Is there anything I can do or is this just doomed to failure & misery? And am I right that he's addicted to anger?

Yes, anger is addictive. If left to fester for long enough, it becomes a way of life. People who have anger issues use it to get their way (controlling) and it's their way of dealing with issues which arise in everyday life. It becomes a habit. It becomes bigger than the event that set it off initially. You are becoming isolated from your BF because of his anger and you will always the first to experience it because you are the closest to him. He has a problem but you don't have to live with it. The misery you state you're experiencing now will only increase unless your BF seeks professional help. If you state, you cant' win, it' scary and exhausting and your son is in the middle of all this as well, then you have every reason to move on from this man. It's not so much about his behavior,... it's about you and your son's well being and safety.

This is a little contrary to the other feedback, but I don't think you should leave him. I deal with my own anger sometimes and I sure wouldn't want my husband to leave me over that. If he really does love you then he might be dealing with having too many unrealistic expectations. He should get some anger counseling. You and him might be having communication problems. Try to get him talking about a problem calmly before he bottles it up and explodes. Ask how he's feeling more. You are the victim, if you can't deal with him or if he ever hits you- leave.