Unfixiable weight insecurity

I have a very bad insecurity issue with my weight, I am extremely petite and I hate it more than anything. Please don't give the speech about eating more bs, I've heard that everywhere and trust me, this hurts me every minute of every single day how tiny I am. I have a very high metabolism so now matter how much I eat, I do not gain an ounce, so if I knew of a solution to gain weight, I would have jumped on that right away years ago. Anywho, before me & my bf of two years dated, he used to point out specific body types in which he admired, (we were only friends at the time, nothing else.) and what he pointed out what always the complete OPPOSITE of me, curvy. So I knew what he liked already but now he denies it and I feel so low because I can't give him what he truly desires, I don't feel comfortable anywhere we go, in anything I wear, it's just depressing and has literally taken over my happiness. Trust me, I'm not sick either, every doctor I've seen has recommended eating more or just waiting a few more years to put some weight on, umm yeah, not happening. So, my question is, should I be with him if I don't feel like I 100% satisfy him? or if I'm as attractive to him as he wished? He's never done or said anything to make me have doubts, but I know what his type was before we got together, it can't just change right? I honestly love him dearly, but I do not want him to feel like he's stuck with me cause of new baby, I'd rather us both go separate ways and find our happiness. But everytime I mention it he tells me I'm stupid for thinking all of that and we need to stay together as a family, he wants to be together. I feel like I don't want to get involved with him or anyone else because of my weight issues/insecurities. I worry more about it when I'm in a relationship. My weight isn't changing, neither is my depression over it, I feel like everytime we go somewhere he's looking at every other beautiful girl with a better body wishing he had her or something similar. I just hate wearing shorts and spaghetti strap shirts and going anywhere in general now. It sucks :( This has been a problem for at least around 8+ years, I am now 23. I've asked doctors for medication that makes you gain weight and they just say that I'm young and I'll put on more over the years. Yeah right, when. I'm 5'2'' 100 lbs. For my height that's about only 15lbs underweight on average. I don't care about that, I want to be at least 150. NOTHING HAS EVER WORKED. I'm going to try drinking Ensure or Boost, I've heard they help. But even then, I hate that I would have to constantly keep up with something in order to maintain my desired weight. I literally hate when girls cry about losing weight cause they are "fat." I WISH I had love handles and fat hanging over my jeans. I'm just so desperate to be happy, that's all I want. And my stupid metabolism is just screwing up every bit of it. I can't really blame myself for not wanting to be with my bf, because of my weight, it's not like I can easily fix it. I know about all the insecurity sayings, that's it not attractive and blah blah, well a female not having curves (as 95% of society THINKS it isn't either). People always tell me omg you're so tiny! And I literally every single time just want to say, "Um yeah thanks for pointing that out, I didn't notice that while I was crying looking at myself into the mirror all last night." It really hurts. Before I used to really care about what people say and I wanted to gain more just to stop hearing all that crap, but now, it's because I am truly unhappy this way. And I mean depressed to where I do not want to enjoy my life the way I want to, as in being outside, going places, nothing. I just want to stay home all day. I can't even be happy in my relationship because I don't feel like I'm giving him enough. Sometimes I wish I could just find a guy who only liked skinny girls, so that I wouldn't have to worry about him not being satisfies. Who am I kidding, even then I wouldn't be happy. It's not something I can just ignore or forget, or "feel" beautiful. I have no meat on me! And there's not a damn thing to change it. I feel so depressed as to not wanting to be in this world anymore because I'm so tired of hoping that this will change. I just don't know what to do anymore...

Vinnie, when we look for life partners we instinctively know if a person is right for us. Looks, body shape, etc and even age don't get a look in when we finally connect with the right partner for us. It's because we see beyond these things and we see what's 'inside' the other person. In other words the person's morals, values and standards. If you love your BF and it's reciprocated then let it be. He accepts you just the way you are. Believe it or not, your BF is the best thing you can have to help you overcome your insecurity because of those little things he says to reassure you. You state that you honestly love this man dearly?...then just let him do the same to you and be happy together.

Thanks :) makes me feel a bit better to think of it that way. IT can't be post partum because I have always felt this way. Before both of my kids were born. It's never gone away. The only depression I had since having my baby is that I immediately lost weight and got back to normal weight within not even two weeks. And by being "obsessed," I'm only obsessed with the thought of gaining weight to look like a normal female. I am so tiny and I seriously feel that I look exactly the same as when I was 15. I don't want to go out or anywhere because of how I feel about my body which is very very low. I can't see how that makes me obsessed with myself. It's more for me than for my bf or anyone else. Shallow Hal is probably the complete opposite, from what I've heard. My newborn is probably the only thing that does make me happy actually. And work because I'm so busy I don't have time to think about this bs. Everytime I look into my baby's eyes, all my problems and worries go away. I may be depressed or feel low, but once I look at her or have her in my arms, nothing else matters to me except her health and happiness. I put others happiness before my own, always. If it weren't for this weight issue I wouldn't have a single thing to cry about right now.

Wow , First let me say this my first wife was 98 lbs 5.6 when we married had 3 kids , NEVER even pregnant did she go over 100 lbs . She was a doll no curves but I still loved her for her . ALOT of women would kill to be in your shoes , Look at it this way maybe , I'm healty, Have a wondfull family that loves me and I can see my feet when i look down .

wow I can really relate to that, I have two kids and never over 100lbs besides being pregnant, I reached 145 first time and 137 my second time. All of it disappeared within two weeks and I'm back to 100lbs all over again. Lots of girls make comments, Oh I wish I would've lost my weight that fast or I wish I were as small as you! And every single time I say, no you don't trust me, I HATE being this small. I'm trying to look at the situation from different views, but I just can't seem to overcome it.

I have been struggling with my weight in the past until i saw a method which helped me lose weight, and i am so happy that i want to share it with everyone who's going through that difficult situation, if you desperately want to lose weight here's is my email address [e-mail address removed] i can help you :)

Yeah that's not the problem here exactly. It's much easier said than done. I'm struggling with weight gain. I've tried almost everything and nothing works. So for now I'm doing an experiment drinking boost plus and in about 4-5 days I've gained two lbs. so I think I've finally found something that is going to help.