Lack of life

Hi All I`m 41 years old Male and have been with my partner for 19 years. We have 3 kids and apparently she loves me ! My problem is this :- I dont Drink, Smoke, or go to the Pub at all, in fact its got to the point were i dont feel like doing anything at all :( Even at the slightest hint of me suggesting going out or doing anything on my own, my other half - starts coming up with reasons why I cant do it ! ie "You have a Family at home" or "It costs Money to do that ! What am i going to get if you do that ?". Which just makes me feel bad and not want to do it anymore. I have never stopped her going out or doing anything she wants ever ! As this is just not in my nature. I have no Male or Female friends as i never go out anymore and if I do she wants to know were im going, who with, how long im going to be ? And if i say I dont know how long all Hell Breaks loose. I have recently started going to an Air Rifle Club once a week which costs £2.50 for 3 Hours . I DONT know what to do now as some of the Guys that go have asked me to go to the outdoor Range which is on a different day of the week and further away ! I mentioned it to my partner and she said "no as I allready went during the week". I am frightened to make new friends as I know they will ask me to go out or do things socialy etc, knowing that if I said Yes to them I would look Stupid because she wont let me do it. I am a very shy person and I have no self confidence at all and a very low self asteem. Just lately ive lost the will to anything and dont know were to turn ? Can anyone Help or offer me some advice ? Thanks Steve

hi steve,you do need to have a social life u dont say if you and your wife go out together as a couple,why does she fell so threatened when she thinks your going out has something happened in the past to make her feel like she does, seems like your doing everythinng to please her and getting nothing back as for going out once a week and its in the day there is nothing wrong with that you should make a stand say if she goes out with her mated theres nothing wrong with you going to the air rifle club then say the boys there have invited you to gomout for a drink and that you,d like to go for an hour whats good for one is good for the other.

I think she has got away with controling you for so long now that she feels it her god given right to do so. if you try and change it now all hell will break loose. its sounds to me like your just going to shut up and put up with it but if you had the guts to stand up to her i think you would find the ball would be in your court. what you scared of ? lifes to short. put your foot down but shes not going to like it so be strong good luck

oh no, this is terrible! if this was the other way round everyone would probably tell you to 'let your hair down, buy new make-up, have a girly night out and leave that jealous controlling man' unfortunately people are asking you- what did you do to make her like this!!!! shame! i feel like giving you a hug you sound lovely :) why dont you ask if the boys can come round for poker or something? that way she can meet these people and feel part of your social life, then when you want to go out just say stuff like "gary has asked me out!" that way she can relate to who your with and feel less threatened! its an idea! it works for me and my jealous man, i just make sure he knows where i am, who i am with and he can call me anytime! less stressful for everyone involved and it will get easier i promise :)

Hi Carebear that would never happen she wouldn`t allow me to have them at our house as she says "There your friends not mine i dont want to go to your friends" as they are my friends not hers even though they are just aquaintences ! The best bit is i haven`t been with any other woman apart from her I was a Virgin when i met her :( but Shit happens so im stuck in a Rut and im fat and ugly so who`d want me :)

hi there, you need some sellf confidence and she needs to grow up shes bullying her and until you stand up for yourself she,ll keep doing it, go to your air rifle club and if she dont like it tough.

Further more if your rifle mates have asked you to join them for another rifle event, it means they obviously like your company. So that should boost you! I realise this comment is 4 months after your initial post., so let us know how its going! Everyone should have some separate clean interests from their other halves anyway...its healthy!

Things calmed down for a while and i was going on a Thursday night to the indoor range with my mates.... But i havent been for the last few months because she says we cant afford it for me to go as im allways wasting MONEY ! Even though we get over £300 a week i dont see a penny of it , and i certainly dont put it in diesel as i dont go anywhere. Also there is a competition shoot every Sunday which most of my friends go to at the outside range. But she has decided to let our 10 year old daughter go to Football practice on a Saturday and Sunday which i have too take them all as she cant drive ! Plus I really hate football .So i cant do anything on a weekend now either , so no more offroading.... :( I dont feel like doing anything anymore . I know it might be me being paranoid but it seems that everytime I say something that she doesnt like or criticise her in anyway i get ill and are allways sick for days with stomach bugs , but if i dont say anything an dont go out, or oppose her in any way im fine . I mentioned it to her and she said i was being stupid ,and to grow up. Im now seeing a Depression councillor , as its getting too me so much now... All we argue about is Money - ie if I want any too do something ! But if she needs any its ok for her and the kids but not me.... Sorry for ranting on but any help would be greatly appreciated .... Steve

Hi Steve, I have been looking at the responses and nothing seems to be working for you. Just a thought, if your other half says you can afford to go out etc & you want to go on your shooting events, a possible way forward is to perhaps get an evening job behind a bar or a job where you meet the general public. This way it's dress up as you trying to help with the finances, but in reality your confidence is being boosted, your meeting new people and your earning a few quid in the bargain, but the other side to this is that you can now justify going out on the shooting events, as you can say to her, I'm going out earning more money, therefor i am going to treat myself and spend a few quid on what i want to do, after all you earned the money. all the best Howard