Trying to get my ex back - decent progress but now what

quick breakdown of the situation: -gf of 3 years and i started arguing, she left back in august -became slightly agressive, started dating new guy within 2 weeks of breakup -i did all the mistakes (beg, plead, show up in suit n tie, etc) -made her go full-rage mode. well, it's been a battle uphill since then, lots of trouble, many times I thought I was completely screwed. I eventually gave in and got "coaching" from this site i googled (www.zoomonkey.com if anyones curious) and though i thought i wasted my money, the results seem to be working to my advantage. when this all started she wouldnt even talk to me. she would literally say she hates me, wants nothing to do with me, etc etc. since then i've slowly gotten the anger to calm. shes admitted she misses me. she even said "i love you still" a couple times (thats -huge- compared to where I was), but shes still with loverboy and doesn't look like shes budging from it. On new years we met up, one of the few reasons we were talking was for her to give me the last of my stuff, when she dropped it off she looked like she was going to cry a few times and wound up going angry again, lashing out at me. if igured that was the end of it all. well, surprise surprise a few days later just as the coach guy expected, she contacted me. it was about some mundane, pointless stuff, an obvious excuse just to talk to me. However shes been very distant. she did it 2 more times (send me a txt, i respond, she might respond one short reply or not at all, then vanish) and i followed through with the last bit of advice i got and decided to initiate a conversation with her. surprisinigly she took to it (still very distant, but shes replying without being rude or mean), but i don't want to mess this up. How much do i talk to her? how light should it be? i don't really know what to do...i've never been in a situation like this, shes obviously not ready to have normal conversation, but shes actually responding without being agressive...

The arguments, after 3 years together, caused your GF to walk out & hook up with someone else within 2 weeks of the breakup. You have to accept that even though she's talking to you and says the right things..she misses you etc... doesn't mean she'll come back but her actions are demonstrating she wants/needs to talk to you. Importantly, you need to think about why it happened in the first place. What were you arguing about? What caused the arguments? Why did you GF become aggressive? You're trying to solve an issue now but you need to look into the 'future' and ask yourself if the cause of the initial arguments were little things or major issues because if you do get back together then you will need to sort these things if you are to succeed with your relationship. And how are you going to deal with the fact she's with someone else now if you do get back together?

Hi BCANDED6244, Given the fact that I as a complete stranger cannot fully understand the whole scope of the situation, please bare with me as I am only trying to help. :) With that being said, ask yourself: "What can come out of either of us reconciling now?" Is it going to be more beneficial to you or her? From the way you've described things it seems you are dragging things out for a shred of hope that she'll give in, say she loves you and set things up for a potential re-creation of what happened the last time. I always say- if someone wants to be with you- they will. You'll know it and you won't have to ask complete strangers about it. That sounds harsh, believe me- I've been there. Its hard to let the 'idea' of happiness go so quickly but frankly (and realistically)it seems she's moved on. Continuous contact with her is only going to set you both back emotionally and I truly believe your time could be better spent nurturing another relationship. We all tend to forget that there are billions of other people in the world and that there are at least a couple thousand that we can be compatible with (your odds are definitely better than playing the Powerball!). While its nice to be on speaking terms with the exes we all accumulate over a lifetime- we all must be careful that we are doing things for the right reason. Our 'microscoped' emotions tend to miss other opportunities because we hone in (and focus really well) on one. If you want to play the game, I say continue BUT do expect further emotional turmoil. I say give yourself the best (and most honest) assessment that you can about this relationship and if there is any doubt, keep it moving. I do believe relationships should be more secure in nature vs. insecure so this is said by me with your happiness in mind. Good luck.

She's started to talk 2 u n telling u the very basics of what u want 2 hear so that she can keep u as a friend and/or a back-up plan should her present relationship sour! Trust me when I say if she wants you back an it's meant to be, then it will sooner or later! If it's not meant 2 be it's never gonna happen unfortunately! You've not given in but on the same note you don't wan to be making yourself annoying! tell her exactly how you feel one more time and then leave her alone! Don't contact her by any means again, however, if she contacts you then go ahead and respond as best u can, fine, keep a dialogue going etc, but always respond and never initiate! In the meantime you have to understand that the chances are she will never take you back - it hurts like hell but your gonna need to start the process of getting over her and moving on! I know it's easy to say this but u can't keep your life on hold! After a few months you will start to feel like dating again, after 3-6 months I reckon u will start to get over her and things will be a little easier - that's the start ov the right path, the recovery process. Get dating man, from my personal experience when a girl sees u are moving on - that's when your likely to get her back - if she still loves you it will hit her and she will let you know how she feels, the balls in your court then, you have a big desicion to make - if she has no feelings for you then she will let you get on with your life but at least that's exactly what you will be in the process of doing

I have to agree with Exsquad on this one. Figure out why you want her back. Is it for marriage, or just to keep her around? Date other people, keep your mind off this for a bit so you can see more clearly, that you are a great guy and someone else will see that. If she doesn't get a nudge from seeing you dating other people that you are serious, keep it moving! Let her go, and yes it will be hard to let her go but you will be better off in the end. She dated someone else within 2 weeks of your breakup so she had her own agenda. Seeing other people maybe what you both need, for a while. If you end up back together it was meant to be, if not, you gave it a chance.