I'm lost

I've been dating the woman I thought that I could spend the rest of my life with and be happy for a little over 5 years. We've known each other for 8, all the way from back in high school. The relationship has a ton of ups, she got me a snake that I never knew I wanted (which I thoroughly enjoy) and my dog (who I can no longer live without). She's always been a bit outgoing sexually. She likes multiple partners and has always told me about her desires and everything. When we started dating, she was remaining exclusive but then it soon came to a point where she asked me if she could do this or that with other people. Like an idiot I said yes. I said yes because I was desperate. I said yes because I wanted her to like me. I said yes because I wanted her to love who I was. So I took the heartache that came with it. But I stuck with it and she slowly started coming around to seeing what it was like to be with one person. I've done my best to be the best boyfriend I could be. Her family adores me. I do all sorts of odd jobs and have taken care of her during her worst phases. I usually don't ask for anything from her. I try to be as open and welcoming as possible, no matter how much it hurts. My question is this: what should I do when she doesn't want me anymore? What do I do when she turns her back to me because I made the mistake of ignoring her? She told me she doesn't know if she wants me around like I've always been anymore. She doesn't know what she wants. She's always been like that, indecisive and impulsive. But now that she's questioning the relationship she has with me, I'm starting to do the same. I'm not a great guy; I'll be the first to humbly say I've screwed up a ton of times. I'm obnoxious and sometimes abrasive. Do I deserve her? Do I deserve the heartache she gives me? At what point should I say "This isn't working. Maybe we should stop."? At what point do i give up and move on? Maybe I'm too used to having her around to not want to change and doing everything I can to keep her around is my escape from the thoughts. And even then... the need to belong in me is damn near overpowering. I need to feel like I'm giving myself to someone and they in turn do the same. I feel like I've wasted 8 years trying to convince a girl that I am worth her time. I love her. I probably will never get over that. I hold back tears even as I type this, and I have no idea what to do. I've been wanting someone, her or otherwise to tell me it's not going to work, or we will get through this. I don't know what to do anymore. She doesn't want to figure out what she wants, she wants the impulse of wanting me to comeback again. That's what it feels like. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe deep down she misses me and I am just acting like a selfish fool who just can't wait anymore. Maybe we need time. Can someone help me? I'm tired of waiting to know whether or not to be heartbroken. I'd much rather just get it over with. I know this is a tangent, sorry, I just don't know where else to go to talk to someone.

Herointrouble, I am no expert in love, but I'm in a six year relationship and see what it's like on her side of the relationship. I know you love her very much but don't forget that love is mutual and you have to do what's best for you. I think you should tell her how you feel and where this relationship will go. She's been with you for a long time for a reason so I think she does care alot, but she might not be ready to be exclusive or committed yet. Give her space, bc when u try to convince her to be w/ you she'll feel pressured and resent you. I hope things go well with you, and you find happiness...