Separation

So I talked to my wife a few days ago..ive been separated from her a little over 3 weeks now and she is living with her brother and sister...She told me on the phone the other day that she thinks it is over for real...I told her she needs to tell me whether or not it really is over and not if you think because ive been a wreck the past 3 weeks not knowing...so she told me it was over!!! So I asked her the next day if she filed for a divorce, and she said no not yet and asked why? I responded back and said are you filing for a divorce? She said no not yet and that she really has thought about it much? I don't understand if she says its over, but she still isn't really thinking about a divorce then what am I Suppose to think..is it really over or is she still just confused and out of anger because I keep asking her about us and she doesn't like to talk much about it just saying it is over? I don't understand this at all anyones input would be great...I mean we have been together for 9 years and married for almost 3 and have a 5 year old daughter. If you knew us and our relationship you would understand how confused I am because we were completely in love with each other, and when I was away in the military for almost a year everyday she wrote me letters ssaying how much she loved me and us being apart has made her realize how much she loves me and cant imagine her life without me and that no matter how hard it gets she is going to love me and be with me no matter how hard times get...so now that this happened I am so confused I know this past year has been rough for her because I was in school full time not really being able to work and provide much money for us which I understand why she is upset and if I could take it back I would have done stuff different and that we had to live at my parents longer than expected and all this made her depressed and had to get on anxiety medication which I feel horrible about, so I just don't know if she just isn't thinking straight right now and not really looking at the big picture or she is getting bad advice from who knows who?? We were looking at houses together the week before she left me and now all this..then I catch her hanging out with this guy she works with..she told me that they are just friends and that she has found comfort hanging out with him and talking through all our problems. she brings him around her brother and sister that she lives with a few times now, so ladies who read this can you help me out with this?? Do you think she is cheating or do you think she really is just friends and he is just being nice right now and she likes the attention? I don't know what to think...or how I should handle us right now...I don't want to move on and im not ready for that either because I have hopes she will realize that she wants to be with me...im worried about this guy too and I just want to know how I should handle all this right now??

Jm, you're basically grieving for your 9 year relationship. My 25 year marriage ended with my wife walking out, but she sent me confusing signals and messages for months because she didn't understand her actions and couldn't explain them at the time. She can now with the benefit of retrospect after nearly 6 years of divorce because time has allowed her to. So, I can tell you upfront, when this happens, you need to step back and wait..it's not easy..but the pain you're experiencing now only gets worse if you 'push' the issue, believe me. If she has anger about the relationship, or she is getting angry because you're in her face, then it's best to back off. I coped by doing things I'd never done before. I got super fit, went to the gym..'punished' myself?...maybe...but it was my way of coping. You need to look out for yourself here and realize the ball's in her court. Nothing you do or say will improve the situation. You need to 'distance' yourself. She's using the other guy as a 'sounding board' and it doesn't matter what his intentions are, she's doing the wrong thing by bringing a stranger into your affairs. But there's nothing you can do about this. I know, she should be talking to you, but she isn't ready to. You need to distance yourself and realize that when your wife has the NEED to resolve your relationship, whichever it goes, then it will happen then and not before. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and look out for yourself.

Doesn't look like she is cheating. More looks like she is trying to get her thoughts straight by speaking to a friend. There is nothing you can do about this guy and if you attempt something can worsen the situation. Like mentioned above...take a step back and wait. Call her and continue to speak but don't broach the separation topic. Talk about your daughter, talk about the common day to day happenings. Just chat as if you were friends without putting emotional pressure. They say women fall in love through ears and men through eyes. Which means if you have to get back to her it has to be through her ears. Say sweet things about her, pamper her when you get a chance. Thats the only way you can make up for everything. Don't think back saying if I had done this it might not have turned this way. Past is past cannot be changed. But future can be. Wish you all the best.

Follow manalone's advice, that's excellent advice from someone who has come through your situation. Stop pestering her - the more u do it the longer it will take to resolve this situation and the more damage u will do to getting the outcome you are praying 4!! This could go either way - there's a good chance she will want you back but u also have to accept that rite now she don't want u and u guys are over! You have to do all the right things - and understand that this could take anywhere between 2 - 10 months to come to a conclusion, either way!!!! Do not contact her by any means If she contacts you then this is your que to communicate - and only if she initiates Don't use your kid as a chance to see her, if u need to contact her regarding the child try n go through parents or in-laws Get training - eat healthy - groom better than u normally would, these things will keep u occupied and also on the rare occasion u see her when picking up your child she's gonna notice u look better and also maybe wonder why! Do not mention the subject though n if she does then brush it off As for this man she's spending time with, there's not a goddamn thing u can do about it. Your wife probs just wants an independent males opinion n friendship but obviously he fancies his chances - again there is nowt u can do! She probably will sleep with someone - she's human n probably low and confused like you are! Mite not be him she sleeps with though ! No matter how devastating this is - it could work in your favour, women apparently connect sex with emotion more than men and so it won't compare to being with u on that level If she gets back with you it will be when u least expect it and have probably given up all hope

Thank you for everyones advice...with time since its been about a month since she left its been getting a little easier..obviously I still think about her a lot. I haven't always taken your guys advice by leaving her alone and I have been doing better...I realize me pestering her about us has made our situation worse and she has gotten very angry about it...I feel if I would have left her alone in the first place it could be better but I didn't and I have to live with that it was just hard. She just sent me confusing signals ecspecially last week when she agreed to come over to my place alone without our child. I was shocked she said she would it was even her idea to do so...when she first saw me she had the biggest smile on her face I tried kissing her a few times and she did a little but pulled away smiling and laughing like she wanted it and liked my attention but wouldn't give in...the next was valentines day and she even agreed to go to dinner together with our daughter...I got her some nice gifts and wanted to make her feel special...but she texted me right before we went out to dinner saying how this isn't changing her feelings about us and that she shouldn't be going to dinner with me because she felt it was leading me on and confusing our child...I was so excited about valentines day and she seemed excited too then I got that text it ruined my day...anyways she still came over I gave her my gifts I didn't really get the reaction I wanted so it kinda upset me...we drove to dinner and like an idiot I started talking about us and that guy and it made the night horrible where I ended up leaving her and got picked up by a friend so we didn't argue anymore..i didn't undersatand how she was so sweet the day before then all of a sudden her mood changed it really confused me...so anyways now shes telling me its definitely over and she wants a divorce and stuff and for me to move on with my life...I don't know if she is saying that out of anger about what happened or she is completely serious I feel she is serious...anyways her best friend talked to me and feels that her saying that is still not a 100% yes that she will actually go through with it...im hopin if I leave her alone like I have been now maybe shell realize what we had and miss me again im trying to stay positive and work on me cuz obviously I need it just as much as she does...as for that guy I have no idea what hes about whether shes cheating or not it don't matter shell do what she will do...she swears she hasn't yet snd he just makes her happy and that's all it is as of now...I still don't understand y he was in her room and her friend told me she knew about this guy months before she left me telling me that this guy has been trying to hang out with her for months but that she kept telling him no cuz she was still with me at the time..she never mentioned this to me about him and I guess for good reasons that id get mad ecspecially if she really was telling him no, but its weird he felt he could keep asking her to hang out if she wasn't sending signals to him?? im confused but im gonna leave her alone, I just have so many unanswered questions that makes this worse, but only time will tell what will happen between us

Mate, I feel 4 u I really do / your not unique though an this kindda shit happens all the time, but glad your realising both you and your woman's actions this 1st month of seperation have in no way improved your situation and could have made things worse. U know now to stay the hell away from her. U can fight for her and still win this if u truly believe she's worth it an you love her! U need to realise you could easily loose her forever aswell though, mate don't even talk to mutual friends about stuff - it's gonna get back to her 4 sure! Yeah she's angry. Yeah she's confused. And due to this she is thinking she don't love u enough and that the grass is greener wiv another guy !!! Thing is, u can't really prove your the best man 4 her - it's gonna be down to her realising that fact!!! Only space will let her come to that conclusion. Seriously, follow manalone's advice ! I wanna share with u a high risk strategy: start moving on, take care of yourself, train, in a couple ov months start dating - even start seeing a woman, don't tell her, don't rub it in her face - she's the mother of your kid and a woman - she will find out- even though she hates u rite now !!! 4-5 months down the line that mite make her realise she's the one loosing u forever - situation reversed and if she don't want u back at least your half way to movin on bro! I don't recommend this strategy as official advice ! Don't try and second guess her, don't try and understand what the hell is goin on in her head - u my friend will never know, women in her situation are basically insane! Sorry ladies !!!

I'm very confused about my seperation. My wife left me after me taking care of my Grandfather 92.... after 5 yearsShe told me 2 years ago iI need to do ssomething about Him ....because I was puttiing Him first and not Her . Anyway She left me 6 months ago to live out of state with Her daughter .We always talked and planned on moving to Texas in May . The communication stripped when she broke Her phone and had to send it off to get fixed ....3 and a half weeks went by and finally I emailed one of Her friends .Told Her I was worried , well she said that day She was texting Her and she was OK ...just hated the weather ...I asked Her friend why is she not calling me or texting ....she said she was confused ...and she didn't know what to say to me anymore ....she said we grown apart and it happens to married couples ....Wife said in a tex she would call me in a couple days ...Now after she said that I ask Her to call now because I was flipping out .....She never called ....and it's been them couple days ....she still hasn't called ......all this stuff is going through my head ...She has someone else....She wants a divorce etc.....Please Help with insight

Right now she is damn angry. Give a gap and take a step back and wait, don't initiate things but don't cut off from her totally unless of course you want to forget her and move on. Total distance creates misunderstandings further. Don't ever mention the other guy. Its obvious he wants to take his chance but its also clear that she is still confused and wants to work things out between you both. But one wrong action from you can ruin the whole thing. Don't show her that you are downright upset and crave for her instead just be your jolly self. Concentrate on things that make you happy. Even when you both meet, keep it happy and exciting. Don't mention anything that would irritate her and spoil the mood. Don't discuss the 'what went wrong with our relationship'...won't work. Don't talk to her friends....will anger her further. As for her sending out signals to the guy, I can tell you this much we women are soft and caring by nature. Many times our caring is misunderstood as positive signals by guys. The very fact that she said no to him means that she wasn't intending to send any signals.