Fork in the road

I find it extremely hard to return home to my partner after I’ve been away for a week at work because I know she will be drunk. She drinks lightly during the week but on Friday nights she goes out with her friends and really let’s go. Her excuse is she’s had a hard week. We’ve been on/off for about 3 years. We lived together then split then got back together. The main cause was of our split was my dislike for her drinking and her dislike of my lifestyle which is field account management. Consequently I come in contact with people she doesn’t like. I’ve tried turning a blind eye to her drinking, tried talking to her and in the early days she tied to blame me for it but I know she’s drank for years, long before I met her. And while she did her utmost to blame me, it was water off a ducks back and I told her so. She may make me happy but not when she’s drinking. We’ve sat down and discussed things where we can improve our relationship but she always needed a couple of drinks first to open up properly. Now I come to a fork in the road, I’m thinking of walking away again because I’ve had enough and if my actions tell me, I don’t want to be near her when she is drinking then I’m better off away from her completely. After doing 60 hrs in 5 days, I need to soft place to fall, not an empty house. The kicker is she just thinks it’s normal. She doesn’t understand how we all appreciate coming home after being away to loving, caring embrace and not a slurring, reeking wreck. She’s going OS later this year and wants me to drop everything to go with her but I’m having doubts as to whether this is a good thing. Yeah, I wouldn’t mind seeing the world, but something tells me don’t do it this way. Your advice is much appreciated.

Hi OZ- It sounds like your lady has a drinking problem. Just because she only drinks lightly or whatever it is, she is in denial that it is a problem. That spells addiction. You on the other hand, I believe are trying to love the woman you want her to be, not the one she is. You deserve to have that soft place to fall, and you should not settle for less than what you seek. I just ended a 5-year relationship and sit here feeling all the emotions of a break-up, crying tears, not running to someone else, etc. I do know that when I reflect, I am/did settle for less than what I seek in a partner. I am slowly taking my power back and trusting that this is happening for a reason and is part of my life plan. I am not sure I have been helpful at all, but if your "gut" is telling you something is not right, listen to it. When we listen to that little voice, it steers us in the right direction. Keep your chin up and I hope you get the clarification you are needing.

Listen to your inner voice. From what I heard I don't think she can stop her drinking and from what you are expressing I don;t think you can live with that either. You both have to sit together and decide (when she is not drunk).