Different definition of appropriate pot use impacting relationship

I'm currently in a relationship with someone whom I love dearly. We seem to share a similar foundation, but have enough differences that we challenge each other to step out of our comfort zones and become better versions of ourselves. We're pretty good at communicating and working through issues, but there has been one issue that comes up over and over again, and although sometimes I think we make progress, we consistently go in circles and wind up back at square 1. The issue is ultimately that we have different views/definitions of appropriate pot use, and these differences have resulted in a lack of trust, which has been very damaging. To better set the stage, my boyfriend is a really open, active person who embraces life, and doesn't care what others think of him and his choices. I absolutely admire this, and he's encouraged me to make positive changes in my life along these lines. In college he started smoking pot regularly. I smoked in a bit in high school and college, and enjoyed it more than drinking. It was never a huge part of my life, but I can see that it's not a horrible drug, and can be used in a very responsible way. In the past years it hasn't been a big part of my life, and I would be fine if I never did it again. However, it's become a larger part of my boyfriend's life, and he doesn't just smoke, but he feels so strongly about the benefits of it that he's an advocate, and wants to pioneer a world where it's as common and accepted as anything else. I would love for the world to be like that, but the reality is that many people are uncomfortable about pot, it's illegal in most places in this country, and it's not yet a common and accepted thing. For that reason, I would prefer that it's a compartmentalized part of my life...that if I choose to partake occasionally, it's in a responsible manner, around friends that I trust and who I know are ok with it, and no one else needs to know. Similarly, if my boyfriend wants it to be a regular part of his life, well, I'd rather it not be, but I won't tell him to stop, I just ask that he respects my boundaries and wishes related to this. This is where the problem is. We have different definitions of what's appropriate. He thinks that he should be able to smoke in any situation including in front of my colleagues or parents, or our kids (if we should have any), he also thinks that it's perfectly fine to smoke and drive, which I'm really not comfortable with. I work in the corporate world, and love challenging the status quo, but don't need them to know what I do on my own time. And as it relates to family - my family is really openminded, but we've had some experience with drug addiction, and it's given us a bit of a biased view on pot that's hard to shake. I don't think they should need to know about this part of his life. I think that it can be separate. And as for kids, I really believe in the power of honesty and transparency, but I really don't feel comfortable with pot being something they're around much, just as I don't want my kids seeing me drink all of the time. Ultimately we have different definitions of what's appropriate, and because we don't agree, I feel like I can't trust his judgment in certain situations. I hate this, because I want him to feel respected and trusted, and I know it must be hurtful to not be trusted, but if I don't intervene, things have happened that made me very uncomfortable. one example is that he would have smoked pot in front of my company mentor, even after I told him I wasn't ok with smoking around my colleagues, he justified it since I was going to move to a new role in the company, which is twisted logic to me. So now to my question: how can I help him see that I'm not trying to hold him back from enjoying pot, but I'm just asking for my boundaries to be respected? Is it fair for me to ask him to do it in a more covert way? If we disagree so much on what's appropriate, will we ever be able to align, or will the conflict just increase as our lives continue to join together? Trying to decide whether we need to go our own ways, or whether we can get past this. Thoughts?

I believe You have the more conservative way of thinking , Your thinking like adult about it. He has probably always thought this way ...You lead by example . My wife smokes a little pot and I'm a recoverying addict ...I never used until lately pot .....when she left me ...You sound like a smart women he will come around

Anony, take pot out of the equation and look at your issue in this way. Your relationship is basically floundering when you state that trust has become an issue. It's also becoming a one way street where your BF is letting his beliefs over ride the very foundations of your relationship. If he doesn't care about what others think of him and his choices, where does this leave you? When you need to ask him to respect your boundaries (and he hasn't) then his actions have spoken and your inner self (your sense of fairness) has reacted in such a way that you have to be vocal about it. You wouldn't need to do this if your relationship was solid and stable. Ask yourself if you have love, respect, honesty and trust in your relationship with your BF and then ask yourself if it's being reciprocated and mirrored back to you. If you use the words "conflict" and "disagree", now, at present, over a major issue in your relationship, then you will need to absolutely resolve it before you can go any further with continuing to join your lives together successfully.