Is this a crush?

Hi everyone. I've been married 15 yrs. Have a wonderful spouse, great kids, financially stable - 3 great criteria for a happy life. But why can't I get over D? I know D from high school. Always had a crush on him. And I know he really liked me but we've never actually hung out in the same crowd nor talked to each other. He tried to initiate a few conversations but I was just too shy back then to reciprocate. Then, two years ago, I decided to search for him out of the blue because I can't forget him after over 20 years. I'm always wondering how he's doing, where he is, etc. I finally found him, in a different country, 6 hrs. away. I wrote to say hi. He wrote back, nice to meet you again, etc... I told him I was married, but that I couldn't forget him. He stopped writing back. I know he follows my account on Twitter and FB (under a pseudonym). He put his location, info, etc. but would no longer correspond with me. I miss him a lot and can't stop thinking about him. Before anyone says anything negative, please do not judge me. I'm here talking about this precisely because I don't know where to turn anymore. I feel so lonely. I can't talk to anyone around me as that would cause more problem in my marriage. Why am I feeling this way? I'm so confused. Please help if you can, or if you find yourself in a similar situation, would like to talk. Thanks so much for listening. I hope someone can help me. Sincerely, confused.

There is a very thin line of difference between reality and imagination. I feel you are caught up in your own imaginative world with an imaginary partner but with a real face. Agreed you had a huge crush on D but you have hardly interacted with each other, hardly know each other well enough and 20 years is a huge gap apart. Even if he did like you 20 years back, in 20 years he must have changed and his likes must have changed too. It is very clear he doesn't want to encourage any such kind of thoughts from you hence he is not writing back. What you are feeling is a fictional world where what ever you are lacking in your real marriage translates to missing,concern in the fictional world. What can you do about it? First of all analyze what is that you feel you want in your real life that you don't have? Very often the 3 criteria you talked about is only the base. Not sufficient to develop into love. Each of us is differently built and our needs are different too. Once you figure out what it is that you are missing, discuss it with your spouse on how to improve the situation in those areas. A slight work on your marriage will go a long way to help you get back on the happy track.