Arrangements I'm not happy with!

Me and my wife meet young, married young, and had kids young. I work nights and she is a stay at home mother. My job has put a tremendous strain on our marriage and more importantly our relationship. A few months ago I was caught talking and trying to hook up with other women. I really did regret it and we came to an understanding and tried to move on. Our relationship kept getting worse from lack of a job change. A week ago I was caught sending a picture of myself to my private email. Nothing explicit just without my shirt. I know everyone May think I'm just a piece of crap but I will explain. As our relationship failed I desired that spark and excitement again. Back to the topic, we decided to separate and drew up a document we both signed and agreed on. I was told this or divorce, and with the kids involved this was best. Will my new found freedom I went out and slept with two women to gain that excitement back. Fail! I see her reinventing herself and to be quite honest I miss that. I miss her and that connection we had. I know there is no way we could fix our relationship while in my current job. But I don't want this arrangement any more I want us back! I don't know what to do! One side feels what I have done wants her to do better, but the other side wants to still be together. HELP!

have you told your wife how you felt about the agreement? has she done anything even close to what you have done? i do believe you love your wife and im not certain how your relationship is , but it needs a restart button as if yall just met. there has to be a way to where you can show her how you miss the connection with her. even if it means it set up a dinner date on one of yalls day offs, or find a baby sitter. think back to what you used to do for her that made her happy.

BJM, it doesn't matter what you've done, we all learn from our mistakes and we never stop learning throughout life. You need to understand, you are putting your job first and if this is what you want and need, then that's what you'll do because you'll be happy. You'll find a way to still spend time with your children and you wife will also find way to move on and reinvent herself because the pair of you have already drawn up an agreed document. Your (both) actions have spoken by signing this document. With this mind, you also need to understand that your marriage is over and basically was when you first were 'caught' cheating. The 'connection' you had with your wife is gone. You tried to get an understanding with your wife..you tried to get it to work again...but again your actions spoke when you sent an email photo and you have continued in your job. You also need to understand, you need to get over your marriage properly before you can go into another relationship and casual sex (especially after a recent breakup) rarely works to make us feel any better about ourselves. If you now have a need to get back together, (and this is what you miss, the togetherness) then your wife will also have to have the same need as well. Ask yourself if you're prepared to make the major changes to be able to give your wife the predictability and stability she needs and most importantly, that of which your children need. If your wife is happy, than your children will be also. You also need to get on with your life, without the guilt, because your children ALSO need YOU to be confident and happy as well...whether you reconcile or not with their Mom.