Lost, no one to talk to, just need to get it out

My life as I knew it has been effectively ruined. The life I know now is on a downward spiral and I just don't know how to keep picking myself up.... I quit my job and moved from CT to CA to take over my fathers business. He was tired of the cops raiding it all the time due to him being on probation and wanted me to take over. Like an idiot I believed he could pay me the desired amount. I believed him when he said he was opening up another store and that it would be mine. He is greedy and only cares about himself and his own payment. He didn't care that I couldn't pay myself enough to live. He didn't care that I changed my entire life FOR HIM. To be closer to him and hopefully have a chance at the relationship we never had. I eventually couldnt pay him what he wanted because it was sending the business into financial ruin. I offered him a deal and he didn't take it so I cut him off entirely and now we are in the middle of a lawsuit. I am 25 weeks pregnant and stressed to the max. I have been manning a sinking business for 2 years now with no help and no guidance. I am failing. A new store opened near us and I just can't compete. I will be laying my only employee off (my sister) and trying to do this all by myself...while pregnant. I have been trying since November to get insurance and I just keep getting denied. Medi-cal says I make too much money AIM says I don't make enough and Covered california wont kick in until April (if I get my application done in time) and I am due in June. My sister could no longer afford her apartment and she is now living with me and my boyfriend in our tiny 1 bedroom apartment. She came with 1 dog and 2 cats. I already had 1 dog and 3 cats. Everyone relies on me to make sure they are taken care of. They try to be self sufficient and not ask much from me but financially I am the one that makes sure we can eat and have a roof over our heads and I don't know how much longer I can do that. My unborn baby has had NO prenatal Dr's visits due to the continual denial for insurance. I'm pregnant, continually denied for insurance, facing a lawsuit from my father, taking care of my sister and all her animals, taking care of my boyfriend and all my own animals, running a failing business and now I can't even get a 3D ultrasound from an outside agency because I haven't had an ultrasound from a dr. =( I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep pretending that everything is ok when it isnt. I am crying all the time, but only behind closed doors. I get the "don't stress it's bad for the baby" lecture if I cry openly. I am supposed to stay strong but as I seem to be failing everyone in my life it's hard. I feel like I've already failed this baby and it isn't even born yet. I blame my father for everything, though I know it was my decision and I have to take credit for that. I hate that he could only love me as long as it was advantageous for him. That I changed everything for him and convinced myself this was an opportunity. What do I do when it all falls down? I get no unemployment. I feel like I have no where to go. No one seems to understand what I am going through, and they lash back when I lash out, which is getting harder to control. They don't seem to understand the stress and pressure that I am under. Everyone keeps telling me that life doesn't have to be this hard, and I can be happier if I try. I'm tired of the cliche bullshit speeches. Chin up, everything happens for a reason, things will get better, just be strong, you're a strong girl you'll be fine..............I don't believe any of it

Was your store running well when your father was looking after it? What kind of goods does your store sell? Some of your emotional turmoil could be due to the pregnancy stage you are in with hormones playing havoc. When Life sucks look at all the positive things in your life. You have a boyfriend who supports you emotionally, a sister to fall back on when you are unwell, a store that can atleast look after your basics....what if you didn't have any of it? A dog to give you unconditional love. Worse come worse what will happen? You might have to shut the store and look for an employment again, isn't it? When things around me collapse and I find I cannot handle it I prepare my mind to face the worst so anything above that looks like a piece of cake to me.

It's easy to say be strong, but not easy to do so. All I can say is clear your mind, keep all the issues at the table and start solving with the least important. Issues can either be relationship, health or any possibility which you may feel is affecting you. There would be some strong decisions to make, but that is the only way. As they say, survival of the best. You need to realize that if you aren't doing well you cannot take care of others. First establish yourself, then help other. I hope your problems subside quick and happiness fill in your life. Regards