Wife had an affair

So I actually just wrote a post last night about how my wife and I have been separated for over a month now and recently its been getting better since I have distanced myself from her...we have been hanging out more and she wants to take things slow and work on us...well this all started as we got in financial problems and had to move in with my parents..it was suppose to be for a short period of time but I was in school and financial problems got even tougher so we ended up staying at my parents way longer than expected..well a month or two into living there my wife became very very depressed about everything and she just was not herself and I could see the change in her...over the summer she left me for a few weeks but came back to me....all was well when she came back but then again she became depressed got on medication and I think that even made her worse...she just wasn't her fun caring and loving self anymore completely different and just not happy...well then a month ago she moved out and left me..so anyways tonight we hung out and she was finally completely honest with me about everything because she wants us to work and that she loves me...she told me a guy she works with has been sleeping with her on and off for the past 9 months ever since she left me the first time...she said it started out as friends but in time it became more and said he filled her void....she said she would sleep with him then break it off cuz she was confused about me and her then we would argue and shed go back to him then back to me...she was so confused she didn't know what she wanted me or him..well since she left me they have hung out a little more and she slept with him more often...but now she said it dawned on her that what she was doing was completely wrong and that she did not want to be with this guy and that she wanted to work on us...it took her this long to realize it which really hurts me but im happy she finally realized it..she is completely sincere on how she feels now about me and that she admits how messed up and depressed she is and what she did with this guy was a complete mistake...this really hurts me im crushed that this happened and for so long but I honestly truly still love her very much and I think in time I could look past it...I am a reasonable man and religious and I didn't marry this girl to just give up on hard times and get a divorce im not like that...we are only human and we all make mistakes...I myself have cheated on her before and she doesn't know about it...I never slept with another girl since ive been with her but I have cheated...if anyone has any input or advice for me about my problem it would be much appreciated

Glad things have turned positive finally. Like I told you, she is a sincere person and anyone can make a mistake. I don't think she will make the mistake again. Stay by her and stay committed to each other. Treat as if you both are just newly married once again and put the past behind. If she wanted she could have hid the facts and present only parts but she was honest and your marriage deserves a fair chance. Do not argue with each other if possible...learn to ignore small small differences and love between you both will surely increase. All the best to you both.

End it. Leave this woman, she's unfaithful and has betrayed you. You say you can forgive her and get past this, but I think this will niggle away at you on the inside, you know about this, but how many other times has she cheated on you? how many more times will this happen again? with the same man, or with others? Ditch the Bi**h ! friend request me on FB if you want more advice from me http://www.facebook.com/manup.don

JM, your wife has finally admitted what the cause of her confusion was. I'm sorry, but she has betrayed you and your 9 year relationship together. Those 9 years of developing trust and respect, of putting in, of sacrificing, are gone. You have stated your opinions about marriage, human nature etc and this tells us your values but your wife doesn't share your values because if she did, she would have stuck with you and most importantly, with your daughter. Your post basically makes excuses for her infidelity (even at your own expense) but the cold, hard truth is, if she really had any respect for you, herself and her marriage vows, she would have remained faithful...just as you have. Sure, you want to work it through it, but it's a long and winding road full of potholes where BOTH of you will have to have the SAME need with making your marriage work again. Whether you realize it or not, you're back at square one and now you will have to start over again. She chose the easy way out when the going got tough and in the process, has ruined your relationship together as you knew it. Take your thoughts further, because this is your 'real' wife talking..this is the 'real' person you married regardless of your living circumstances at that time and her consequent depression. You state you're a reasonable man and you didn't marry her to give up on hard times..but she did and blatantly so. You can state that you honestly truly love her but will you ever fully trust her again? You can forgive but can you ever forget? Not only has she to deal with you and her marriage, she also has to deal with the other guy as well even if he is just as insincere as she is. Take a heads up JM, there's no grey areas here, it's black and white. She's either with you or she's not, and her actions tell all of us, that she's not 100% with you in mind, body and soul and hasn't been for awhile. And this absence from you is not when she first developed the initial friendship with the other guy..you'll find it goes back long before that.

Thank you for everyones input. I am not trying to make excuses for my wifes actions. What she did to me is terrible, disgusting, and I am extremely upset and angry with her. It took a lot for her to actually admit everything to me and I respect her honesty with me. It shows me she realized what she did was horrible and that in time she wants to work things out with her and I. Im not making any promises that I can be back with her..a big part of me wants to work things out not only for us but for our daughter. Then there is another part of me that just wants to end it because what she did was completely messed up. For some reason right now I just cant end it I cant help how I feel about her still...me and her had an amazing relationship before this tough year, which makes it harder to believe she did this to me but she did and we cant take it back...we are gonna go to counseling together and im gonna see where that takes us..i wont ever be able to forget this but I feel that in time I can move forward and start over with her if we both want this to work out...if it doesn't well then it doesn't and she lost a great guy...I feel that this wont happen again if we do work out and that this will only make our relationship stronger if it works out, but only time will tell. she tells me that it is 100% over with this guy and she wants nothing to do with him anymore...I want to believe her and I kinda do because why would she admit everything to me and say she wants to work on us and then go back to him?? If she wanted him she would have continued to be dishonest and divorced me but she didn't...so we will see what happens I will definitely let everyone know!! Thanks again

Counseling is a great decision. Trust will come back in some time. Anger will remain but in a few years it will remain as an emotion attached to that period of memory back in time. And yes you are right, if your marriage gets past this huge stumble there is a stronger relationship awaiting in future. The sad part of it is most couples find it difficult to go past this. Like Manalone said, the road ahead will not be easy...its like a roller coaster ride. One moment you feel all is okay...another moment you will feel you are tumbling down without control .... but just hang on....at the end of the ride there is more stability, more trust and a stronger relationship.