Lots of issues

Married for 20 years, sober the last 5. Desire is no longer in realtionship and unsure that it was ever there. I have found new relationships that I wan't to explore but I feel guilty and my marriage feels like it's been at a dead end for a very long time. I don't even feel like I want to try, did I ever really love my wife while being an alcoholic? It's unfair to her, she helped me get sober and I understand this. I could try counseling but I honestly cannot say that I want to participate. I'm trying to discover if I should follow my heart or my head, do the right thing, honar my vows, stay in a stale relationship (sexless for years), a stale life or give it a go and explore my options, follow my heart and live while there is still time.

Stuckinlife, you need to do what your instinct tells you to do. You've been down the road of recovery with beating addiction and while your wife stood by you and supported you, you beat your addiction yourself. It's was your effort and yours alone, which allowed you to initially recognise your issue and consequently, remain sober for the past 5 years. Your marriage needs to be a two way street for it to survive. While you have guilt, it will shackle you to your wife as opposed to be being in love with her and needing to be with her. If you state your marriage is a loveless dead end, then you will eventually walk away from it regardless if your wife has hung in there. You have already found new desires. Your heart has kicked in elsewhere. You mention unfairness, but you're being unfair to both your wife and to yourself if you remain in relationship that's not giving you or her anything but doubt at present. It's useless to remain in a marriage that's only exists on paper regardless of it's history or duration.

You only live once Stuckinlife. It sounds like you have spent long enough not living already and time is running out. Apologise to your wife. Tell her that you appreciate what she did for you and that you will always have a place for her in your heart but that you need to move on.

There are surely multiple issues in your marriage. Speak to her and tell her you want to try the last chance to save your marriage by going to counseling. If that too fails then listen to your heart.