Where is my relationship going?

I have been in a relationship for the past seven years. We didn't get off to the best of starts, I wasn't looking for a relationship and thought is was just going to be a casual affair, but he soon started to tell me he had feelings for me which isn't what I wanted to hear at the time. After a couple of years together we broke up but still decided to go on a holiday we had booked sometime before. Whilst we were away I discovered he had met someone else since our break up and I was devestated. When we got home we did not have any contact for three months after which time he got in contact and said he had made a mistake. So, here we are another five years on and nothing has really moved forward. It was established quite early on in our realtionship that we weren't in love but loved being with each other, which although not ideal I felt I could cope with. The problem now is I have been suffering from depression and he attitude is quite flipant. I have become quite paranoid and started checking his emails and wasn't happy with some of my discoveries. he has been flirting on line and when I confronted him he said he doesn't feel he is attractive to women and it was just an ego boost. Due to my depression I have been pressuing him into talking about our realtionship and he has told me he no longer finds me attractive even though our sex life is as active as ever. He regularly looks as porn which he knows upsets me as my self esteem is at an all time low. That aside, if I do not start these conversations he is very caring and attentive and would do anything for me. Do I expect too much from him? I feel I have been on self destruct of late and have made the sitiaution worse by admitting to sleeping with one of his friends and also get drunk and ring some of my male friends (you can imagine what these converstation are like) but I feel in some way it is payback for what he has done and I know this is not what a healthy relationship should be like.

be gud