Need some honest opinions

My husband and I have been in counseling for a year. During the course of therapy, it has come out that my husband is wanting to experience all sorts of sexual things. A threesome with 2 girls...which I assume is most guys fantasy ;) but he also wants to try other things like being with a man and being involved in, for lack of a better term, an orgy where there's a lot of people just having sex. Through counseling we've determined that he is not bisexual or homosexual. He just sees "parts" and wants the sex act with a part. He is not attracted to men and does not want to have any type of relationship with a man. He just has a curiosity of what is would be like to have a sexual experience with a man. Both he and my counselor keep telling me that this is a lot more common with men than I think. I'm having a hard time thinking it's all that common. It was my counselors advise that I find a place online and talk to various types of people to see how common this is. If any men have gone through this, or are going through this. Have any women dealt with this with their spouse...how did you get through it? I would love some answers if anyone out there has any. Thank you in advance.

hi You post is very interesting and i think you will hit home with alot of people. Counseling is such a positive thing to do for your relationship. I think both of you are on a excellent road. I know it can be a shock to find out theses secrets about you husband. I think it is harmless and very very 'normal' . It is fantasy it is new, exciting the unknown. As we get older we still long to feel surprised to be brought somewhere else. I knew a man that we were great friends , he had the same fantasies, the problem was his wife was not as open-minded as you to go to counseling. He actually acted it out behind her back , twice with a man. They are split up many years and she never knew about the infidelity. I think she did suspect distance or something but he couldn't be honest with himself , firstly, he is clearly bisexual or gay. I think a massive amount of guys do think of this and feel this, but are not at ease with it, therefore will suppress it. Society pressures on men to be macho, that sexuality is black and white, like the porn industry. It also depends on the religious beliefs and the upbringing of an individual. These are all factors to why it is not voiced. The fact that you are in counseling and he has the maturity and trust , to openly discuss this is awesome, there is more right with you than wrong with you. I think wanting to explore is different than actually doing it.

Thank you so much for your response. Luckily for us it is a fantasy and nothing he has acted on. It's still hard for me to wrap my brain around but I am working on it. It helps to know that people have gone through something similar.

It can kill a part of you finding out stuff like that about a man you are with or men. I keep meeting guys who have had threesomes, and prostitutes, and what have you. It was an eye opener, and I lost alot of my fantasies ( of the gentleman, love,two people, both being enough for each other, romance growing old. Being rescued). I think everyone has a boundary within and I believe talking about it is healthy. Its a new areas to discover even doing that exploring the possibility of loosing someone or sharing intimacy. It can bring to both somewhere new. Especially when it is in a safe controlled environment like counseling. I also have a cousin who is female and finds the female body attractive to look at etc etc , but she is not a lesbian, in reality she does not fancy girls. It is like a thought a curiosity .... I wonder and then you imagine.... that is it. I kinda get it, I think men and women are beautiful bodies, I think it could be something as simple as admiration for a nice psychic, or shape, or qualities about the man that he wishes on some level he has , so fantasizing about it is natural.

Thank you both :). Mountain, I completely understand. I am completely happy and satisfied with just 2 people in the bedroom. We have initiated some other things we are both comfortable with to spice things up. SusieDQ, a year ago and probably a year before that, we were having sexual problems. He was being distant (turns out he was having an emotional affair online) and because he was distant, I didn't want sex. Counseling has helped and we are now in a place where we are happy sexually. He feels really exposed because his fantasies are all out on the table where everyone else keeps their fantasies in their heads. His particular fantasies bring up a lot of questions. My reason for being here is trying to figure out how "normal" or common it is. Safety in numbers and all that. Thanks again for your opinions.

Just to reassure you it is 100 and 10 % 'normal'.....

SusieDQ, it honestly is not from a place of judgment. I am trying to understand. I found out when he was talking inappropriately online to someone. I'm not proud of it, but I began snooping to figure out what was going on. In their conversations, she told him she thought he was bisexual which completely threw me for a loop. It threw him for a loop too, so part of his counseling was to figure out if it was a fantasy thing or if he is bisexual. It was brought up in counseling with us to try to understand what we are dealing with. It is more than a fleeting thought as he writes erotic stories which often times have men having sex.

I think we all have fantasies...some we would never like to actually act on it. Even when he might have spoken about it online, it need not be he wants to act on it. It might be just that ...an imagination. Anyway even if he wants it, you accept only whats comfortable to you. I did know someone who also had such threesome fantasies.

Our culture has picked and chosen which fantasies are acceptable. We all condone women's Disney style fantasies about being rescued or finding the perfect man who wants nothing more than to grow old with the princess. That is a fantasy. But when men fail to live up to that role, women and society are appalled. Men's fantasies are all together different, and society makes them unspeakable. If guys mentioned what they really think about their Disney loving wives tend to freak out! The real world is somewhere in between Cinderalla and Debbie Does Dallas. If you want an honest relationship you have to allow your man to talk about his intests and desires tool