Help! It's been 10 years and we can't move on!

This is the first time I've done anything remotely like this and I know this is going to be one heck of a story but I feel I have to tell someone the WHOLE story, even if it is a novel, usually I'd ask my best mate but she's actually terrible at advice and even worse now she's married, that and she doesn't understand as she wasn't around when all this went down. I need some help in understanding what is going on and what people think of the situation themselves (I hope you understand but I'm gonna use fake names here, it will be made clear). About 10 years ago when I was 17 living in Birmingham, I went with a college friend to check out a university in London for her, my natural ways said that the first place on a university campus to check is in fact the bar. There I met this guy.. "Dan" we hit it off straight away, exchanged numbers, he found me on MySpace (sorry if that makes any of you feel old) and we talked constantly, eventually I agreed that I would go and see him again, we spent the entire day in a bar having a laugh. I wasn't prepared to make it a stay over, I wasn't an idiot I wanted to check this guy wasn't gonna kill me or anything. Time went by and eventually we became an item, everything was perfect, I know that there was over a hundred miles between us, but I was a girl that always had her head screwed on, I knew I was at the most crucial part of my life where I was becoming an adult and I needed to know who I was, and that meant I had to experience life. He hardly ever came down to Birmingham, I didn't mind this, I loved London, but this gave me a bit of control, I would travel to London every 3 weekends, when we were together, we had the most amazing time, and when we were apart, we would talk a lot, but we trusted each other, so we went about our lives, I went out with my friends and enjoyed myself, as did he, he knew when I was going out, he also knew that majority of my friends are male, so every time when the clubs would finish at 3am, he would ring me. It was like clock work. After a year of this, I received a friends request on MySpace from a guy called... "Danny" (they had the same name, but everyone knew this guy via his nickname, I'm not being lazy) I noticed that we had a mutual friend, it turned out to be my Dan, I explained this to Dan and he vouched for Danny, he didn't have any objections, so I accepted his request. Within a few days, me and Danny were talking, everything just polite and casual, within a few weeks, we couldn't stop talking, we had so much in common it was uncanny, I didn't even realise that when I came home from work each night and turned on my computer to check my messages, I was hoping that Danny had messaged me more than I hoped Dan had. I felt terrible, this was not who I was, but I couldn't stop... I just needed Danny to be texting me or messaging me, and when msn messenger (I know that's ancient too) came into the game I became like a giddy school girl. I went down to London the one weekend, sat in the pub with Dan having a laugh, it was the first night I officially met Danny and all the gang, it was such an amazing night, and Danny was even better in person that I thought I'd die on the spot, I must of made an impression because when I got home, my MySpace was on fire with requests. Eventually I received this message from a girl called "Marie" I had no idea who she was, figured she was another one from London, maybe I'd met her and was just too drunk to remember, well this message simply said "I know you don't know me, but I just want to thank you. My brother Danny took his break up with "Sally" hard, I didn't think he'd ever get through it, but you're the only one that can put a smile on his face. Whatever it is you're doing, please don't stop!!!" My heart jumped into my mouth, this was Danny's sister, she was thanking me for helping him through a break up I didn't even know about and I was the only reason he was Danny again, I didn't even know how to respond, I thought an air of truth might be best, I told her that I didn't know what I was doing, but I was glad I could help. I was so confused I confronted Danny about it, he seemed taken aback and swiftly left, only that night he texted me to say he was sorry for rushing off, he didn't know what to say or worse.. how to say it. I told him that they didn't call me Nanny Lily for nothing, no matter what it was I'd try and help him, he told me he had feelings for me and liked me more than a friend, but he didn't know what was going on with me and Dan. Truth was, I didn't either, by the time Danny had told me this, me and Dan had split up and gotten back together, I don't even know how it happened, he just wanted more from me, but then couldn't live without me, but it was the way he worded everything, like he knew what it was that would make me cave and run back to him. I simply told Danny the truth, I didn't really know where I stood with Dan and until I figure it out, it would be wrong to pursue anything else, I told Danny I had feelings for him too, but I guess we just had to figure out what we both really wanted, but until then we could still be amazing buddies and we agreed that on my next visit to London I would come down a couple of hours earlier, meet him in the pub I would normally meet Dan at after he finished work and we would wait for Dan together, go our separate ways and then meet up all together in the pub that evening. It was a plan and I didn't think that a couple of hours in a public place would do any harm, I was upfront with Dan about it, told him that I would catch an earlier train but keep to the usual with him, it was just a few drinks with Danny, Dan seemed completely fine with it. It didn't get mentioned again until 4 days before, Dan was at work, he was an estate agent and he was at an open day so he pretty much had to entertain himself, to which he decided to call me and spent hours on the phone chatting away, coming towards the end of our chat, I reminded him that I'd be coming down earlier and in the pub, again everything seemed fine. We hung up. 2 minutes later, I received the most horrible of texts from Dan, he was really going off on one at me, calling me names, guilt tripping me, it was horrific, I tried to fight my point that he was being unreasonable about me being in a pub with a friend, considering I was out every night with someone who happened to be a male. He got really horrible, but he didn't want me to cancel on Danny, in case Danny thought he was being an evil bum, I dunno what came over me, but I thought no, if you're gonna be this vile to me about being in a pub with a friend I'm not even gonna bother, have it your way and I hope you feel bad. So I canceled on Danny, luckily he didn't ask questions. I went down to London as I normally would, but something was off... it was that night I discovered that Dan had been cheating on me with some girl from another office "Alison" yet he had the nerve to go off on one at me about meeting someone in a pub, I blew my top, Dan just sat there in bed, crying his heart out, I couldn't take seeing him hurting like that so like an idiot I let it go. We carried on for a while, but something had changed, he was yelling at me more, getting uptight about nothing, we started drifting apart, but me and Danny didn't, nothing changed between us, we were getting closer and closer, we never once spoken about Dan, he was like the elephant in the room, and without him, everything would be perfect. Dan carried on having me under his thumb, I was due to go down London, the day before I got a text on my way to work from Dan, saying "when you come down tomorrow, it can only be as friends", I blew my top, he was breaking up with me after all the heartache he was throwing at me and he was doing it by text!! I told him to shove it and didn't give him the time of day for weeks, problem was I was angry, I didn't want to take it out on Danny by accident, I wasn't in the mood for it, I went out each night and avoided thinking about the pair of them. Until, once again, I received that message from Dan saying he needed to see me, he couldn't stand me not being there, I wanted to take back some of that control, I was done with Dan and he needed to know this, so I agreed to go to London and see him, but I wouldn't stay with him, in fact I would meet him with everyone else at the pub in the evening and I'd come round to his at some point the following day, he didn't argue. I told Danny I would come down to London, but I wasn't going to stay with Dan, he figured out that we'd once again split up and he wasn't about to have me roaming the streets of London on my own, so he offered me a place to stay. I jumped at the chance. I got off that train, I saw Danny and literally my heart did somersaults, we laughed all the way home, sat on the couch and really let go of everything and just enjoyed each others company. We got ready, went to the pub, Danny was working as security on the doors so he wouldn't be able to stay with me but everyone would be there and Dan would be attached to my side obviously, me and Dan just talked things through but I wasn't really in it, I kept looking at my watch wondering when would I get to be alone with Danny again, suddenly Danny's best mate "Chris" came and sat opposite me. Chris, Dan and myself chatted for a while, before the drinks ran dry, you could just tell that Chris had something to say but he was biding his time, when Dan offered to go and get us some more drinks, Chris took his chance, thinking this is a London pub, serving time is likely to take forever, unfortunately this was not the case, but what Chris did manage to say, has stuck with me forever, "Dan loves you, yes, but Danny, he's IN love with you, and no one will ever love you more than him" queue Dan and drinks, if he had of stayed away just ten minutes longer I think I would of told Chris the truth, I'd have cried my heart out yes, but for the first time I would have finally spoken the truth, a part of me loved Dan yes, but I was IN love with Danny, nothing compared to him. When the evening finished and me and Danny were back together and we were alone, you can imagine where the night led, I didn't even try to stop it, I felt so free and loved right then, it was perfect in every way!! So much so, the following morning when he had to hand me back to Dan, I felt like screaming, I wanted to jump out the car and run, or tell Danny to take me anywhere else but there, I didn't want to be anywhere near Dan, he'd only ruin this perfect weekend, it was then I decided, this ends now, I knew I had to see Dan but this was going to be the last time, I wouldn't be held back or defined by him anymore. When me and Dan were alone, it was uncomfortable, as if he knew what I was doing, what I'd done, everything, he kept making comments how I would always be his and no one could take it away from him without paying the price, I'd been wondering for so long whether Dan had been manipulating me, he knew me so well that he knew how to use my weaknesses against me, the crying in bed when I caught him cheating, he knew I can't take people upset, I'd do whatever it took to make them happy again, the texts about me seeing Danny in the pub, he knew if he'd made me feel disloyal I would do anything to prove otherwise. He knew me and Danny wanted each other, he was keeping us apart, now he was bringing Danny into his sick game. I didn't know what to do, I came home and that was it, I realised I could be the girl that left Dan heartbroken for his friend Danny, and when me and Danny were together it would be perfect and he'd make more of an effort to come see me in Birmingham too, but then I thought of the times I wouldn't be in London, when I was out with my friends, what would it be like in that pub with Dan and Danny in the same room, I knew if ever if it came to it Danny would beat Dan to a pulp, but Danny was never gonna be prepared for his mind games, by then I'd endured 3 years of it, I had to protect Danny, I couldn't let Dan do that to him. So I left them both, I was civil whenever either spoke to me, but I kept myself to myself from then on, I never went back to London, haven't since. 6 months later, I was heading to a music festival, I knew Dan wouldn't be there, but Danny and the rest of the gang would be, I didn't make a fuss of it, but Danny came looking for me, luckily I wasn't there, then on the final night, he found me, he'd been looking for me, I couldn't ignore him, so I sat with the gang, outside their tents in a field drinking beer, by the end of the night I said my goodbyes, and went to walk back to my campsite, but Danny wouldn't let me walk alone. Again this is where you can imagine where the night went to. In the morning, he got up, got dressed, brought me a coffee and waited for me to get up, it was sunrise, no one was awake all you could see was the sky and all there was to listen to was the birds, he held me close, told me he'd see me soon, kissed me and then walked away with the biggest smile on his face, (I know that smile lasted all day cause our friends kept texting me this information) when his back was facing me, I silently begged him not to turn around, I didn't want him to see me cry, cause if he did, he knew that I was saying goodbye, and those words were not gonna come out to his face, if he turned then I'd have to tell him the truth about Dan and why I had to leave, and Danny would of made me stay, heck the guy would of done anything for us to be together. He didn't turn around. We lost touch, it was over. 8 months later I found a guy "Andrew" I just wanted to get lost in something, someone, just to help me forget Danny, I was getting drunk more often, you can say Andrew was a rebound, and you'd be right, I was taking precautions with my sex life, but as you are aware, they aren't 100% effective, I fell pregnant, when Dan found out he asked me to have an abortion, that was the last time I uttered a word to Dan. Danny on the other hand, was pleased for me and wished me well. I had a baby boy and tried to make things work with Andrew, but I was miserable, he wasn't what I wanted, and how could I be a good mother to my boy if I was unhappy. I left Andrew, and we've worked out a civil way to raise our boy. Eventually I deleted Dan and Danny off Facebook (yes by then MySpace had died), I put all my focus and energy on my boy, but a year later, Danny found me again, added me on Facebook, had a civil chat, I found out he'd moved on and was dating this girl "Stacy" I was pleased for him, even if a part of me ached, the following conversation, it was like the years that past hadn't existed, we were back to the old days, and yes it was very X-rated. He wanted to see me, we planned to, but we both bottled it before it went ahead cause we both didn't want to hurt Stacy and we knew it was wrong, I sent him a message to say it was just too hard and I had to leave again, even though there were things he never knew, i.e how I felt about him and Dan. A year later, I'm with someone, and low and behold, Danny finds me again, he's still with Stacy, the civil chat ensues, until the following conversation where it gets all heated again, needless to say it was the same scenario, we left again. A year later, I'm single again, and Danny finds me, this time I'm 6 months too late, he'd left Stacy at Christmas, now he was with a new girl "Lucy" civil chat ensues, following conversation, its all heated, by now I think to myself, you know what, I've run away so many times and the bloke keeps finding me, I might as well just accept this guy is going to be a part of my life. Now I refuse to delete him this time round, but now it feels like Danny has complete control, he doesn't reply to my snapchats (how social networks have grown) he doesn't keep my number on his phone, it's like having my name in his contacts is like showing I'm his dirty little secret, I don't know what to make of it, is he playing me too? I'm terrified cause I know Dan is still watching, the minute me and Danny became friends again on Facebook, I received an email notification saying Dan had followed me on Twitter, only he removed it moments later, like a little message saying he's watching, which is why I've used fake names here cause I'm scared that Dan will find this somehow. Danny on the other hand is still non the wiser to all this and sometimes I can't even get him to acknowledge me, he's screwing with my head, yet he's the one that keeps finding me every time I try to move on. I know he's got his eye on me, cause (this is going to sound idiotic) but I sent out a series of stories on snapchat, there was like 5 pictures for all to see, and it tells you who has seen each picture, they were all sent at the same time, yet Danny viewed them all at different times over the 24 hours they were available, like he'd viewed the one, waited and then purposely viewed another, and another etc. I know this has all been long winded and I applaud you if you're still reading, but how do I move forward? What would you do? Is Danny screwing with my head? Even though I haven't seen him in 7 years I can't get him out of my head, everything is a constant reminder of him, so much so my friend put me on a dating website and the one guy that seems to actually be alright happens to be named "Daniel" and guess what he's from London, like it's a sign or something, cause finding 3 guys with same name and location is chance. I hate Danny not being here, I hate being a secret, I want to tell him everything, but am terrified of being rejected, like he never loved me at all and Chris had it all wrong and I'm just a fool for loving him then and still. Please help!!

Danny is screwing with head because you allow it. It doesn't matter if he finds you again, you don't have 'friend' him on FB or even reply to him. Now after you refused to delete him, he HAS complete control..you said it. Even though you haven't seen him in 7 years, he still manages to affect and influence you via social media...but that's because you participate. To move forward, you need to cut him out of your life completely. You need to take control of your life and get away from all the drama, and those who cause the drama because you're just going around in circles. You have a son to nurture and you need to be focused and happy for him. While you allow it, you will always be confused by these people, especially Danny who, I'm sorry to say, just uses you. One things for sure, if he really loved you, he would have made you his. Stacy and Lucy wouldn't have come into his life because he would have been with you from day one regardless of the distance between you, because when a man truly (and I mean truly) loves a woman he'll do anything possible within his means to be with her.

Very wise words, my god men , we would be lost without them . I can get the romanticism attached to a someone form the past, associated with a youthful lover and experience. It is natural that it would play on your mind of course. You ask yourself is it fate that we keep finding one another, etc. I think the last comment and paragraph is spot on, if he truly was someone to be with those other girls would not have been in his life. I think you remember a great guy the walked a way and smiled, that you let go off because of Dan, forget the Daniels of the world. I the heated messages, and it is exciting and fueled by good memories you have of him and it is toed up with your tears surrounding protecting him form Dan. I do believe on some level you did not want Danny back then either, or were scared possible because of the hurt you were carrying form the betrayal from Dan, that maybe you were dealing with it by getting mixed up here. I do not like the tone of the messages that get heated a few times between you two, not nice because he knows that you like him, it is playing with your heart. Move on from all of it. I would find a John or Paul. Maybe you had a lucky escape . I would suggest get dressed up and go dating on this site, just coffee meet a few different guys , get the confidence back and enjoy meeting guys. I think you need to experience the good side of dating and men. Some great one's out there and who knows you might even make some good friends....life is all a learning curve. Embrace the future, bury the past .... GOOD LUCK