50s and need advice

Hello people, I’ve been married for 5 years. We are both in our 50s. We get on well with most things. My problem is that, in my opinion, she cheated on me very early in our relationship. She says we were just friends then but I’ve always viewed it as cheating because we spent all of our time together and did everything together. And I guess to make it worse, the guy was one of our many friends. At that time, I was no good in the bedroom due to health problems and I had no get up and go and so I couldn’t satisfy her. We did try a few things but it was no use. I’m happy to say it’s all good now. When I confronted her about it, she panicked and told one of our friends she had done the wrong thing but then she spoke to other friends of hers who advised her that we were just friends because I hadn’t married her yet! But surely this meant, in their eyes, I was going to marry her!! I guess I tried to forget about it after that but her actions have stayed in the back of my mind since and no matter how hard I try to bury it, it still surfaces every now and then. She burrs up at me about it occasionally telling me to get over it because it’s my problem. And yes, we do discuss it at times but it always ends up in a stalemate. I have learned to trust her - if that’s possible?- but I can’t get the thing out of my mind. I now wonder why she panicked if she says we were just friends and why she told our friend she’d done the wrong thing. I’m thinking it’s telling me just who she is deep down and I’ve ignored this as well as tried to bury the issue. I think at times, I’ve even tried to blame myself for her actions. Am I right or wrong thinking this? Can anyone advise me with this?

I think you are a bit over thinking here. She cheated you once earlier in your relationship before marriage. Agreed. Knowing it you still married her. Good...shows you have a great mind to accept her. 5 years you have been together and things are great between you both. 5 years she has been loyal to you. Before 5 years she made a mistake ONCE and she realised it was a mistake. She has NEVER again repeated it. Whats more important here? The mistake that happened once without much thought or the life you have lived together for 5 years staying loyal to each other? What do you want her to do for that mistake? Can she go back in time and undo it even if she wanted to? So whats the best way ahead? Forget the mistake. Don't think about it. Each time it comes up in your mind change it to the thought of 5 years together proving she is yours.