Advice on a dilemma

So I've got a bit of a dilemma. About a year ago, I met a really nice guy. We hit it off pretty well, but he wasn't looking to date anyone at the time. We've hung out some, sometimes alone, sometimes in a group. We've even had discussions about our situation I guess you'll call it. He's interested in dating me, but he's not 100 percent sure at this time. I would really like to go out with him, but I'm also not banking all my hopes on this. So I have been talking to other guys. I have another guy who knows both of us. He is interested in dating me. But he just got out of an engagement/crazy relationship, that only lasted about 5 months. So he is pretty emotionally unstable at this point. I think he needs to work on himself before he tries to go out with anyone new. And I am trying to be a really good friend to him as well, without encouraging a romance. I get really excited when he texts me, and I enjoy hanging out with him and talking to him. Now there's an even bigger dilemma, because every week I go to trivia with other friends. And it seems like the trivia guy might be interested in me as well. He seems nice, but I don't really know anything about him. We've talked, but nothing outside of general bar conversation yet. There's also a guy I know, who only wants to hook up. He's not looking for dating. And I am okay with that, because I don't want to date him seriously either. My dilemma is that no matter who else I talk to, my heart keeps coming back to the original guy. And I feel like I shouldn't because there's no guarantee he'll come to his senses. It feels wrong to actually pursue anything serious with any of these other guys. I wouldn't mind casual dating, but I know the newly single guy is not looking for that at this time. I'm not sure whether I should try to date one, or multiple men at the same time, making sure to inform them all that I am not looking for anything serious and that I am seeing other people. Or do I make it clear up front that I have feelings for someone else, and it would not be right or fair to any of them to get into a relationship, so they can pursue other women? I just want some advice on how anyone else would handle something like this. Because I feel like I should trust my heart and my instincts, even though I could end up getting hurt and lonely in the end.

Why is the guy you are actually interested in not willing to date? Does he have a hurtful past or something?

Yes, he had an ex girlfriend he was living with, who really affected him and his trust in other girls. He has said she is the reason he finds it very hard to trust potential mates now. So I've been trying to be the best friend to him, but also more if he needs/wants it, hoping that eventually he'll realize I'm not the same as her. And that while some girls will turn out to be liars or untrustworthy, that I'm not one of them. It could also be a defense mechanism, he's scared of eventually getting hurt, he's told me he's worried he'll hurt me, or that I won't want to support him anymore (he's in a band). So I have been working to reassure him that I will still go see his band, even if he didn't want to date me. Because I'm now friends with all of the members, and I actually enjoy going and listening to their music.

Minxy, your heart and your instinct are two separate things. If your instinct is telling you that you will get hurt, then listen to it because it's your gut talking to you. It guides us when we're unsure and uncertain. Your heart, on the other hand, is likely to get you in trouble if you ignore your instinct....especially in relationships. When your head, heart and gut line up (a natural feeling of ease without any doubt, without any questions) then you're on a winner. When they're out of sync, they're warning you to proceed with caution. This guy has trust issues but they are his to sort out. If you go down the relationship path with him, your very actions will be judged and questioned by him until he learns that important lesson, as you state, that not everyone's the same. But if you remain his friend long enough he will eventually learn to trust again without your heart being mangled in the process. At present, when your heart asks about a relationship with him, your instinct is basically telling you NO. Ask yourself why bother going down the track where your instinct is telling you that you will be hurt and you will end up lonely?

Excellent advice for previous poster could not have put it better myself.....

If in a span of one year he hasn't learned to trust again and get out of his previous issues then there is the red flag for you. He will take much longer time to get back. If you still need him, you will have to continue the way you have been doing, going on putting effort and waiting. Question is how long can you wait? Two years? Three years? Your mind has already started looking for alternatives. Speak to him a final time and then try to move on.