Decision to stay or go

I've been married for 5yrs together for 15yrs, we seem to be drifting apart and the age difference doesn't help he's 15yrs older than me. Im struggleing with with what the best thing to do would be, I could stay and be quite settled and comfortable but not "in love" or I could go and start again hoping to find someone who makes me happier than I am at the moment. My hubby isn't a bad man he's happy to go out early bar and happy to come home and sleep in front of the tv but I feel like I'm worth more, I don't want to hurt him and leaving him will hurt him, do I stay and be comfortable but not happy or leave and risk everything I currently have?

You are worth more!!!!! What currently do you have? that you will loose? If you leave? Because I do not hear you fighting for your current life. Is your husbands behavior out of character? you know him 15 years? Is this a issue that needs to be addressed. If so what was the trigger? Or is this the husband you always knew and you are now realizing that you need more from a marriage... Have you thought of counseling?

My hubby isn't a bad man he's just set in his ways, always has been but when we first met I couldn't drive and we went out together but now I can drive he presumed I'd always drive but I now can go shopping or out under my own steam. It's been 11 yrs since I passed my test. My current life isn't terrible it's quite pressured as I look after my mum who's terminally ill and I work full time. I don't want people to feel sorry for me due to this it's just part of life that I have to deal with and it's no way bigger than anyone else who's going through the same. We go bowling on a Sunday morning every week and have done for the last 4 wks but that's the only time we do anything together as a couple. I'm not perfect I like to go out with my friends and I do have quite an active social life where as he works then comes home apart from the odd game of snooker at the weekend or calling for a couple of pints from work each night he pretty much stays at home and sleeps.

Jane, take your thoughts further firstly and look at the middle ground here due to the 15 year age gap. Age is just a number, but sometimes we need to realize, when we reach certain stages of our lives, often connected & associated with an age number, we become different with our habits and we sometimes become less tolerant of the habits of others which affect us. We either adjust or we look for another way. Secondly, you need to decide if you HAVE fallen out of love, because if you have, then you'll never be happy with him and you'll eventually walk. His age won't come into it. If you're not happy, then you'll be no good to anyone, let alone yourself. Your unhappiness will eventually cause friction within your marriage. If you place freedom over comfort, your heart is no longer in it. Your challenge is to find someone you're in love with who shares your values and standards and also be comfortable with as well...without looking back over your shoulder. And after 15 reasonably comfortable and settled years, if you need to go elsewhere to find love again, you WILL be treading a hard road until you find that someone who will make you happier. Your post states "hoping to find someone"...but there's no guarantees...and be careful what you wish for, you may just get it.

I know the grass isn't greener on the other side and I know that after 15 yrs of being with someone it's a big decision and there's a lot of hardwork so to speak gone in to make the releationship work. There are no guarantees in life that someone will walk into anyone's life and be with right one but is it better the devil you know or move on and take that chance? I don't want to hurt my hubby and leaving will hurt him but at the same time I don't want to stay and end up fighting with him all the time and hating him and myself for not getting out

Ok, you know what it's all about. Now all you have to do is determine when to leave him. You're not happy and you're not in love, so you have no choice but to leave. The fact that you even consider leaving your husband should tell you that you're halfway there.

Seems as if your marriage is stuck in a rut. This happens to a lot of marriages. My advice is to not end things just yet. I mean, he hasn't cheated or anything...and you love him, right? I say take a weekend getaway, just the two of you. Maybe try counseling. Look for ways to spice up your life together. He may seem boring or uninteresting now, but trust me..you don't want to divorce him and wake up one day with regrets. Try these things and see if there is a change in him. If there isn't, maybe it is time to move on. BUT you will be able to say, "I gave the marriage EVERYTHING I had...and we just couldn't make it work." I have held dear to that phrase over the years. When you can honestly tell yourself that you've done everything...you can move on. I just don't want you to wake up with regrets one day. Best of luck.

I'm 41 he's 56

We have spoken about this a few times but he says he is happy as he his, he'd like to spend more time together but it's me who's expected to not go out and not scocialise and to stay in with him while he sleeps, I'm just so confused and so torn