What am I doing?

Its all I can think about. I feel like I already know the answer, but I keep searching as if something will just give me that "Aha" moment. My problem is my relationship with the father of my daughter, my boyfriend. Our communication is atrocious as best. We are always misunderstanding each other and feeling attacked. I have many problems with his priorities, motivations, requirements, addiction, and affection. I have a lot of resentment and hurt (of things that have happened between us) that I am having a really hard time getting over. I can't claim to know what he is thinking because if I try to discuss feelings he either detracts me or smokes weed so that conversation is impossible. I realize I'm nowhere near perfect, but I am not going to make all the changes. I don't really know what to do anymore. I've talked with him and he will say "I can't change" or "That's not who I am". I don't know if I am expecting too much or what is realistic. I am honestly kind of looking to move forward or away because I am unsure if he has the capability to work with me, but we have a daughter together. Now, here is the bad part: I admit that I have been very cold to him. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around him, so I kind of have closed off to him. I also hide a lot of things from him because I don't like being criticized, or even worse told that the things I like are stupid. So, I don't tell him how I feel, I don't tell him about my day, and I don't tell him that spend most of my hours trying to avoid him. Even worse, I have cheated on him; more than once. I feel bad, but I just wanted someone to hug me, cuddle with me, something. He is against cuddling, and if he shows affection, it feels fake and it ends with "See, you say I never show you affection." Here's his side: His favorite things are video games, TV, sports, political debates, and weed smoking. I don't enjoy any of those things, but I feign interest because I feel like it is better for the relationship. I think after 7 years of dating, my disinterest is becoming more obvious, which I am sure is bothersome for him. He does not like a single one of my friends or family members. In the beginning of our relationship, I allowed him that request of me always staying home and never seeing my friends. He moved in with me after 3 months of dating because he couldn't pay his bills. So I am kind of his mom. His house was also NOT suitable for living in. He allowed his dog and ex-girlfriend's cat to "do their business" anywhere and didn't clean anything so it became unsafe for him to live in. Admittedly, those should have been red flags, but I started off dating him with very low self-esteem. 7 years later and he still refuses to train his dog. He says "I can't train them," then he follows it up with any excuse. If he can't commit to a wild dog, how can he commit to changing for the better? I do all the cleaning, organization, bill paying (we split the bills pay wise) and I am just wondering if it is selfish for me to want find better? He doesn't hit me, and he isn't a cheater. Will my 3 year old daughter be destroyed if I leave him? Is there a way to fix this type of communication issue? Should I try more? We've been together 7 years. I just don't know what to do anymore

Hey, you are in a messy one. I am hearing from your post that you are bored, lost, ignored, and understandably angry in a passive aggressive way. Living with someone that you have cheated on, his behaviors as your reasons to lead you to cheat. This is not a good environment for your daughter, they will pick up on hostility and distance. Now I also hear you feel like you are walking on eggshells and cannot be yourself and share your interests , feeling he will ridicule you? Are you sure this is not your own shame for cheating that you are carrying and it has spilled over into the barrier between you both. I am going to have to be blunt but if he is a weed smoker there IS A FOG between you both already. You are getting him at 50% if you are lucky....he will not be functioning at his best and dealing with conflict, lifes challenges , parenting relationships, sex forget it, his motivation does not exist anymore. He does notice what is happening, but it seems he cannot voice it. It would be typical to his situation not too. Id imagine he has low self esteem, he would not be emotionally mature, he pushes everything down by drug use. He is in denial, of taking responsibility for himself never mind you, daughter, the dog!!! I think your fella needs help, he could be suffering depression undiagnosed underneath the addiction , or as result to the addiction, it will and has permanently changed his brain chemistry. Weed is very underestimated as a drug people think it is harmless far from it... you can see effects it has, that thinking is all part of the addiction. In this place you feel resentment understandably so. The aha moment is this relationship is over, and has been for a long time. Both of you are gone outside the relationship for 'love affair'. You have an option to tell all to your fella, and work together to change things his addiction will have to be worked on and both in counseling. It will be a long long road... Or you walk away with your daughter.... however trying to find a solution to work things out first and when you have exhausted every avenue and it still has not worked then you will be more at ease about leaving. I wish you luck.

You don't deserve such a relationship. Why are you leading such a life with him?If your self esteem was low before the relationship, it is only getting constantly attacked in this relationship. You have mentally moved on already thats why you have distanced yourself, resorted to cheating etc. Listen to your inner voice, its telling you whats best for you...."To move on". As far as your daughter is concerned, she is small and will adjust easily to new situations. Moreover by staying in this relation there is nothing you are offering her that is good. There is distance and hostility between you both, she gets to see a father who is irresponsible, non affectionate, abusive put at its best. Children who grow up in such relations have lots of psychological issues themselves in the future. Is that what you want to give your daughter? If not, do move on...thats the best for all 3 of you.

Hi, I'm sorry for your issue it sounds pretty stressful and confusing. Honestly, if you didn't have a daughter with him you would have left him. However you do, I think the only way you guys can try to fix this is by communicating. I would suggest you search for a couples therapist close to you. Hopefully, after some hard work put in from both of you, you will be able to communicate better. If this does not work, leave. You have clearly thought about it and tried your hardest (don't leave him until you truly gave it all) your daughter will be better of with separated parents than constantly fighting and troublesome ones. Good luck!