I don't know how to feel anymore

Hi and thanx for wanting to listen - I don't know how to feel any more. I had been having a no strings relationship with a guy, which was fine by me. No ties, freedom to date and sleep with other people if either him or me chose to do so, no holds barred when we were together..... This guy is a drummer in a band, and my daughter's best friend is seeing the bassist of the same band. She had asked me if I would be going to see them, of which I had no real intention of doing so, (I must explain that I am in a band as well, and I had actually met somebody else and formed a pretty intense relationship with him, but have had stuff rock the boat in that relationship so that has just ended to all intents and purposes although he still keeps in touch every day). I took my son, my daughter, her new boyfriend and my daughters friend to see the band play this evening. The drummer I had been seeing was there, and I held well back from him, because I didn't want to let him think I was after him, which I wasn't anyway, but he surprised me by coming up to me and giving me the biggest hug he has ever given me, saying how much he had missed me, and how much he still fancied me. I must admit, by now, I was starting to warm up to the feeling of hugging with him, but thought to myself it wouldn't be a good idea to spend the night with him because I was still upset with the aussie guy I was seeing (cos I really really liked him but he has major issues in his life and he has decided he wants to be on his own), so I was going to put him off by saying he couldn't come back home with me anyway cos I was gonna be busy taking my kids home, plus the other two with me as well. He kept coming on to me most of the evening, but then after the band had finished playing, I went to go to the loo to take my daughter her handbag, and as I got there, I saw the tail end of him disappear into the ladies loos. I thought,'oh aye? ah well, so what, never mind' until I called out my daughter's name, thinking she was in another cubicle....I heard my daughter whisper 'oh Shit, shhhh quiet, she'll hear us'. I called her name out loud, and she answered, 'just a minute mum, I'll be out now'. She opened the door and tried to get out of there with him hiding behind the door, only his vest had fallen on the floor, and I had already picked it up by then, and when I bent down to pick it up, I saw hers and his shoes under the door, so I KNEW they were both in there. I told her to go outside, and she started yelling, 'Mum, I was doing this for YOU, because he is a womanising bastard and you need to know'. I told her to go outside, leave me with him, I would deal with him. I yelled at him, 'What the F do you think you are doing? You can F around with me as much as ya want to, you SH.., but don't you EVER F with MY DAUGHTER!!'. Then I slapped him across the face. Since then, all hell has broken loose. I have had my son here for the last month because he has been kicked out of where he lives with another member of my family, who has accused him of inappropriately discussing matters of a sexual nature with an under 16 year old, and finding loads of jailbait sites on his internet browser. I have had to deal with him trying to commit suicide, and creating a right drama there for my family, I have had to bring him home with me because the police, social services and the psychiatric team all think that he is not a danger, but I know, after he has said to me that he needs help to stop approaching younger girls, and we can't find any help for him, that I have to keep him in all the time for his own safety as inasmuch as prevention is better than the cure, which means I can't work, and as I work from home as a teacher teaching young girls under the age of 16, they can't come here any more, which means my income has dropped by a massive 85% per week, plus there are the hidden costs of paying for extra heating, and food bills have doubled and there is no governmental financial assistance for a woman in my position in life.. I don't know why the hell my life has gone like this - all I have wanted to do was be happy, but no matter what, I seem to be surrounded by chaos, strife, problems, and I seem to be central to all of them, but I swear to God, I have not done anything wrong except maybe love the wrong guy everytime..... I feel like my life is spiralling out of control through all of this. The above two problems are only the last two - in the last four weeks my life has changed beyond recognition....Back just then I was a successful musician, not famous by any means, but well known locally, out playing in three different bands, and teaching from home, and also working as a music tutor for a few well known organisations, earning enough to have been able to get off benefits and work for myself and clear all my debts I had run up bringing up my two kids on my own. In the last four weeks I Feel like I have lost just about everything except my ability to play music well - and there has been so much trouble surrounding me on the local music scene because of a couple of relationships that went wrong, and how one is still wrong, and the jealousy and backbiting about me because I walked away from an abusive relationship at the time into a successful career and had met a couple of other guys as I was a free woman. Now my life feels like it has been taken out of my soul and shredded in front of everybody. I cannot talk to anybody here at home of what has happened, because like I said, I am well known locally, and there are those out there who if they got an inkling of what was going on in my life, would jump on it and try to destroy me once and for all - and no, please believe me here when I say I am not being paranoid. I don't think everyone is against me or has turned away from me - but I KNOW a lot of them have, but I just don't know how to feel any more. My daughter said her 'plan' was to get him to strip naked and then run off with his clothes, so he would have to run out of the ladies naked, thus facing major embarrasment, but because I heard what she whispered, I can't trust that what she has told me about this plan is actually true. I am angry with her for interfering in my private affairs, I am angry at my son for bringing shame upon me, I am angry at all the negative gossip that has been going around about me lately, the false accusations, the backbiting, the bitchiness amongst the men, when all I wanted to do was just play music in a band, earn a living, keep my bills paid and the roof over my head, and find a bit of time and somebody to have some fun with.....have I actually done anything wrong? Please somebody, if you have taken your time to read all of this and you can throw some light on how I should be feeling right now, please tell me how I am feeling, cos even though I say I am angry at my kids, I love them both, but i don't want to be anywhere near either of them right now, because I feel like all their problems they have caused me along with everything else is wearing down on my very life force, and is making me ill....It's almost like I am most peoples favourite whipping post at the moment....