Mixed signs

I have been married for 12 years. My husband decided to retire and I stopped working also as to we were going to travel. But things changed his work offered him a good deal to come back and consult. He still draws his pension and paycheck. I no longer work outside the home. It's only the 2 of us I have no income as of now. He didn't need to go back to work but he chose to. So here's the problem every time I ask for money he tells me to get a job when I say okay I will he tells me not to I'm so confused. He does all the shopping I sometimes go with him he buys anything I ask for he pays all the bills. My name is not on any accounts that we have. He has all the credit cards my name not on them. That's all fine with me. I don't ask for money to go blow just to have a little in my pocket in case I want to buy something go out to lunch etc. He spends money on whatever he chooses I say nothing cause I have no income. He plays keno at local bar plays football pools etc. which is fine we can afford it. So why is there such a problem giving me 50 or 100 dollars a week. He use to not be like this he left money every day on table and I would give it back when I didn't use it and had saved it up. Please someone help me understand this.

Kassidy, get atleast a part time job soon. Forget about what he says or what he does. He seems to be confused and is confusing you. Start an account in your name too and save up. Who knows what future has in store? In the mean while speak to him about regular pocket money till you find a part time job. He is probably undergoing mixed thoughts himself about is it ok to retire, will the money you have both saved up be sufficient for the rest of your lives, Should we save up more, reduce expenses, then again the urge to spend on his weaknesses probably is too overwhelming etc. If you go to understand his thoughts in depth will confuse you more so leave it aside.

As not to defend my husband I am a very strong independent person I owned my own catering business when we married We decided to retire so I sold it. Yes we do have life insurance and a will where if he passes I recieve everything vise versa. I'm just trying to make sense of why he started acting this way recently. I know our retirement is enough to support us nicely until we pass. I will get his full retirement if he passes first. I read and signed all the proper paper work. I'm not stupid by a long shot just can't figure this out.

No I don't owe him money. I never ran up credit cards I had my own (which I gave him one also) I paid mine off I have never been on his. I've never been the type to spend much money him on the other hand likes to shop I don't like shopping unless I need to. So that's whats so confusing. I stumped thinking of leaving him I've tried talking to him he says I buy every thing you ask for. He does but that's not the problem. It's his attuide when I ask for money. I only ask for 20 dollars the other day when we were out together he said get a job be somebody I haven't spoken to him since 2 days now and yes we live in the same house still.

this is to reply to the post thank you for your comments. Yes he is 62 me 46. In thinking back Regina I don't know where this all got like this. We have always had a good relationship until recently and I can't put my finger on where it all went haywire. Yes my life now well I don't know. I mean we travel alot do alot of things together. So that is why I am so puzzled with this. I did go online and put in job appl. As far as leaving I can't I have no income to live on pay rent eat etc. When I tried talking to him about it today he started fussing about I don't even know what when I got up to leave the room he only said bo who poor pitiful you. At this moment I don't feel as though I even matter to him anymore. I ask if he wanted a divorce or separation he said don't talk stupid. I don't mean to complain this is the first time I've ever went on line and done this but I didn't know what else to do and Thank everyone for thier input maybe we"ll figure this mess out.

Hi everyone it's me and thanks a million for comments. If I get a job because he has forced me to do so I will definantly move out. No I do not have anywhere that I would stay if I told others around us about this they would simply say you two must be going through a crises cause he's great to you and you are so lucky you are a taken care of woman. I tried talking to a few people but not in as much detail and that was the response I got. When we are out around others he treats me great. Caters to me. No one would ever believe that he talked to me in such a way. He never has acted this way before. we have been retired for 2 years now. So why the change all of a sudden.

Hi Sweet Kassidy, Often when a man retires, and he has done some soul searching Way in advance, believe me, he gets to thinking about His future with either just himself, or even his wife of many years, and starts to get scared that he May run out of money before he reaches the ripe old age of---a hundred. He's worried as wart that being the economy is the way that it is, and getting much worse as each year goes by, that he isn't going to have anything left if he doesn't start to"tighten the belt buckle," as they say. I know you don't want to get a job now, or have to fight to get a buck from him. Try and sit down and come to some "allowance" compromise if you can. And if he is still obstinate and bull headed, then maybe for awhile you Could get a job and just sock some of it away for, or------put a carrot over his nose and leave for awhile, and tell him when he has come to his senses to at least "pass the buck," you'll be home to do your wifely duties, like the golden goose you have always been for so long. Good luck.xx

Kassidy, I feel PARS11's post is just on spot. I have seen some men in their 60's and believe me they act really weird. In all their lives they had never acted so but as of now they do. It is what retirement does to them. Their wives have had to really fight, rave and rant and finally have managed to get sense into them in some areas of non agreement. Your husband is acting silly (like other men of his age) and doesn't seem to be getting it. He doesn't even realize he is playing with your ego. So whats the basic issue here? Money and ego. Solution? If you arrive at a allowance system, it will solve money issue but not the ego hurting. Get a part time job. Since you had a catering business, may be try catering B'day parties? That way you won't have to work full time but still get money to spend on yourself and also he can't say the dialogue be somebody. 46 years is not the time to retire. He forced you to retire probably coz he must have been insecure that I won't be earning and she will be....would I have to depend on the money she earns? Also I will be at home while she goes to work, that may be odd for me to adjust to. In my earlier post too I mentioned it. Don't go to analyse his thoughts. This is the age where men get confused and if you try to analyse those thoughts it has no meaning and will only leave you hurt and confused too. Proof is what he told you :"I don't even know what when...". He is saying the truth. He really doesn't know what he is saying or doing.

Hello It's me again Thank you for your comments. but again I must say I don't think some of you are getting the full picture maybe I wasn't clear in telling all this just right so I'll try again. We have been married 12 years I owned my own catering business and done great in it. I do have a retirement put away, but I'm too young to get it it is set up to recieve it when I turn 60 I was okay with retiring when he did he was not suppose to go back to working or I would've never retired. He didn't work for the first 6 months we traveled alot and actually got to use our boat that summer for a change. He's always been really great and treated me with respect. No money issues no talking down to me. I knew he truely loved me as I did him. When we married you are right I had my accounts he had his no problem He never ask for any of my money I would just pay if I wanted to when we'd go out I would pay for vacations and such and all along he would tell me not to that he'd pay but I'd surprise him with trips anyways. I do still have my own credit cards that I've always had but I choose not to use them because I have no income and he would have to pay them I don't feel that would be right. Now I'm wondering with him acting this way maybe I should use them and let him pay since he doesn't want to give me money. He never showed any signs of control at all or of being this as--hole he has become in the last two months. This is why I'm so confused. I hope that I have explained this well. He's never been so hateful, and rude as he is now.

@ DORISQ - Haven't you heard of midlife crisis? If not do go through this website at least. http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/marriage/surviving-your-mates-midlife-crisis.htm

All I'm asking is some thoughts on why he just started acting this way I have had no income for 2 years now and this just started 2 months ago he's like a totalaly different person than the one I knew 2 months ago. Is there something maybe he's not telling me. There are no signs of him fooling around on me when he's gone i can call he always answers. I have never snooped around in his stuff cause I don't want him snooping through my stuff I have nothing to hide it's just respect for others stuff. Should I look through his stuff computer, in his office at our house? Could he be sick and not wanting to tell me? I feel like something has to be going on that I can't figure out. I ask him this morning if he wanted me to leave and told him I would only take what was mine what I paid for or brought with me when we married and that if it was money he was worried about he could keep it all cause it was his. He said he didn't want me to leave so I ask him what the problem was he said he had no idea what I was talking about that ended the conversation. He had to go somewhere which is normal. I done alot of laying awake and thinking last night and I decided that today at some point we have to talk if he insist that there's nothing wrong or doesn't give me a very good explanation for what he has said to me well I'm going to just bite the bullet and leave and withdraw enough out of my 401k to get by on until I find a job. I just can't take it anymore. I don't eat I don't sleep My nervers stay on edge. I do love him he has been the love of my life and leaving him will be hard but I see no other way. Hopefully after I've left him he will come to his senses and bring the man I feel in love with back to me.

Kassidy, is his term period for which consultancy was asked for, coming to an end or something?

KASSIDY, It seems to me that you have some differences in needs and how they are met between the two of you. I work as a Strategic Intervention Coach and as such I help people every day to analyze and deal with situations very similar to what you are going through right now. I would love to share some tips, strategies, and ideas that would make your marriage stronger than ever and you a stronger woman that would turn his head again like you did all those years ago!!