Really need advice

Hello. I've never written to a forum or help website before but I really could do with a bit of advise, thanks in advance for taking the time to read this. I've was single for about 3 years up until last Christmas. I was a happy carefree guy who had no problem getting girls for casual dates and romances, I've always wore my heart on my sleeve, honesty been an absolute paramount no matter who I was with, I had a few serious relationships in the past, one for 5 years and one for 3 years, but never could quite say with 100% certainty that either of them was the one I wanted to marry. I'm in my late thirties now. I met this amazing girl last Christmas. I felt straight away she was the one for me. She's in her late 20's She's intelligent, interesting, sexy, independent, I thought this is it! She was in a 3 year relationship and had been spilt up for about 3 months when we met. I knew from past break ups that she needed to take things slowly and I told her I understood what she was going through and I was there for her. It was an amicable break up and she felt good about it and said she was ready to move on. She said she knew he wasn't for her and he never put her feeling first, she said she didn't trust him. He was married before and had kids and he would always put them first. He never introduced her to his family and they had separate social lives. He said he would never marry her and said he didn't want any more kids. She said she constantly felt alone. I guess she loved him and hoped he would change his mind sometime. But it wasn't to be and they spilt up, she says they both made the decision together. She was grieving for a month or so crying at work and struggling to do her daily stuff. But she moved out from their flat and she was getting on with things. When we met she was happy and content and she spoke openly about her ex and I said I was always willing to discuss any issues, or talk about him with her if she needed to. We constantly spoke about these things and I was always willing to listen and be an ear for her and be someone she could trust and be open with Because she was being open and trusting with me. We have amazing chemistry and such a fantastic connection. We have the best sex I ever had in my life. I'm totally in love with this woman, she said to me I'm the one she want to have babies with and she never met anyone so open and honest and She never had anyone who actually put her feelings first and made her feel like she's the only girl in the room when we are together. I'm just being myself, and I never feel like I'm making a huge special effort to make her happy, it just feels normal to me to put her first and make her feel so special. I'm so crazy about her I can't put it into words. I knew this is the woman I wanted marry. Then about two months in to the relationship captain fantastic shows his face again and starts sending her flowers and cards saying lets work things out. He showed up at her work with a marriage proposal and said he was now willing to have kids etc. she told me about all these things and it really didn't bother me at all as I'm confident, and I was very confident in what we had, and she was open and always told me about was happening. She would tell me I'd he called of text her. Saying " oh the ex called today and want to talk but I said no its over and you need to move on" I had no doubts about our bond and relationship, When we first met, on our very first date I told her that I would never lie to her about anything and honesty was the key to life, I didn't want any secrets between us and I wanted to start as I meant to continue and I wanted her to know that. This is quite difficult for me to write. I'm heart is pounding now as I continue to find the right words to type. I had a bad accident at work and broke my Spine. Thankfully I didn't suffer any nerve damage and I'm up walking again. Had 3 weeks in hospital and a titanium plate inserted to strap the spine together. She was amazing throughout the whole ordeal and we became even closer as a result. I'm great now and back in the gym, ill make a full recovery. She decided to meet him one Saturday afternoon a few days after he had sent her flowers and a card. I supported her decision and said I'd be waiting for her afterwards in a pub and we would have a few beers. She came back and all was well, she said that's he's gotten the message and its over. I was relieved to tell the truth and we went to a restaurant for dinner. About a week later we were watch a film with a sad theme and ending and she went to the bathroom and stared crying. From that point everything seem to change. The coming days she was so distant, she wouldn't get changed in front of me in the mornings as we we now staying together as I was recovering from the accident I was at her place a lot. She would hardly return a text message to me all week. I knew her mind was elsewhere. She changed her password in her phone as I could see it was a different one and she took her phone everywhere with her. Into the bathroom and shower. I knew something was going on. Asked her straight Out was she seeing him and she said no. I knew it was a lie. I asked her if he and she were texting as I saw a message coming in from him on her phone and she denied it outright. I was so hurt and sad that the woman I love and gave 100% honesty and trust to was now feeling like she needed to lie to me and hid things. 5 days later later it all came out as I had enough of the lies and sneaking around and confronted her, I had made up my mind that if she didn't tell the truth I was going to walk away. She told me she me him the day after she broke down in the bathroom after the film and was in contact with him all week via text. Then she dropped the bomb shell... She said she slept with him. My heart sank to the depths of my soul, she said it was about a month earlier that it happened but I really don't believe her, maybe it was but maybe she slept with him this past week. I didn't know what to believe. . She said she wasn't sure who she wanted to be with and could t stop thinking about him. I was devastated. How could this happen? We actually had a holiday booked a few weeks previously and were due to leave in the morning after she dropped the bomb shell. I didn't know what to do. The holiday involved going to visit her parents who she hadn't seen in a long time as she and I though we are from different countries we both live abroad. Late that nigh as we still tried to work things out she said she knew she made a huge mistake and was sorry and would I please come with her on the holiday and meet her parents. I couldn't refuse as I knew walking away now wouldn't solve anything. I didn't want her trying to explain to her parents why she's now on holiday alone etc. so we patched things up best we could and went. We had a week of mixed emotions, happy times where we forgot out troubles and laughed and dance the night away and moments were we shouted and argued, Where I tried to get more answers to my long list of questions which were driving her crazy. She say "I can't do this anymore, I can't talk about it anymore" I felt I was walking on egg shells all week while we were away, afraid almost to bring it up as she might have another melt down and call the whole thing hopeless. I told her I needed her to take responsibility for what she had done and I needed to talk about it, I didn't want to call a friend and talk to someone else as much as I considered it I didn't want to undermine her integrity or our relationship. How could I call my brother or my close sister who I always talk to and tell her what happened, when just a few weeks earlier i said I met the woman I want to marry. I knew we could get through it, and I didn't want my family or anyone to think less of her. We decide she would call him on on our return from holidays, I would be present for the phone call and she would tell him it's over and she's moving on. She did this as promised and we are getting on with our lives she swore an oath to me she would be honest and true to me from this point forward, and I swore to her I would forgive her and would not bring up the subject again as we had closed the book on it. I rationalised it in the context that it wasn't just any random guy she slept with. It was someone she spent 3 years of her life with and she missed him and she probably did rush into things with me. I had two choices, walk away, or stay and accept it and move on. I stayed because I still love her so much and I've been through a few break ups too and I know how hard it is. We planned to move in together for the time being, and move away from here altogether as we both are not from here. We made plans and gave our resignations to work, I felt we are not running away from our problems but seizing an opportunity to start a life together and start fresh somewhere new. I was away for few days last week and there was a party planned for one of the guys In the house share we are living in. I joined them at 7pm when they were all well on the shots and drinks. My girlfriend was pretty steamed up and merry but not overly so, we all need to let loose and party it up now and again including myself who was getting the shots down to try and catch up the the rest. We all went to the pub at about 9pm and my girlfriend was getting more drunk now. But still taking and having fun, I suggested a pint of water to her. As I felt she needed it, she refused it and got a whiskey and coke, fair enough. Who am I to tell her what to do eh! She's a big girl at the end of the day and can make up her own mind! She was getting very cosy with one of the girls in the house share who was in the pub too. I went out side and the were sitting down together and my girlfriend had her arm around her. I went inside to the toilet and when I came up I could seem them through the window that they were kissing deeply and had their tongues in each others mouths. I had to look twice to believe it. Holy fuck! So I went out and confronted them and said what the hell is going on. My girlfriend wasn't really able to talk she was pretty drunk. The other girl was saying " what the hell is your problem" I lost my cool at that point as the other girl was clearly not drunk and was clearly in control of what happened. I called her every name I could think of and she started crying. I told her she had manipulated my girlfriend and had no right as we were together and I said it was cheating, and disgusting. I felt like my relationship was once again on the floor, totally undermined and in bits. How could my girlfriend do something that would make me look like an idiot in front of the whole place. I took my girlfriend by the hand and said we're going. She didn't want to come! She said we're finished I've done too much now. I can't fix it, it's all f***ed. I managed to convince her to get into a taxi as she was drunk and I wasn't leaving her there with that gang, I could just walk away form her, I need to put my emotions aside and do the right thing and look after her. She wasn't able to say anything constructive at all to explain he actions. We went home and slept it off. She admitted she's had bisexual thoughts for a longs time and she did fancy girls and she wanted to have sex with girl so badly. That did turn me on a lot and we did have some incredible sex all That night. I told her I wanted her to explore her fantasies as long as we could explore them together, She was happy and we will probably do it at some stage when things settle down. But I'm in doubt now about the whole thing. I've lost my trust for her, and I'm afraid I won't get it back! If she'll cheat with a girl, would she cheat with a guy too ? I feel that she just took no consideration of my feeling when she made out with that girl in the pub. I don't know if I can honestly get over all that has happened and be truly happy with this person now. She cheated on me twice now in 4 months and all the lies and dishonesty, just might be a step too far now. Am I just about to make the biggest mistake of my life by moving away with her and hoping everything will be fine? She said the kiss was a very drunken thing and she's going to quit the Booze now, but I doubt that will be long lived. Should I forgive her and move on, or should I just move on myself? I love her so so much and I want it to work. But have things gone too far now? How will I know if she'll ever be faithful to me the way I am with her. I'm like a broken man, every day is a roller coaster of different emotions. Many thanks if you have managed to read this. Really need a bit of sound advise from some one who's been there. Thank you.

Move on Popeye and save yourself. This girl is going nowhere fast. She needs to sort her head and you need to realise that she can't be true to you when she can't true to herself. If you can't trust her then your relationship won't last. For you to trust again, she needs to be supportive and by the sound of it, she's only supportive when things are all ok but put someone (her ex) or something (excessive drink) in her path and she's gone...only to come back to you to try and sort it. My ex wife (we were married for 25 years) was bi, but she was upfront about it from day one and she didn't need alcohol to get it on. There was no threat to me because of her honesty and openness about the whole thing. In your case, and given your age, you know you deserve someone who will be honest with you and respect you for who you are and importantly, someone who will mirror your standards and values. Quite simply put, you need to ask yourself if this girl ticks those boxes.

Thanks Manalone for your view, your opinion is is much appreciated dude.

She doesn't respect you. Perhaps that is what makes this situation so sad. You gave her so much and look what she done and how she treated you. My advice is this...move on. Sure, she gave you some good times. She's good in bed. She's interesting and sexy. You realize there are a lot more girls like this, right? ones that will have those qualities and ... wait for it... RESPECT YOU. You deserve better. If you care that much, move on. If its meant to be...itll work out in the end anyway. Maybe shell realize what a douche she's been and come running back. In that case, its up to you. However, she has shown you that she doesn't respect you. You cannot trust her now. What kind of relationship is that? There are more fish in the sea...fish with respect.

Thanks sarahbear and jj for your thoughts. Sometimes the best thing to do when one doesn't know what the right thing to do, is do nothing. Nobody's perfect at the end of the day, yes she fucked up but, maybe she can too put it all behind her, I've decided I'm going to give her another chance, but take the power back and make her work for it. Meaning I'm going to concentrate on my things, my interests, and let her be the one seeking my affection for a change rather than the other way around. Turn the tables a bit. What's meant or you won't pass you !