Trouble in paradise

This is a long post but needed to include all details. Ive titled this Trouble In Paradise because my boyfriend Zach (24) and I (23) have had smooth sailing for a while now. Now he has made me mad and upset me. However, I can’t tell if this is a legit reason to be mad or if I am overreacting. I have been known to do that. To justify this, just recently I was looking through an old diary from like 6 years ago. I was with a serious, steady boyfriend then. I wrote everything in that diary. I came across a page saying that he had gotten off the phone two minutes early (he called me during lunch break everyday), so I just knew he had to be cheating. Yes, embarrassing I know. Like I said, I jumpt to conclusions so maybe someone can help me. I thought maybe some outsiders could help me, and give an unbiased opinion. First off, I have some major trust issues. Like big time trust issues. Im not sure why. As far as I know, Ive never been cheated on, everyone tells me Im very pretty but ive always had low self esteem and trust issues. A few months ago, my boyfriend wanted to go hiking with a friend (male) and three females. He wanted me to go too and had agreed to go, thinking I could as well. I got furious. I couldn’t go that day due to a church function and I didn’t want my boyfriend running around with three women in the woods, even if there was another male. He said he wouldn’t go, and that was the end of that. I pretty much gave him an ultimatum. If he found the need to run around and hang out with female friends, we weren’t going to be together. Yes, some of you will probably jump down my throat saying that’s too harsh, but he doesn’t want me alone with male friends and so I expect the same. You cant have your cake and eat it too. If you have a girlfriend, you don’t need to care so much about female friends anymore. Now, if a female friend happens to show up or walks in (at a restaurant,etc) while him and his guys are hanging out, that’s fine. But to make plans with a female without knowing 110% sure your girlfriend can go just doesn’t fly with me, sorry. He begged me to stay with him and said that If I didn’t want him around female friends, he wouldn’t be. He said he’d do anything to keep me. Since then, its been rainbows and puppy dogs in our relationship. Things have been great. Fast forward to last night. His phone is laying out when I go to his house. He leaves it laying around because he says he has nothing to hide and I am always welcome to look at anything on it (he even gets me to respond to texts from friends when he is busy driving, etc). The phone was open to facebook messenger. Usually all of the messages are from guy friends. One caught my eye. It was from “beth” (we’ll call her this for privacy’s sake). Beth graduated with my boyfriend and I. Shes married now to her boyfriend of 8 years. Very nice girl. Not particularly attractive but a genuine, kind person. Her dad is what you would call a “big shot.” He has connections in the town. Her and my boyfriend were friends through school. He was actually closer to her mom and dad than her, but they’ve talked through the years. There were messages of her asking him to attend some sort of seminar event at a local college. Apparently her and her husband sell something (not sure what ) to make extra money and she wanted my boyfriend to attend the event as well, before her and her husband invested in it (to make sure it wasn’t a scam). Her words were “you’ve been out of this little town, you know more about this stuff than I do. I just want to make sure its not a scam. You can bring Heather (me) if you want.” It was at 10 that night (I have a 1030 curfew) so he said, “Ill see what I can do but she wont be able to make it (thank goodness he didn’t say she cant, she has a curfew – that would be embarrassing). Anyway, I asked him about it. He said that he had went to the seminar that night. This was early march he said. I told him I felt like I’d been lied to. I do. I feel like we tell each other everything and he didn’t tell me about this. He could’ve at least told me she invited US. What if I had seen her out somewhere and she said sorry you couldn’t make it the other night. I would’ve been like “what?!” This is a small town, that could have happened. I could’ve easily ran into her after that. I totally trust that he went. Shes married. Shes not even his type. That is not the issue. HE DIDN”T TELL ME! I told him he should’ve told me. His response was, “ We don’t tell each other EVERYTHING we do. Im sure you do some unimportant things sometimes you don’t tell me.” I said well we should! He said. “Oh, well, I took a crap yesterday. I didn’t tell you that. I haven’t had a shower today either.” (sorry, gross, I know). I just rolled my eyes. He knew what I meant. He said he didn’t tell me because he knew he’d be questioned and accused, which, sad to say, he’s probably right. I know he probably went because Beth’s father has connections in this town and could possibly help my boyfriend move up in his workplace to a higher position. So I can understand he wouldn’t want to make that family mad. I feel like he should’ve told me. That wasn’t the end of it though. Those were all OLD messages. The only reason her name was showing up in recents is because he had sent her a message yesterday. Apparently at his workplace today, this morning to be precise, there is going to be a public hearing that is open to the public, a meeting discussing things. They are going to discuss ways to help the town grow, etc. He had messaged her telling her about it and he’d like her to come to support the company. Im thinking WHAT?! He said that he’d told her dad too (that is understandable, he has ties in the town and it would make my boyfriend look good if her dad attended on his behalf, in support of him). I just don’t understand why the daughter was invited. She works at a bank for petes sake, what pull would she have in such a meeting? She had read it but not responded. I asked him about it and he said yeah, he had invited her. He said he’d also invited another lady (about 40 years old) that is a family friend. This lady owns a business so I can sort of see why he would invite her. It would probably benefit both her and him if she went. I’m just confused. He said I worry too much. He said I need to just calm down. He said he has never or would never even think about cheating, I just overreacting. He said I’m holding on too tightly. He said that he wouldn’t cheat, I just need to trust him. He said he loves me very much but he just wants trust from me because,e in his words, “he hasn’t gave me a reason not to trust him.” He told me that Beth wanted her and her husband and us two to double date sometime. So I know there is no reason to worry. He knew her years before he knew me. He could’ve had her then, but didn’t want her. The issue here is that he did. Not. Tell. Me…. I asked him if she was coming to the meeting and he said he didn’t know. He doubted it. The bad thing is I cant really blow all this out of proportion because people at my workplace are also friends with her dad (that has connections) and it could potentially hurt me in my job if I stir up anything, accusing his daughter of liking my boyfriend, etc. Another thing I wanted to mention is a few weeks ago, a guy kept coming in my office asking me out. He pestered me all the time. He begged me to date him. Of course, I let him know up front I had a great guy already. He added me on facebook and we talked some, as friends of course. When he kept telling me how pretty I am and stuff, I said yeah go look at my profile picture (of me and my bf) and see how good it is. His response was “I only see one person in the picture.” Long story short, my boyfriend found out about him pestering me asking me out and was mad I didn’t tell him. So although I am mad about this whole situation, I am not sure I can say too much to him, because there are things I haven’t told him as well. Can someone answer a few questions: 1) Would it make you mad he went to the meeting? He claims he didn’t tell me because I would assume things and accuse him wrongfully. 2)Would you be mad he invited her to the meeting today? Yes, her dad is a big shot, but why does she need to be there? Is he kissing up to her dad to help him move up in the workplace? 3)Should I ignore him a while? Usually we talk almost every hour of every day but I haven’t responded to his messages this morning. Im just mad. 4) Should I mention anything else about this or just drop it? I don’t want to give him satisfaction of thinking Im jealous 5) Am I being too jealous? Does anyone see my side of this?

Everything GWENDO has just said is spot on but I would just like to add to that..You also seem very selfish and manipulating.. You didnt make a big deal about 'Beth' because it could have consequences with YOUR job.. You dont allow him to hang out with his female friends but yet you 'add' a random guy whos been pestering you for a date on facebook!!!! And your bf just 'happens' to find out???!!!! You need to stop this manipulative and controling behaviour. Get some therapy sorted out for yourself and be thankful you have such a lovely man in your life, who from what I can see, you clearly dont deserve.

Thanks guys for the advice. Both of your answers were helpful and honest, sincere, although not particularly what I expected. Yes, I am a jealous person. He is jealous of me too. I just don't want him to be swept off his feet by some other girl so I get jealous when things like this happen. I appreciate the advice. I am going to take a giant step backwards and just give him space. I do want to make note that TAM09, your comment that I "clearly do not deserve him" is a little off-putting. I am jealous, yes but I am a VERY good person. I am very nice. Too nice actually, I usually let people run all over me just not to make them mad in standing up for myself. I am also not a skank, which is rare in this town. Pretty much all girls have been around the block if you know what I mean. Im still a virgin and am saving that for someone special...my boyfriend soon enough. Also, I care whole heartedly. It takes a lot to make me fall in love, but when I love, I love hard and would give someone the shirt off my back to help them out. I love him with everything in me. He knows this. So while I do appreciate your advice, I think I do deserve a good guy like him. Ive been to Hell and back with the last two guys I dated so by golly, I think its about time.