Unclear signals

my husband and i are both active duty military together we have done 5 deployments in the 6+ years we have been married one of which i was gone for over 14months at once during which time i had an affair with a woman he took this very hard i had been home for about 6 weeks and he left for 8 months during which time we fought the whole time after his return we rekindled our relationship and moved to hawaii together we had started talking about starting a family when i got called out for another deployment so i went about half way through he became very distant and said that he no long wanted us to be together but wants us to live together and not file i am a mess and have no clue what to do

After many years of working with couples and specifically with military couples, I can emphathize with you being apart for so much of your marriage. It is really hard to be apart and also hard when coming back together. Staying emotionally connected can get really complicated. I would agree that getting help as soon as possible is very important. Im wondering if you are still deployed. If so, did you know that there are some counseling opportunities available by phone or Skype for couples in these situations? I would also encourage you both not to get in a hurry to make decisions. Our feelings and emotions go all over the board and we are not in a good place to make big decisions while these things are going on. I don't know how much you know about stages of marriage, but it sounds like that is one of the problems you are experiencing as well as the negative results of so many separations. Sometimes looking at old pictures and thinking about shared enjoyable times in the past can be good reminders if you both really want your marriage to work. Remembering the shared dreams you used to have or planning New fun experiences neither of you have done before can get the focus off the problems and on to how much fun you can have together. I don't want to give the wrong impression, however, because there are many things just one spouse can do even if the other seems not interested. wishing you both all the best, WaverlyHanson