Sister slept with my husband

25 years ago my sister older sister slept with my husband. She only revealed this to my parents about 7 yrs later when she decided to tell them he had raped her. You can imagine their reaction - my dad was furious and wanted to confront my husband immediately but my mum said to wait and assess things first. Her first concern was why she had suddenly decided to announce this after 7 years silence and how it would affect me. A row ensued between my parents and sister as she took It that they did not believe her as they were unwilling to confront my husband. Their worry was that she had always been jealous of me as a child to an extent I had been unaware of and that maybe it was just another attempt to destroy my happiness by trying to take away something of mine.. After several months of my parents refusing to get involved she decided to take control and rang me one evening to tell me my husband had raped her whilst she was a guest at in my home. Obviously I was shocked, devastated and confused saying I needed to end the conversation in order to discuss things with my husband. The incident was supposed to have occurred on a particular weekend when she had stayed with us and what she didn't expect was that I had very strong memories of that weekend. We gad friends round and had all been out as a group to a local pub, I had returned home a little earlier than the rest of the group with a female friend to prepare supper for everyone on their return. Most of the rest of the group followed about 30 mins later leaving just my sister and husband who were coming back together in our car. After an hour we began to worry as there was no sign of them even though the pub was only 10 mins away and myself and one of my friends were just about to set off back to the pub to see if there had been some sort of accident when they arrived all smiles saying they were sorry they had got talking and lost track of time! Some of the guys were making sarcastic remarks about where they had been etc and I actually did think they were getting on a little too well but immediately thought no these were the two people I loved most and trusted them not to do anything so awful. When I told her I could remember the night and it really didn't go quite the way she was describing - after all she still stayed with us the rest of the weekend and there was no feeling of any atmosphere which surely there would be if he had raped her - she became quite defensive and began causing all sorts of arguments within our family (immediate and extended) trying to get people to take sides. All family members refused to take sides saying the argument was between us and they would support us both. I found it very difficult to have anything to do with her especially when she still insisted on maintaining the rape story. My marriage ended a few years later in divorce this incident not being the only reason but it certainly didn't help. Unfortunately my ex husband died a few years later -he was an alcoholic- and then things just got worse. My parents seemed to feel it was time for me to forgive and forget and allow our family to get on with it's life but I didn't find it that easy. I explained to them that I had no problem them having a relationship with her but I did not feel I could especially as she still maintained her story which I knew to be untrue - yes they had sex but it was never rape. Christmas is a very difficult time as are all family get together s. I often work over the Christmas period so have said it is fine for my parents to spend the holiday with my sister and I will see them at some other time. They now say that our family "is falling apart and it is my fault". Surely our family fell apart when she chose to sleep with my husband! I am lucky I have several very good friends who support me when I need them. I have had counselling which has helped some but it cannot get this situation out of my head! I would just love to pack my bags, move away and totally loose touch with my sister and my parents but then I think why should I let her win? If she really wanted what was mine which my parents still maintain she always has why let her win? But then should I care if she "wins" ? I need my life back!! Has anyone else been in a situation like this and if so what can I do to try to get through it? It just seems to get worse not better with time.

Hi Jinny, Deep apologies for what you have being through, being betrayed so badly by two people close to you. I do think you8r family are remaining neutral. Families can be the most painful relationships in life. They are where you need to be accepted and heard and sadly that does not happen and it can cut to the core of you. Please make the choice to let go..... of them. Start again. Its not about winning or loosing...... that thought is just feeding your anger .....( Understandably that you feel it) but let it go for no body else only you. You say you have friends that is really good hold onto that. Sometimes in life we make are own family. Build a life for yourself put some space and distance between you and them for a few months or even years.

I read your posting, an unfortunate situation. Though I have never had this happen, I am familiar with family members being enemies. I would have to agree with Mountain, its not about winning or loosing or giving in. Its about your mental health and maintaining this inner anger will in a sense suck the life out of your future years and I think taking a long break from your family could help as well.