Jealousy

I am a 32 year old guy living in Amsterdam, Netherlands. I moved here with my girlfriend and I am going through the most heartwrenching times I can remember now, because my girlfriend has gotten a job where she meets a lot of guys, and has a strong habit of smoking marijuana. I am completely embarassed about this situation because I cannot smoke marijuana at all when I feel like this, because it makes me go insane with fear. Even when I don't smoke and she brings friends in the appartment, I go to a state of silent pain that I cannot handle anymore, because I actually start shivering and having stomach ache and nervous twitches. If I don't stop myself from clearing this emotion from my soul, I will end up throwing myself in a canal and die alone underwater! I think I shouldn't tell her about this because I will be interfering with her own personal freedom, and I recognise that to be an awful thing to do. But sometimes I cannot help my self being a stupid jerk by answering harshly and unpolitely to her questions while I am in this state. She is right this moment with friends at an amsterdam coffee shop having a good time and I am home feeling the dark rage becoming thicker, and I want it to stop. I know this is wrong and I recognise now that I really need help before I destroy my relationship with her and her friends. She has had a past time not working at all and staying at home, recovering from a several front shock that we left behind from our home country. I was always there when she needed me, because I naturally love her more than anything else in this world, even though sometimes I get mad at her. I miss her everyday now, because I don't see her a lot (maybe she's avoiding the whole situtation by smoking weed, I don't know). She is very atractive (for everyone with a pair of good eyes), and I spent the latest years telling her that everytime she had her own emotional crisis, and now that I need her, I feel set aside, and easily traded for an afterhours at some lame coffeeshop. I am very very very sad today, so I decided to post this to see if I can put a stop to the whole situation. I can't stand it anymore. I need to change, something, everything, please tell me your thoughts about this. Thank you for your time and sincerity.

hi, im in a very similar situation 2 you, im 31 and have been with my girlfriend for 15 yrs and we have 2 young girls, she has just recently returned to work, she works in a childrens home, where there is alot of other young single guys working, she seems to get on alot better with them than me and it hurts, my role at the minute is like that of child minder for her so she can have her job. she has already told me that she is not IN love with me anymore, but i asked for one more chance untill christams, she agreed but all we seem to discuss is are failing relationship then the next thing she is on the phone to some guy at work all smiles andf giggling, its driving me mad, im probably going to leave as i carnt see any way forward.... so dont worry pall your not the only 1 feeling shit..

I am the same too. I have a boyfriend who is a musician and works in clubs. He is always surrounded by women of all kind, drunk and easy. I know he is honest and true to me but it is hard for me to accept it. I have the same physical reactions that you and it is hard not to feel insecure.