Can you remain friends

I am ending a long term relationship and wanted opinions on can we remain friends with an ex? OR is this not possible?

Hi Oldie123, Yes it is possible to remain friends with and long term ex. Sometimes you stay friends for a short while after so its not as final. However, sometimes it is best not to go there, because two people need to move on from each other properly, having ex hanging around can potentially jepordise a new relationship.....

Well, A friendship is possible but mind that it should be a very shallow one. The closer you get the harder it'll get for you guys to remain friends. It'll either end up with hatred and memories that'll lead to depression or you guys getting back together. It's not the best idea but if that's what you really want then go for it. -AAA

Yes you can remain friends. You do not have to be excessively close just check in once in a while and avoid meeting up often to catch up or whatever because that is totally unnecessary. If you are trying to move on just do so and leave what's past behind. Therefore do not force the friendship to be even when you realise it's shallow. Let it remain shallow and just live your new life. If you ever meet you be cool with each other and nothing more. All the best.

Friends or not, when you are in a relationship with someone, you treat that partner as your significant other. Anyone you let in close like tour partner, especially an ex of some sort, you will face difficulties and I GUARANTEE your partner will feel awkward and be annoyed. Your ex may say he or she is only a friend to your partner, but this does not help change anything st all. Move the fuck on! Fucking baggage stinks.

Yes, you can remain friends, but it depends on the length of the relationship and the circumstances surrounding you ending it. It also depends on the maturity of the two people involved in the relationship. I personally have remained friends with my ex wife and I get on well with her new man. I don't ring her or meet her constantly but we communicate well when we do meet up. She's in my life but only as a friend. The trick is to learn where to 'have' an ex in your life. If they respect you and yours and that respect is returned, there is no problem. People talk about baggage, but baggage is what's left after a relationship has ended badly. If a relationship ends amicably, there is no baggage, only past memories.

I just don't believe in keeping contact with an ex. What's the point in reminiscing past memories, if that's all there is left? For me you move on. Also.. Despite being mature about it, it can be done, yes. However, I guarantee over time it will be shit.

You spoke about respect. Yes, respect. But what if the current partner does not value the practice of keeping contact with an ex? Do you ignore this request for the sake of following and not disappointing your past lover? For example, your current partner and her ex go on vacations, trips, and your current partner talks to her ex daily. She also sees him in his hospital bed saying his parents are unable and his own partner is unable. I understand, but does he not have any friends? Respect. What honestly is it? Respect. Such a profound meaning when given specific contexts!

Arrow, who said anything about reminiscing past memories?..memories are just memories, good and bad. Respect is a specific feeling of regard and esteem. Life's too short to have enemies and so I respected my ex wife's wishes to end our relationship as a couple. We're fortunate to be able to remain friends through mutual respect for each other. If my ex wife's partner didn't agree with her remaining friends with me, then she wouldn't be with such a shallow person in the first place. She chose a new man (after years of being alone after our divorce) to mirror her standards and values which is reciprocated back to her. Likewise, the woman I'm now with shares my opinions and she, herself, remains good friends with her ex husband. He is no threat to me because he remains her friend only and will do so for life. So both of us have moved on from each other from a couple in an intimate relationship of 25 years to two people being just friends. We have no baggage, only respect for each other. There is no bitterness or recriminations. My original post is advice to OLDIE123 demonstrating that where there's a will, there's a way, especially between two MATURE people who BOTH wish to remain friends regardless of their past together.

Friendship with boundaries, that's all I have to say. I cannot understand the need to be friendly. Break up without being needy. Say hi whenever you see on the street. No need to update about your life. That's kind of lame. There is strength in moving on. Sure, you can be mature and say yeah we don't hate each other. But updates and talking everyday. That's shallow end of the pool. My father cuts any relationship and moves on, that's what made him strong. What's the point in talking to a past lover. No hate, no love, just the feeling of not feeling anything. Like a stranger on the street. You wouldn't say to a stranger the details of your life would you? Sure, friends. But if my partner felt the need to attach herself in anyway to a past lover, especially when its about seeing that past lover whenever he calls for her, that's bullshit. We are both speaking from experiences, and from my perspective, and the path I went through in terms of dealing with the utter bullshit, I gladly say it is not worth it. And therefore seal my JUDGEMENT regarding the matter. I see your opinion, and we will only differ. Last post. Luck to you, Olie.

There is no definitive answer to this question. There are way too many factors to consider. Hence the variety of opinions laid out on this issue. I can tell you for a fact there will be no guarantee's to how a situation like that will turn out. It could go bad or good. It depends on the persons personality, circumstances surrounding why they're an ex and your ability to cope with happiness and just your emotions in general. I've seen people remain friends with their ex's. Sometimes all of their ex's, they still seem to move on and get new lovers. For some people it's a learning experience for both parties in what they want in a relationship and a friend. It may seem rather shallow to think that way, but it is impossible to know until you experience it. One individual could be very willing to become friends again and very able to do so effectively. These qualities much be reciprocated to some degree in the other person or this will simply not work. If you find you cannot control your emotions towards this person, i.e you can't make the love you feel for them fade or reevaluate your definition of love to suit this feeling you have, you probably need to take a break for a while to fix that. Doesn't mean you can't come back later and be friends, but again that all depends on the factors I stated before. So in conclusion it's very random. You can't possibly know, to an accurate degree, the ability of the person to cope with this. You can however know the circumstances surrounding it. If a relationship ended on good terms, it's more likely to remain friends, bad terms not as likely. You can make some predictions based on their personality if they can cope, via their behaviors displayed towards the relationship. eg. if they were very clingy then they will probably find it harder to cope. Things like that. I hope that helped and I hope you have a wonderful day.