Trouble with my marriage and a tough decision to make

Hi, I am married for 4 years inter-religion love marriage. Lots of struggle and issues, convinced our parents and got married.Both the side Parents were happy as we ensured that they are not hurted. My husband was not that smart to handle life, I was little martured. He had no focus as to what he wants in life, but was a sweet guy, jovial, understanding and hard-working. We both came from a poor background. We slowly took our life ahead, started from zero. I had always been a motivator,guide,friend, mother and a lover to my husband. Even he was a real good friend to me. I wanted us to get all necessities of life, earn, focus on spiritual, finiancial, professional and personal goals of life. I had always been systematic and target achieveing. Successful in my life so far, If I decide on getting something I would for sure get it with my focus and dedication. He always been appreciated to be loving, caring daughter,dedicated employee, good lover, faithful friend. My husband who was a careless, low ambitious and just playful guy. I trained him well, poilished him, made him realize of all good that he has in him, encouraged him. Created goals for him and holded his hand in every step to acheive those goals. He was very dedicated and he was like a kid, listened to me and walked on it. he respected me alot and always been obideint and dedicated in anything he does and acheived everything almost. But I always had issues with sex life. Romance was really far from our life. the more I started making up his goals clear to him in life, he started getting more deeper into it, he became materialistic. Though I was holding his hand in every steps, he was more ignorant about me. I would rush home early expecting that I can have some good time with him, but as soon as I reach I find him happy browsing, being on facebook or watching youtube videos. I get disappointed and go back continue some household activities. Slowly I started coming home late. I started feeling very much lonely. Within few month of marriage I noticed that he likes me respects me, obeys me but more as a friend and guide not as a wife or lover. No physical closeness, he would sleep very early. I started making him understand that life is not only about your happiness you should also think of your partners happiness. My happiness is in you, if I get your time and have good chat I would be most happiest. He would listen and agree but wont act on it. Sex- Right from the begining, he had not liked me physcially. I weigh more than him, 157 cm 74 kgs. He had very low- libido right from teh begining. Even first night we did not enjoy with each other. He was tiered and we slept. Initially for few months we shared some time on bed(not regularly) but soon he was bored. Whenever I want him, he started avoiding. Later on he started commenting on every part of my body, later started comparing my body with other sexy girls. He started making me feel that Iam not good looking and so he is not getting attracted towards me and not getting into mood for sex. I started working on weight reduction, but I used to give up frequently, again keep trying and fail. Life moved on, I started concentrating on making up a home. We both worked together purchased a flat, full concentration on it, completed the activity.Purchased car, settled as to what we would need for a settled life. I found him every more worst, his mind was only thinking of decorating home even more, concentrate on keep buying things to home. Money, home, materials. Sex, Love, Romance was getting washed off completely. Once in two weeks for sake of doing it we used to get physically close. To have sex, and to get him mood. I should either get dressed up hot, or watch porn, or narrate and play some erotic stories. Only then he would get into mood and we would have sex. I would browse and check and would find that he has issue and has low libido, when I explain him and ask to get treated he would instead point his fingers and blame me that all guys are like him only and he is normal, where as it is me who wants it frequently and I have issues. I used to sit take him in my arms and explain him that what he is doing is wrong, what life is actually. Its all about love, acheving things we can do it together and we are anyways doing. But love is something that will strengthen our marriage and give us all happiness. I used to make him realize of his mistake like a kid and show him right way. He would listen but waste. No improvements. Life was changing for me badly, loneliness was eating me up. If I want to talk to him, he is busy with some junk on facebook, youtube, TV, and friends. I was getting mad.I was so irritated that I wanted to quit my marriage and be away.After two years I warned him strictly, that if he continues changing meaning of life I would leave him and go away. As usual he would agree for me, cry along with me when I shed tears, promise me that he will change and take things seriously. He would simply try it once or twice and then again the same, I would see no results. Then, I thought Kid would be the only way to save my marriage. I started taking treatment as I have PCO. He never like kids so on mutual understanding we had no kids for 3 years, then to save my marriage I decided to have kids even he agreed. During treatment I found that even during ovulation period we would have sex very rare and missing my dates. Then I strongly suggested him for doctor. I took telephone consulation. Finally, got to know from doctor that he actually has a mental blocker for sex and he has no interest in it. He had this issue even before marriage but never took it as issue and ignored. So doctor said me that it is not curable because it is personal interest of a human and my case is rare. If he loves you atleast for yoru happiness he will satisfy you, whereas he is meaningful and comes to you only when he needs you not when you need him. I decided not to have kids, as my parents his parents and he, none are interested in kids and what if I quit him, I will have additional responsibilites of kid... So I said him I dont want kids, he was happy for it and said he is ok with my decision. He just said ok for kids to keep me diverted from him and my parents. I says he wants me to have an independent life, he doesnt want me to love him like crazy. He wants me to be his wife but not dedicate my life for him. He is happy if Iam with my friends, he wants me to live for myself not for him. But Iam happy for living for him, I was happy to love him care for him. But he said, you love me 100%, but I want only 60% of love, you keep 40% to yourself and love yourself and be happy. That hurted me to the core, if a person can meaure love and say that he doesnt need my love. Then he doesnt deserve my love, Iam actually wasting my life and love for a person who doesnt deserve it at all. I had only 3 requirements from life and from my husband. I wanted him to respect my parents and talk to them few kind words as they are really aged. He never did that, he always failed. Never even for their age he bothered and respected them. I wanted a loving husband who will know the meaning of physcial closeness and atleast a hug that will make me feel the warmth oflove, I just want a peaceful life where we will know value for each others presence in our life. But he is always busy and happy in his own way. I have now clearly decided that I would better quit my married life. I said him my final decision. He never took it seriously even now, after a great effort now he understood that my decision is final. I said it to my parents and his parents, none are taking it seriously. They are advising me to continue with him. My parents are scared of my marriage breakup. My mom instead tells me that even if Iam not happy its fine, just live with him for society and for their respect in society. My parents says that sex and kids are not the only happiness you have everything else in life be happy and continue. He is a good guy who will be with me forever so dont be foolish to leave him. At the same time, a friend entired my life, whom I know from quiet a long time. Who really needs a partner for his life. He is loving caring and more than anything he needs a loving wife. He has some issues with his health and some challenges where a wife like me can only understand him and make his life beautiful. We never thought that we would get so close. Sharing our issues, we got to know each other and we have finally fell in love. A strong bond. But we know the challenges we have to get married. None would agree for this, and more than anything my husband is not ready to divorce me, as he wants me for his smooth life. there is no risk for my life even if I leave my husband, I have this friend who will fight against all and get married to me and I can get all from him that I missed. But I worry that I would leave my first love behind, how his life would be? I am I deciding it right? Would i regret any day for leaving my husband? Will my innocent,ignorant, foolish husband have a better life and find a better girl ? I think so much. On the other hand if I see, my friend who loves me so much, and who needs me for his life seriously, yes if my friend was not into picture I would have still continued with my husband even if Im not happy. But my friend needs me and I cannot even leave his hand. I cannot tell this truth to anyone but I need to decide it asap. Please suggest what would be better and how can I proceed.

If you do not love your husband, leave allow him the chance to be loved!!!

If you continue in this marriage loneliness will keep eating you on the inside. Are you prepared to face that? It is clear that you do not love your husband any more as a partner, only as a friend. Don't worry about society respect and all....if happiness is not there in being together then the relationship is as good as dead. He will also eventually find someone else whose libido might match with his.

I agree completely with Suziedq. You may have meant well by trying to make your husband better. I hope you don't take offence from this but it sounds to me that your need to 'train him' may have brought all this on. That said, if you're giving a 100% to a man who's giving you 60%, friend or no friend, you deserve (and can obviously get) much better. As for your parents, they are applying their cultural beliefs but those are not necessarily yours. Neither is that of your friend or forum posts. You know what will make everyone happy so use your best judgement and good luck.

Also, as a child of an unhappy marriage, i would ask you and anyone else to refrain from having children to quick-fix any relationship- especially to a father who does not even want children.