Recently single: feeling alone and scared...

I was recently dumped by my long distance girlfriend. We had only been "dating" for 2 months but I had become very invested in our relationship. We had our first falling out the weekend past but I had thought we were getting through it. Then she told me a couple of days after she was confused and needed to think about something. After pushing to find out what she had eventually told me the day after that she likes her long term and close friend. I told her she had a choice and she chose him. I have been feeling alone ever since. The support I have received from friends and family has been great, but there is still a void in my life I can't seem to fill. I don't know how to fill the time that we spent talking to each other (and we spoke through Skype and other social networks almost every day without fail). We were so serious about making a go of it, we did so much together despite not having the chance to meet each other in person, being from different countries (her from Canada and myself from England), and we shared and did more than I had ever done so in any of my previous relationships. If I had to tell you how I feel right now, it would be betrayal. We made promises to each other like we would always be together and nothing would ever change between each other and no matter what problems we had we would work through them. I'm also scared that she might just be acting impulsively and that she would change her mind when I want to just move on. I feel lonely too. I have lost my closest friend. Somebody I know I would have moved heaven and hell to be with. I just didn't want this relationship to mean nothing or for it to be a learning experience. I wanted it to be "it". I don't believe in getting experience. I look for "the one" which is why I know I lack experience. I'm nearly 20 and I'm still a Virgin, all 3 of my serious relationships have ended and I'm a shut-in. I'm scared I will die alone. I have had to deal with a lot of crap throughout my childhood and I have suffered from depression. I don't want to slink into myself and forget the world. I just need someone I can be happy with, that will motivate me and be my rock. I need my soul mate. I hate the fact that when I think I have found her i eventually discover that I am wrong. Somebody please help me.

This is the major problem with always fixating on this idea your current partner will be the "one". Reality is, that is not always going to be the case. People go in and out of relationships throughout their entire lives, so this belief is fundamentally flawed in this respect. This belief brings you so much hope, motivation and dedication. However it's dangerous, if your expectations of "the one" Are not met things like this happen. You get devastated and wrecked beyond belief, feeling like you are now. It can also have other effects, such as over-looking negative aspects of relationships. Dealing with them because you have this expectation and mindset this is "the one" So you can't possibly back out yourself now? This leads to over-looking these facts. I don't think relationships are all about experiencing them. At the end of the day they're people. At a fundamental level the interactions you have are just social interactions. You can learn these from just friends and people in general. If you understand the common person and have a grip of reality it's quite simple, however you'll hardly ever come to a definitive answer on such matters. Usually it'll be this could happen or that or that one other thing. This being in reference to the outcomes that can happen in relationships, predictability. Which is very low. I think you shouldn't have this mindset. It's very unhealthy. It's the idea of co-dependency. You're relying on other people for you happiness, when that person can't deliver you suffer. Therefore you have little control over your happiness, but you should have major control over your happiness. As that's better in the long run, if something goes wrong you can fall back on yourself. Ultimately you are the only one that can reliably get something done. You wanna be happy? You can do that, some else could? But they can't always. Something I don't understand however, you lost your closest friend? Was she your closest friend? If that is the case, then because there is no love there she isn't your friend anymore? That doesn't sound right. When a relationship ends that doesn't mean all contact with this person ceases. You should still be capable of being best friends. However that's only if you're capable of handling your emotions to get over her while being in contact with her too. I'd suggest at this moment in time, you focus on getting over her. Don't worry about if this is just an impulsive move or anything relationship related. Whiling trying to get over her your preparing for the worst, which is never a bad thing. I'm sure if she came back to you while you were getting over her, she'd immediately cause a relapse in your emotions if you truly loved her. Also take this time to gain some independence, try to discard this belief. Find ways to make yourself happy, by focusing on hobbies, interests and things that make you happy without relying on people. This should make you rely less on people and more on yourself, which is a very good skill to have. Obviously don't reject or ignore your friends or family to do this, just don't go to them on impulse. You shouldn't need any one person in your life to be happy, since in the limbo of you not having this person you will be majorly unhappy, that's not good. All you should need is yourself and yourself alone. Friends and family are extras, they're nice things for support. Support everyone should have, but that is sometimes not the reality. Also this belief can make you fall in love through desperation. You want someone urgently, for the sense of belonging that you fall in love easier and not for the right reasons. I hope that helped, good luck and have a wonderful day :)

Hi I completely agree on the last post regarding 'the one' concept. So many people buy into it, it is the mindset of a gambler and mysticism, fuzzy place, not very grounding or steady. You will not die alone you have many years ahead and many people to meet along the way. Focus on yourself and getting stronger and surviving this experience. 'I just need someone I can be happy with, that will motivate me and be my rock. I need my soul mate. I hate the fact that when I think I have found her i eventually discover that I am wrong'. This is your last paragraph, all the power to be happy lies in someone else hands either hers or someone out there.....not true at all and this thinking is damaging and will not serve you well. Your best years are NOW please ENJOY your life and learning how to take care of yourself, live in the moment and once you love yourself, and are on your own path to happiness, strong and not falling apart you will see the world in a healthier way. Healthy , happy, grounded,people attract the same in others. You have alot of work to do. You will look back and laugh at this in a few years.

I absolutely agree with the other 2 postings....happiness comes from within. However, I'm not sure that you can live in a "vacuum" so to speak....you are the type of person that needs to have contact with the other sex.....even if you both of you only want to be friends (and having a female friend can be priceless in trying figure out how the female mind works) There's an old saying that if you are depressed, the BEST medicine is to help others. Get involved in activities where you can make new friends.....find a church you like..join the choir....sign up for a college class ....offer to read to people in the hospital & nursing homes (around all of those nurses) MANY of the people in nursing homes have no family/friends left to visit them. You could make a HUGE difference in somebody's life. The more you put yourself out there, and the more you do for others, the more that will come your way...and you won't have to use Skype to find somebody. Believe me when I tell you that the staff of the hospital/nursing home that you choose will DEFINITELY notice you, and see what a good heart you have. Remember, you're only 20..&.you have many years ahead of you, and I think things work out the way they're supposed to..... When you way that you don''t believe in getting experience

Eros, you feel lonely coz you allow yourself to feel that way. Lets take it step by step. 1. Right now you feel lonely, feel like you will slink into depression - Keep occupied. Whenever you feel you are going to sit and brood, change your focus to something interesting to do. Join some club, classes etc. Don't allow yourself to feel lonely! 2.Feel you will never find a right partner, isn't it? Wrong. 20 is not the age for someone to fall into a serious relationship. Your age is to explore friendships. Probably the girls you were with were also feeling uncomfortable with the speed in which you were proceeding to a serious relationship. Next time slow down. Get to know each other for many more months. Watch out for how comfortable she is getting to be with you. Get to know her thoughts before expressing yours and kind of pulling her along with yours. 3. Void - That unfortunately only time can fill it. Just keep reminding yourself, you were fine without her before she came into your life, you will be fine soon just like earlier times.