My strange world... time for advice

Good Morning I never thought i would be typing away on an online Forum but i think i have reached the point of confusion and in dyer need of good mature honest advice. As much as i do not know how these Forums work i think my story falls in many categories. But im sure i will feel some light and the end of all your honest replies. Firstly please excuse my grammar and spelling. As my state of mind is not very settled at the moment but will try my utter best to explain as much as i can and clearly. And this may be a bit long. As much as there is more to it. I am 30. Raised in Africa. Mixed. English father, African Mother,. Both parents passed. I had lost contact with my siblings at 16 when i moved to this country on my own to start my life. I have worked my socks of keeping a roof over my head and put myself through education. Kept out of trouble but trouble always seemed to find me. Having no guidance and support i defended on my own keeping myself safe and alive. Putting my trust in so called friends who i thought could be my family. And of coarse thinking i could find love. Im a very strong minded woman. I have been through a hell of alot, things you can not imagine. Things i can not share on here. Since 16 i have battled to keep a roof over my head and keep a positive mind. Even though alot of times i felt empty. I had 4 serious relationships no less than 2 years each. I am not a one night kind of woman. I like to commit. Plus im very picky as i have a fear of being hurt. Even though i am a strong independent person. All i desire is to be loved and cared for. Like any woman would want. My last relationship ended in January. The same month i finally got my own flat. I was turning 30, had a good paying job and planned this year to be a good year. In January i found out i was pregnant. Always wanted kids but thought i could never have kids for some reason. The amount of accidents i have with my past relationships. I though i had bad eggs. Then boom. Happy 30th to me. I felt extremely overwhelmed. But the father didnt. He turned evil. Like i didnt know him. Like i took away his life. Like i stabbed him in his chest. He switched on me. Told me to get an abortion. Got angry and scary to the point i could tell he would do anything to make sure this child does not come into the world. He threatened me with all sorts. Police involved the lot. You name it. I panicked. Now i have been through hell and back in my life. And fought and battled every situation. But this right here was different. I had to make sure this child inside me is safe. I fled. Left every item in my flat. Packed a suitcase, and took a train into London, called a woman's refuge in fear and i have been staying here ever since. It might sound crazy and stupid of me to leave in such a way. I have always lived my life organised and planned and sensible. But something in me told me to go. Its peaceful here. Ive met some wonderful strong woman who have been through alot too. And its nice to get advice from them. But everyone has experienced different things so its hard. At the end of the day we follow our heart. I just wanted to be stress free as i did not want this strange environment to effect my unborn child. And the fear of miscarriage. Everyday i am grateful to be safe and free from what turned into hell. Always thinking he might find where i am. Going back in time. 8 years ago. I use to have a group of friends when i was younger. There was this guy in the group who always had his eyes on me. He has the most wonderful soul. Down to earth gentleman. We knew each-other vaguely. I knew he liked me. Always stayed in touch as friends. I was always in a relationship and i would never cheat. As much as i like him back then. I moved town but he always messaged me on the social media to see how i was and if i was well without fail for over 8 years. Until now. Bump into each other. What are the odds. Only a few weeks in this town living in a refuge i would not of thought. I have never seen his face light up. And i have never seen my heart feel so warm. I told him everything as i do trust him. Hes a very respectful guy and amazing to talk to. Im a very stubborn person and i find it hard to open up to people. Especially the situation im in now. I have no one. No family. All my friends who i reached out for a little help even thought it killed my pride. They turned their back. I had no one. And there he was. Like a guardian angel. Now i like doing my own thing and i find it hard people telling me what to do. So having no control or having my own home my stress levels are challenged. We would hang out. Dinners, movies go out for walks etc. We knew each other so it felt like hooking up with an old friend. He helped me not think about anything negative, made sure i was always ok, if i needed anything, always calling me, long long convos, he would take his time out of work just to make sure i am smiling at the end of the day. He wanted me and the babie to be happy and healthy. Which is the most amazing feeling having that support. But because of our history i knew he liked me. And he said he always did. And i wont lie i liked him to. We started flirting more and more, kissing, holding hands basicly he treated me like i was his and he was mine. In the back of my mind i thought this was wrong and selfish as i should be focusing on me and this child. And getting a home. But it just all felt so right. And i normaly dont give my self up quick with men. I like to make them work. But its like every moment with him i felt so happy. I am 6 months pregnant by the way. So this has been going on for 2 months. He makes me happy and wanted to take things slow. As i know he is not the father of this child. I do mention to him that im falling for him. And he mentions the same back. But ends it with '' i dont want a relationship with you as i still think i need my freedom for a while''. '' as much as i deeply care for you and feel its my duty to be here for you and get you through this bad time, i just dont know what i want and my head is confused'',...'' its bad timing for me and i didnt think i would meet you like this ''. '' i want to be there for you and the babie no matter what and maybe i would change my mind '' '' its not that your pregnant because i see you as just you, a wonderful woman any man would desire but im not romantically ready '' '' if you are happy with just being friends and being how we are now then im happy too '' Thats when it went to complete confusion on my end. Why would he act like he would want something from me? He would treat me like his girlfriend, been to all the midwife appointments with me, kiss me and hold me, bend his back to do things for me.....more than most of my past partners have ever done in a short space of time. I like to communicate with people always. But i just shut down. I started blaming myself. Maybe its my hormones. Im a confident person. But he made me feel like i was not good enough. Or that he had someone else in mind. I dont know. Some men are really good at this game. Normally i spot out dogs in seconds but his honesty was very mature and left me so confused. So i spoke with him properly and told him how i feel. His face was so sad and he was upset with himself because he wanted to be with me but some how couldnt. And i care about him so much i respected his decision. But its hard to be just friends with someone you have feelings for. So i said im going to have to focus on myself and my babie as i can not deal with any drama right now. And getting hurt. That i can not see him anymore. And contacting would be at a minimum. He hated it. Its been a week now and he keeps calling but i dont pick up. He txts me but i give short one worded answers. Even though i want to scream out I MISS YOU!!! i cant. Ive started getting back into my painting as i paint canvas's and sell them on ebay to make some money. Keeping busy with the ladies here in the refuge....looking after me and bump. I just can not stop thinking of him. And it kills me because i miss talking to him. Am i wasting my time? Do i continue this strange but wonderful not so relationship with him? Am i chasing away something good? I need some help here. I am normally the one to give advice to people but i surrender. I guess you cant help what you feel for someone. Thankyou for listening

Think of your feelings when you fist found out you were pregnant. Maybe some panicing, some confusion. And that is YOUR baby. Now here is this man who is carring for you and he is having the same feelings that you were first having, confusion and panic. But he is there for you. That is something not all women get, even from their boyfriends. You may want to let him know that you understand his feelings but that you need stability at this point. If he wants to be your friend then the kissing and loving must stop because it is too confusing for you. If he just needs more time to sort out his feelings then you may want to give him this. He sounds like he is willing to be there for you he is only afraid right now. I would not stop being his friend. Really good friends are hard to come by. Instead let him know that you and your child need stability so he needs to decide what role he wants to play in your life.