Starting over

I've been separated from my husband for 9 mnths now. It's our 2nd and last separation. I don't love him anymore I actually find myself hating him at times. We have a 3 year old son together. He has cheated on me, disrespected me, manipulated me, walked all over me and mentally abused me in so many ways. And yes I was dumb enough to allow it to happen over and over again and do place a lot of blame on myself.I've always tried to be a good person and always tried to find the good in everyone I meet.I think this is where the problem began. When I first met him he showed me an incredible person but it didn't take long to see he was like jekyl and hyde. I loved this man more than life itself and over the years he has hurt me in ways I did not think we're possible, yet I still live with him and he still has some control over me. I moved out for a few mnths but had to move back in bc of financial issues and I needed his help with our son. I feel like a robot. I laugh at his jokes, I continue sleeping with him on occasion, I clean the house we live in, I'm so miserable I can't even see straight. I've always been a shy person so I don't have friends, I don't speak with my mother at all, and my dad has a new wife with kids of her own so his house is full. I have no one and where to go. I find myself doing all of these things for my ex bc I don't know where to go or what to do. I feel like a victim but when I think about the big picture I blame myself for all of it. The worst part is I feel bad for him. Even after all he put me through he has no one but me so I feel bad to want to leave. I'm scared he won't come around to see if son if I move out and quit doing all these things and my son needs his father in his life. I don't want to hurt him but I'm past the point of depression from this situation. I don't know where to start to move on......

Your son doesn't need a male figure like this man. You are a strong person. Leave this man. You and your son deserve better. Do not allow him to affect your self esteem.

First of all try to get a good job to support yourself and your son. That will take away a huge chunk of your unhappiness. The fact that you are dependent on him financially is eating a lot into you at many levels inside...so try to solve that first. How is he with his son? Does your son need a male figure who shows how to disrespect women, manipulate them and mentally abuse them? Is that what you want your son to learn? Think well and decide if your sacrifice is worth it.