Being a partner to a seperated father

I have now been together with my partner for 2.5 years. We met in Scandinavia, where I am from, before I decided to move one year later after, we had met we, only saw each other every other weekend. When we met my partner was married and was living with his wife and 2 children (age 4 and 6 today). He decided to leave his wife to be with me. The divorce is now 2.5 years later still under progress. I did not meet his children until 3 weeks before moving to England, so I did not have much time to get use to being around them and him at the same time. Something that has been proven to be much more difficult than I could ever have anticipated. We have now been struggling in this situation for a long time. I am reacting very badley to his situation (still being married and having chidren). I have been feeling extremely jealous and outside without any particular reason. My partner is behaving very well and he has not made me feel outside deliberately. There has been a lot of shouting and screaming which has been devistating for both of us. I finally decided to take control over my problems by going to councelling. I feel that things are finally going in the right directions. However, when we had our last argument 3 days ago, my partner said that he will not put up with this any more and that it is over between us. He does no longer believe that things will change even though I am going to councelling. He is convinces that things will stay the same forever and he does no longer want to fight for this relationship. I do not believe that at all, I feel that things can change and that we can finally be as happy as we both now we can. What we have is so special and I feel that it is mistake just letting go of it. I wonder if it is someone out there who might have been in my situation and that actually mananged to change. I want my partner to know that it actually is possible. I just don't want to walk out on what we have.

shouldnt of messed about with a married man you're a wrongen

You have to recognise, that for him it is all much more difficult than for you. I don't know what you said in those arguments, but he has children and should be very anxious himself to go through all this stress to be with you. If you can't leave your ego behind and appreciate his difficulties, maybe he is right to leave? The only thing you can do I guess is invite him for a date and behave like you will behave when you are married

i have not been in your situation but u have to understanf tht your partners children are his no.1 priority, you need to prove to him tht u are happy tht they are a part of your life and that you will be a good role model 4 them. its hard going in to a relationship with sum1 who alreddi has children but it is also workable. try taking him out with his kids 4 a day just to show that you do care becuase they will be apart of your life to. good luck

Hello Sara This is a tough one.. first thing first... the mans children will ofcourse be the most important factor for him..and nothing you do is likely to change that.. he wants to ensure his kids adopt to the situation aswell as u are tryin to adopt to it.. i have never been in your situation so i assume it is tough... but selfishnes and jealousy will not help... it is goood that you are tryin to sort your side of the issue out... but you must respect he is also tryin to balance alot at the same time... a divorce is not easy to go through with and it takes participation from both couple so maybe the ex wife is slowing the process down... talk to ur man let him know ur there to help and not as an extra baggage..make sure he knows u have his support..good luck x Mr A x