Is it selfishness? If so whom is selfish?

Hi, I need some advice on a problem. First off some background, we first went out in the final 6 months of high school before deciding to split as both were going to different colleges and both were stressed, before getting back together in January. I love her with all my heart and we mostly just cuddle on the sofa with a film, stroking each other in "the spots" (not genitalia) we've never had sex (or done sexual things in this relationship) but my girlfriend has done more sexual stuff with both genders in other relationships (while I've done zero in any relationship) maybe including full sex with a girl. I genuinely believes she loved me and still does in a way and she is the nicest, loveliest, most caring girl in the world. Even though I'm male and were both young (both 18) the fact we don't have sex doesn't bother me that much but the other day we were speaking generally and she told me that she wasn't attracted to males at all and instead was only sexually attracted to other girls. She also told me that I'm the only guy that she loved romantically (but was basically telling me she not interested in having sex). Now, earlier today we were sat down and talking and she asked if I didn't mind that we never had (or probably ever would have) sex. I told her I was fine as I respected her wishes more than my own male hormonal want for sex. Shortly after this she told me she thought I'd be better off leaving her as she's not attracted to men full stop and that its unfair on me. Though I feel its less fair on her as she shouldn't be dragged through emotional stress of being with someone she didn't find attractive or even the right gender for her. So I said it was okay. At that point we kind of broke up, before we both spoke to her Dad about the entire thing and letting him know the situation. He told her he still thought she was extremely confused and needed to think about everything. Her Dad really likes me and his trust is hard to get so he told her he thought she was making a mistake and within a month she'd be regretting it again, asking for me back. I left and come back later and they both asked me (more so her dad really) if I would be willing to take a compromise wherein I'd have a sort if 3-way relationship with my gf and her future gf (probably ending up in me fulfilling her emotional needs while her gf fulfilled her sexual needs). I told them I wouldn't really be comfortable with it for obvious reasons, I may as well just be friends with them in that case and it creates unnecessary drama. We thought about it and thought it'd be best to give it s trial period wherein she'd be allowed to get it out of her system and find out what she really wanted in life, before she said that she would rather stay with me based on her emotional needs and a sense of completeness. Prior to me her past boyfriend was a slimy creep who tried to pressure her into sex, so I don't know if she's unattractive to men because of it, if she is actually just turned lesbian because of hormones (she's always been bisexual however) or if its something I've done (In some cases I haven't been particularly assertive in what I want and have more or less let her take thing at her own pace, with me giving almost no pushes forward). I feel horrible about the whole situation. Not only is my girlfriend entirely unattractive to me because of something only a costly operation will fix, but she's still entirely dependant on my emotional support to her. It bothers me that not only can I not make her happy, but I've got to suppress myself to prevent her from being more miserable. In addition to this, I'm feeling sometimes as if the entire thing is somehow my fault, like I failed somewhere along the way and now this is my punishment for it. I also can't shake the feeling that I may (subconsciously) be sticking with the current situation out of some delusional hope that things will change and she will one day find me attractive again, but honestly, I'm not a psychologist. But what's the right thing to do? I love her and I feel like she needs me but I feel its not right for either of us to keep going with this relationship in which both of us are doing nothing but compromising. And is this selfishness? Am I being selfish by sticking with her even in spite of everything? Should I tell her its better if we remain friends and tell her to move onto what would make her happiest? Tell her to take a trial period to explore and get it out of her system? Or stick it out and hope it goes away? Any legitimate advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Thanks for the advice, my main problem is finding out what I want from all this. It just hurts at the moment. By the way just wanted to clarify something though, the costly operation comment was more a self deprecating jab at myself saying that "being short of me taking a gender reassignment operation, there's no way I can make her find me attractive" (and even then, it probably wont help).

You have answered your own question but only thing you are not ready to accept the answer. If she has a lesbian orientation, it is not going to change. Being with you will not make her happy either. Eventually she will find being with another woman romantically more attractive. So by you staying on you will be hurting yourself and indirectly preventing her from finding her happiness. There are only 2 options here: 1. "I tell her its better if we remain friends and tell her to move onto what would make her happiest." 2. " Tell her to take a trial period to explore" - this one should be used only as a time frame for you both to move on eventually. The third option you mention will not materialize. It will never go away.