Married but infatuated

I'm a 27 years old female who's happily married. I been married to my husband for 1 year but we were together for 11 years before we got married. We're high school sweethearts. Anyway, during the course of our relationship I've always been the cheater. When I was 17-19 I kissed 3 different guys. Slut, I know... It never went anywhere further than that. I was young, dumb and didn't know what I had. I was also very selfish, still have low self esteem and am all about instagratification. But I am older now and can hold myself accountable for my mistakes. Here's my current situation, I am infatuated with this 21 year old at work. I barely know anything about him, other than the fact he's cute, drives a nice car and is nerdy. We talk at work sometimes but mostly when we are walking around the building together. I have a desk job so I like to stretch my legs... I know well enough that it's infatuation and that it's short lived but what else should I do? I really want to kiss him but that's not fair to him or my husband. My husband knows me like the back of his hand and encourages me to talk to him all the time. And while we have spoken about my infatuation, I feel deep down that it is inappropriate to talk to your husband about something like this. He insists but I truly feel against it. So I am turning to you. Please tell it to me straight.

I guess it really depends on your own morals. If your husband is actually encouraging you knowing that you are probably gonna do somethin it seems to me that he wants you to slip?

I think that your husband is a keeper, since he seems to be very understanding/accepting of the truth despite how ugly it may be, but that eventually, just to be fair to him, you may need to make a hard decision. If you feel like your infatuation is serious [I don't endorse cheating but] then maybe you should pursue it...hopefully it is not just because he is cute, but if you find he is a better match for you than your husband; also this being said, I think you should either try to stop doing these things to him, even though it's beyond your control, and take action of what is in your control, which is his happiness. He seems to care a lot about yours, so if you do end up cheating on him, maybe you should let him go so he can be happy simply because it's not fair if he has part of you.

I appreciate all of your responses. Yes, I've been with my husband since I was 15 y/o. He's really the only man I've ever known intimately through and through. I really don't think he's patronizing me. He tells me about his "infatuations" but they're not the same as mine. It's a matter of perspective . He's also not as selfish and doesn't give in to instagratification. It's most likely his up brining and overall character. If everything I've read about infatuation is true, I know this will be short lived and I shall not act on it. I want a future with my husband; house, children, dog all of it. We want the same thing. I don't think this is in the mind of a 21 y/o. I know that if I give in to my pleasures and fantasies, I will lose my reality.

I think you know whats right n whats wrong and maybe your looking for encouragement to act on what u want to do. Or maybe your husband has someone and dont care? What do u think

No, I'm not looking for any words of encouragement. But more of a "been there, done that - don't do it and why". All I've been getting is really just judgmental responses and nothing concrete. Yes, I am well aware of what's right and what's wrong. I already know that if I give into my fantasies, I will lose my precious reality which is life with my beloved husband. He does not have anyone on the side. I really do not need to explain all of that to you. Thanks for nothing. If you're incapable of helping/giving advice, frack off.

Hi It is perfectly normal to have feelings for another person. You have been with one all your young adult life. You are curious, what is it like to be with someone else. Is there someone else out there. I think you judge yourself for two kisses you were a kid and having a serious relationship at that age took alot of maturity. All your 20's you were in a relationship. I know what that is like I was in relationship from 16 to 29 you know nothing else. I never had an infatuation until the last 6months , I was shocked by it and denied it for a long time. I never spoke of it to him. But this person was utterly fascinating to me,he was new and different.(He never knew my feelings either). I felt that I had missed out on getting to know myself. I was always in a couple,people always referred to me and someone else, I was never just me, if that makes sense. The stronger my feelings for the new person the more my current partner disappeared in my world. It allowed to me dream again, to feel alive again. It also gave me courage to leave, not for this new person but for me. Both of us got lost somewhere along the way in the relationship.In denial for years,being awakened by someone else, or the idea of someone else was because I was no longer in tune with my fella.I had changed. No regrets. Alot happier. I think talking to your husband will stop you acting on this. but it could potentially cause upset. Are you happy in your marriage? You say you are married a year. Has getting married changed things? Is there any unbiased girlfriends in your circle that you can talk too about this. every relationship is unique and different but infidelity damages it, on some level do you want to shake it up a little. If so you have to find out why?

Hello Mountain... Thank you so much for your post! This is more along the lines of what I was looking for here. I have spoken to my husband about my infatuation and he talks me through it; shares his own perspective. For him, he would say "yea I would picture so and so naked but I don't seek her out or this or that..." I'm sure typing this you'd like "ha, yeah right" but I've known my husband since I was 15. For me, I'm more of a daydreamer, and fantasize but I dare not share that part of it. I think it would kill him, but I could be wrong. Yes, we are happily married. Intimacy is always good and communication is as well. I have only one girlfriend in my immediate circle but I can't say she's unbiased. She's also slightly judgmental so I'd rather not go there. I took a step in the right direction by telling the person I like that I needed to avoid him for a bit until I can get my act together. But somehow I think I made a mistake? I think I'm just thinking selfishly at this point. The guy I like is 21 years old. I am, again, 27. There's no way we see the same things right now. What I'm doing is foolish.