My husbands a sex addict, I'm emotionally numb

Hello, So for the last 4 years or so my husband has been talking to other people online and emailing to hook up and watching porn. I'm unsure if he has ever really acted on it or if its only gone as far as emailing and sending nude pics of himself to other people. I've found it at least every 3-6 months on our computer. My trust level is at 0% and i feel like im sitting in Survival mode for the last 2 months. I feel like right now i may have the will power to actually leave. But then im unsure of if i want to or if i can live with it. I've lived with it this long. I know this next part is going to sound selfish but i dont want to be alone the rest of my life. I know he loves me but im just not sure how im feeling towards him. I feel nothing or what i am feeling is blocked cause my body just doesnt want me to feel it. ( i suffer from anxiety attacks and depression now ) Im unsure of if i should or not though. I feel like i bring it up we fight about it and then he thinks i should be over it. I know im a women and i know he probably doesnt want to talk about it since he didnt want me to find it in the first place. But i feel like i need to talk about it and its probably whats making me feel so crappy instead of forgiving. He still shows affection towards me but im not feeling that spark or anything anymore. I'm trying to be open to it but i got nothing. I also dont want to make the biggest mistake of my life and leave when we could have fixed it and have been happy the rest of our lives. I mean i did marry him for a reason i did love him alot and couldnt live without him before. I know marriage is not always like that i just dont know what to do. I feel like im a friend with benifits. My husband is also 37 and im 25 hes 11 years older then i am. we got married when i was 21. I also feel like right now im actually finding myself and who i am. I've started a new job about 4 months ago and have some awesome new friends. At first he was really mad because were on different shifts and when i get off work hes sleeping so i go out with my friends and hes not liking that. He also hates that i make friends so easily we moved here two years ago and ive made a bunch new friends up here but he hasnt made one that wasnt friends with me first.

Hi I think you may have outgrown this relationship. You change alot during your twenties. You say in your post 'I feel like I am actually finding myself and who I am'. You married too young. He has had far more life experience than you. It sounds like you are growing as a person now, becoming independent and making friends. All very positive and vital to happiness. You are doing exactly what you should be doing at you age, living your life, making connections with people around your age? Your opening paragraph speaks alot, it tells me you need to be free. You have no trust in him.....and you fear leaving. What keeps you there.You are 25 years old you will not be alone for the rest of your life. Staying in a relationship where you are not been heard,have no trust, well there is nothing more lonely than that. At the end of your first paragraph you refer to your love for him in the past tense. 'I did love him and couldn't live without him before'. You suffer anxiety and depression have you seeked treatment for this,how are you taking care of you?. Please mind that its not to be ignored. If there is no spark, I would move on,the biggest mistake of your life would be to stay somewhere that makes you pretend.