Trying to move on from a controlling relationship

well I am trying to think of a way to make this short.. I have been in a 22 year relationship that has been very controlling and stressful mixed with some good times but never the less under control.so many things happened that I become lonely over the years especially when my daughter left home and my son ended up in prison due to a breakdown, I had no support and was left to get on alone by my partner. I started going online to try to chat to people who had similar problems, but ended up in the wrong sort of chat rooms. I spend nites chatting to men just for the attention I met only one man. then I started my fight for freedom of a social life of my own, defiantly with my partners disapproval. well I kept at it and met this lovely man at a fancy dress ball, we clicked straight away. any way I went on to date him a lot but as my partner is my stalker he found out and went crazy but I couldn't stop. he stalked me for years really and had got worse now as before he didn't care cause he knew where I was. I had great times with my lover the only problem being that I am 43 and he is 28 a mature one at that, he got bullied on and off by my partner, who now was telling me he loves me I am his world and he will forgive me for all I done. he bought me a new car and puts flowers in my room, as I haven't shared one with him in 4 years, persuading me to come out on days out with him and holidays , he bought me a bike and loads of clothes, but it really don't make me happy. but now he is nearly 50 he has booked a holiday abroad to celebrate and asked me to at least do this last one thing and come with him. I keep finishing it with my lover as I think ill go then I feel sad and go back the regret it again I am all over the place and don't know what to , my lover is so lovely easy going and kind and would also like to take me away but I worry here is too young for me. and I worry about throwing my 22 year relationship away and having nothing even though it is obsessive and has been horrid in the past. I really need help. this is a tiny piece of what has gone on and I am not great at explaining myself, but all I know is I was always a honest good person and now I just feel bad, oh and in-between this time I also lost my dad to a heart attack, he was a great man and my best friend. so I have a massive huge head of emotions. id love to move out and go it alone but I cant afford to. my lover says I can live with him but I don't think its a good idea........... never ever thought id be torn between two men. can any one help me . and give me some advice??????????????????

Hello there. I'm terribly sorry to hear of your fathers passing so first I'd like to offer my condolences. I too lost my father when I was 19 so I sympathize with you. My mom remarried right away. I am now 43 and lost my stepfather this past February. It really is devastating. I say all if this to say that with the emotional stress you are under you might not be making sound decisions. If in the past 22 years your partner was controlling and you slept in separate bedrooms I just don't think that is enough to hold onto. Sure he's on his best behavior now as he wants you back, most likely to control and continue to sleep in separate bedrooms. If you have a genuine connection with your lover I beg you not to let the age difference come between you and your happiness. Also, I must say that not having the ability to live independently should be your main focus. I learned at a very young age that you should never allow someone to hold you hostage because you cannot afford to do for yourself. If I were you I'd be more concerned with finding one or two jobs just to get you out on your own, to become independent. The love life should be secondary to your internal peace. Best of luck to you...

I have a copy of the bible at home and in it I gather Jesus recommends forgiveness of self and others and helping the needy. Jesus also said who ever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved and He said also that He is the way the truth and the light, and that they who come to Him shall not hunger, and that they who believe in Him shall not thirst, and they shall have eternal life and be raised up on the last day / in case this helps. He also said that even the smallest amount of faith can move mountains. I guess it is not called the Good Book for nothing :) :) God bless and all the best with everything.