Not interested in me anymore

I have been in a same sex relationship for 4 years. I still love my girlfriend and still find her attractive. Trouble is she isn't interested in sex with me anymore. I asked her about it and she says she still finds me attractive, but to be honest I don't believe her now. When I flirt with her, she usually blanks me, and on the rare occasion sex does happen, it is not good, and I just wind up feeling stupid and awkward. It is also very one-sided. She doesn't even like me to touch her usually. I would be content with just kissing and cuddling, but that seems to be happening less and less these days. We talk about it sometimes, but only if I broach the subject. She says that we have been together a while now, and it's just what happens in all relationships. She also says that she doesn't feel like she has to try and impress me anymore. That really hurt my feelings. It makes me think she never liked sex with me in the first place, even though she used to go on about how great I was. Then she usually says she knows she doesn't pay me much attention and that she won't take me for granted anymore, and that she thinks I'm gorgeous, but then things just revert back the next day. I've stopped trying to talk to her about it because when I do I just end up feeling bad, like I'm pressuring her into doing something she doesn't like. I still love my girlfriend, we worked hard for a life together, I don't want to end it over something like this. I'm sure she still loves me too, she tells me she doesn't want anyone else. She even bought me an engagement ring. I know sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but surely it should be there somewhere! We are both still in our twenties! I thought about moving to my mum's for a week or two, make her think about what she takes for granted, but then again, that is just another form of pressure, which will just hurt her feelings and make her worry. I don't want to guilt her into something she doesn't want.

Hey that must be real tough on you but dont beat your head about it.. i can totally relate to what your saying but some times its a little more than the general assumptions you may have... the best advice i can give you is to approach her in a warm but stern manner.. you will never be able to solve the problem by running away from it.. and when you dont know what the problem is then you dont know what to fix.. basically try and talk to her again about it..ask her generally in a non insisting way what may be wrong.. raise your concerns so she is aware of how you feeel... all goood things come to an end..and i know it is easy for people to say that but they are not feeling what your feeeling... so do what your comfortable in doing.. but you should definetly approach and raise the issue so you know the problem that needs fixing if there is one..good luck x

Hi, Thanks for the response, made me feel better that someone else knows how I feel. I did talk to her again, and we are getting on better, but still no sign of a breakthrough. At least she has stopped blanking me, and has been willing to talk to me about things, even though she hasn't given any indication that I have done anything wrong, or that she has any issues of her own. I know she loves me, that I'm lucky to have her and I will do my best to be content with that for now. I just didn't expect my sex life to end in my twenties. I feel shallow for letting it affect me so much, but I feel like it is spilling out into other aspects of our lives. She doesn't like going out any more, she doesn't have any hobbies, any friends, and it is getting increasingly difficult to find things to do together like we used to. I'm trying so hard to make things work. All I can do is keep trying. I hope I can make her realise that there is more to life than work, TV and sleep. We used to have fun. I guess the novelty wore off for her. It never has for me.

Jade: reading your entry was like looking into my life. My gf/fiance and I have been together like 5 years. We had a great sex life (I thought) when we first got together. Now that we have been living together for 3 years it has been two years since sex. She also doesn't hug or kiss me. She hardly spends anytime with me at all. I do alot for her, and get very, very little in return. She even said if I wanted sex so bad to go out and get it. If I actually had a spine I would try to do something about it, but I don't. Please take my advice don't get stuck in a relationship that will suck you dry. Please learn from my mistake. I have talked to/at her until I lost my voice! Get out while you can!

Hi Jade. I know exactly how you feel, my gf and i went through similar problems not that long ago but now thankfully everything is back on track. Lesbian bed death gets most of us at some time but if you truley love her then stick it out, i did and we've never been happier. You need to talk and keep on talking, communication is the key to harmony in all aspects of your relationnship, not just sex. I would also advise that you make more of an effort to "make love", any two people can have sex and you dont need emotions to do that, put the sparkle back! Hope you get things sorted like we did xx

Jade I have read and understood. You don't say wheather she works or you work, kids or no kids? I'll say it plain and simple, It's real easy for us to take advantage of people after so long, and it seems to me you reached a stalemate! :) True love conquors all(Didii spell that right) ? Anyway, stop puttin so much pressure on the sex side of the relationship, and show her how much you love her, like a surprise romantic meal, or a present, or lovely litle notes planted all round the house for her to follow one day while your out. Women need to feel loved in and outside of the bedroom! Do something romantic " AND MEAN IT" The rest will follow!

Hi Jade. I hate to say this and i realise it may not be what you want to hear at this point but it sounds like you deserve better and are being taken for granted. Somebody who cares for you puts your needs before their own as you are doing. You say you are lucky to have her. Why? Shouldn't she be lucky to have you too? You have lost all self respect due to her actions, which empower her through feeling so desired by you but denying you the love you deserve. It sounds like you are all she has and she may resent you for that. I bet you are loved by many, it sounds like you have a heart. They say people treat others how they would like to be treated; think about that. She doesn't respect you, you deserve better. Think about this; if she were to leave you you would go into a state of shock, not believing she could abandon you if she really cared for you. Then you would be angry that she used you for company as she had no-one else, you may then possibly question your own self worth- whats wrong with me? Later you may be angry at yourself for not respecting yourself enough to end things when your love was not reciprocated; "why did i put up with that shit?", you may ponder. Then you would be hurt, that would fade but would always be there in one form or another. The answer? Take control! Tell her you want a break as you deserve better. If she doesnt contact you forget her. If she does she'll need to put in 110% to have any chance with you. Dont take any crap, she'll respect you for it. Dont be scared to lose her, it sounds like the opposite is true. Good luck!