Have I made the correct decision?

My name is Alana and I am 21 years old. I am currently in a new relationship at the moment but I don’t know if I have made a mistake? You see up until April this year I was with a guy; to whom I was engaged to and was about to marry next year and we were together for 3/4 years. I was in love with him, but he didn’t treat me the greatest. He did cheat on me one time i do know about but I have heard he did it more than that. He didn’t really pay much attention to me; like giving me complements and stuff like that, small stuff that women crave from men, but I loved him neither the less. Up until March this year I thought I was happy, until another guy from work began to give me some attention and I liked it a lot. He told me I was beautiful and gorgeous and just made me feel amazing. I did spend a little time as he had to take me to the hospital a few times and it was nice to be in someones company, that actually looked like they cared about me. So months went on and I liked this other guy much more, so in the end I decided to move out of the house me and my fiancé shared, he was the one to finish with me which I was upset (i don’t know why if i was the one who wanted to move out), I waited a month or so before I began seeing this other guy as i felt it was the right thing to do. I am now in a relationship with him and he has just introduced me to his son. But in the past few weeks I have been so upset as we have been arguing like crazy and he talks to me like a child and I don’t like it. I also found out that my ex has also go someone knew in his life which destroyed me, I have no idea why as I thought I was happy with my new man, but now i feel I have rushed this whole situation and I feel unhappy again. Me and my ex never ever argued like how me and my current partner do. I can’t help but feel I have made a huge mistake? but everyone hates me for what I have done and I don’t think I can go back to my ex as all his family hate me and I feel that i will destroy another mans life. I am in such a rut that I don’t know what to do.

Some people can drastically change when they're in a relationship with you, spending more time with you can cause certain tiny irritating traits or behaviors, to escalate into the arguments you experienced. Along with other things such as attitudes towards how to act in a relationship. If your first partner never treated you that great then why were you in a relationship with him? Were you happy? If he didn't pay much attention to you that seems like a pretty lackluster relationship. There should always be some attention onto you on a frequent basis, because you're an important person in his life, or well you should be. Did you two ever spend a lot of time together? Or did you both just kinda do your own thing? If so, then again I'd argue it wasn't really a relationship. It does seem you did sorta rush things. Depends how long you knew this other guy. It seems to have been one of those situations where you looked at the imperfections in your relationship, the things you didn't have that you wanted, and then this other guy gave them to you. This made you feel happy because you wanted those things, however you were cut off from experiencing what it would be like to be in a relationship with him, in other words the other negative effects were not visible. The good aspects of your current relationship was overlooked and when switching over you lose those good aspects in replace for those others. However, the good parts in your previous relationship were what made you mildly content, therefore they were so important taking them away did this to you and made you unhappy. Your stuck in a comparing battle between relationships. You didn't like the effectively trade of aspects. Like you and your partner were very agreeable hence no arguments, this guy not so much. I guess this is the care aspect in play, if he cares more, he's doing to argue more because he cares what you think and do. Did you make a mistake? Hard to say. If your ex never showed any care for you, such as trying to make you happy, spending time with you, cheering you up when you're upset and generally caring about your feelings, then I'd say you haven't made a mistake. Since he should do all those things to some extent. I suppose what it does ultimately come down to though is where you happy? If overall in that relationship you were happy, it was just the tiny things he didn't do that made you feel you wanted out for this other guy, then yes it may have been a mistake. I do think regardless you maybe should have perhaps communicated these tiny things that were rattling at you. Talk to him and discuss how to fix them, instead of giving up on a 3/4 year relationship. With this other guy, if you still want to try and salvage it, you can try communicating, telling him the problems, suggesting ways to fix them etc. Come to some agreeable outcome or course of action in which your both happy. I think everyone hating you for what you have done is a tad unreasonable. <ol> <li> It's none of their business </li> <li> It's not like you broke up with him, therefore it was clear you had no intentions of simply jumping out of the relationship to purely get with this dude </li> <li> The month you took to get into a relationship with this person also shows that you didn't hastily jump into it </li> </ol> In conclusion I think the determining point as to whether this was a mistake or not is down to two facts: Where you happy? If not could/did you try to fix it? If no to the second question, if you got to that one, then yes it may have been a mistake. Don't fret over it though, we all make them. What do you do now? Well, you try to fix your current relationship, if you want to. If not get out of it. Perhaps try and re-contact your ex and start talking again. Even if he's with another girl that doesn't stop you from being his friend, or at least trying depending on his attitudes towards you currently. If you get to be friends again or already are still friends that opens the chance he will come back, it raises that opportunity. Obviously not be pushy on that or expect him to come back either. In the mean time you'd want to work on yourself, perhaps making or taking in part in some hobbies, friends or family. Focus on making yourself happy to fill the time so this won't get you down as much, so your mind cannot wander and begin to regret these decisions. That ultimately does not benefit you in any: way, shape or form. As for his family hating you, there is really nothing you can do about that. They shouldn't care to that extent to hate you. However you can't change that. So just let them do that. They shouldn't have anything effect on you or your chances of getting with your ex if he ever wanted to get back with you. In summation: If you're not happy and don't wanna salvage that relationship, get out. Re-contact and be friends with your ex for the chance to get back together, but don't expect anything, during this time concentrate on yourself and in-dependency, making yourself happy. Don't worry over his family. I hope that helped, good luck with your relationship and have a wonderful day :)

Alana, I am 22 and recently ended a 5 year relationship when I found someone else. I am in love with my new guy, but he seems too busy (or maybe the relationship is just too new and he isn't as committed as I am used to being) and I am very lonely. I understand why you feel as though you have made a mistake, because I get the same feeling frequently. The best advice I have for you is to remember why it didn't work out with the other guy, and to remember that there are plenty more people out there for you if this one doesn't work out. Chin up, you are young and deserve someone who makes you happy.