My boyfriend doesn't want me hanging out with my best guy friend!

I'm stuck in a pretty difficult situation. It's quite a long read, but if you are willing to share your advice with me I am very appreciative of you taking the time and sharing your insight! I have a best guy friend for 8 years now, and we basically grew up together. I really only had 2 friends the majority of my life before I met my boyfriend. I met my boyfriend last year and we've been together for what's about to be a year now. I've been a great partner to him and have treated him well to this day. He's been amazing to me right back. I am so appreciative and pretty lucky to have him by my side. The problem is, he has a huge issue with me hanging out with my best guy friend alone. I'd like to add that my best guy friend is like family to me.. The brother I never had. For the 8 years we've been friends I can't say that I've been interested in him in a romantic way. I can't say for certain that he has never had any feelings for me but what I know for a fact is that I haven't made moves on him, and he hasn't made moves on me. We also hardly see each other because we live in different cities. Me and my best guy friend and my other best friend (who is a girl) have been best friends together, just us 3 for so many years. We all kept this strong friendship through elementary school, high school and now university. My boyfriend has even met my two best friends and we have all hung out together multiple times. My best guy friend has been respectful to our relationship this whole time and has even kept his distance. My boyfriend even asked my best guy friend about me too, and he assured him that he has nothing to worry about. The thing is, when me and my best guy friend hang out, it's purely platonic. We go out in public where everyone can see.. Grab a bite or go to the mall. There really isn't much to it. I barely even text him either.. Probably once a week or once every two maybe even 3 weeks sometimes. Me and him hardly hang out alone, and we probably hung out alone together about 5 times this whole year. Most of the time when we hang out, our mutual friends are there with us. I moved to a different city and we all got busy, but even still we maintain the friendship regardless of our busy lives. Despite all of this, it's such a huge problem for my boyfriend that I hang out with him alone (hardly). He says he sees him as a threat, and he believes that guys and girls can never be just friends because one of them ultimately ends up falling for the other. I reassured him too and told him that even if he did make a move or he confessed his feelings towards me, I would handle the situation accordingly. I told my boyfriend that I'm only focused on him and I won't put myself in a situation where another man can destroy what we have. I immediately cut ties with a man from that past that tried to resurface with me, and another man that I became friends with who got a little too close for comfort. My boyfriend didn't even need to express discomfort and I acted accordingly right away. It just seems like my boyfriend doesn't trust my judgement when it comes to my guy best friend, no matter how much I try to reassure him. It just comes off to me as insecure. The thing is, there are other girls in my boyfriend's past too. His ex, some girls that he liked/liked him back, girls he's made out with on multiple occasions before he met me. I merely would inquire about them or tell him I was uncomfortable with him hanging out with them alone. He acts accordingly too and he keeps his distance from them. The only time id be uncomfortable with him hanging out with another girl alone is that she's either someone he shared romantic history with in the past, or a girl he became friends with after me that is a little too close for comfort and I can tell she's trying to home wreck. Other than that, he can hang out with other girls alone. If he had a best girl friend he can hang out with her alone. I just have to be introduced to her and get to know her. I'm pretty secure in myself and I trust him and his judgement that he'll do what is necessary for our relationship, but he doesn't trust that I'll do that for him. He keeps telling me that he's cut off those girls and I'm not willing to do the same for him because I won't distance myself from my best guy friend. What I'm trying to say is... At least in my opinion.. He just cannot compare those girls he's shared romantic history with in the past to my best guy friend, because there's a completely different back story between the two. Sadly, my best guy friend now knows about my boyfriends issue with him and I hanging out, and he even told my best girl friend that "it makes me (him) not want to hang out with her (me) anymore". It's ruining my friendship for no good reason. Like honestly, I can count on my fingers how many times I've hung out with him alone since me and my boyfriend became official and from that in itself, he sees him as such a BIG threat! Despite all of this, he won't hear me out. I've told him and reassured him MULTIPLE times. I keep repeating myself over and over and he's just too stubborn and so convinced that he's right and I'm the one being a bad partner to him. There's no breaking him no matter what I say. He tried to compromise with me and told me that if I were to hang out alone with him, that I should cancel the plan or invite others to tag along. I simply cannot do that. It just seems unreasonable for me to. It's not about being stubborn. It's not about me not willing to make sure were "both good" in the relationship just like he is for me. I am my own individual, no one has possession over me. I'm not an object that you purchase at the store and have full rights over. I'm a human being and I have freedom to do what I want to do. I have my own hobbies, interests, and friends even before I met my boyfriend. I shouldn't have to change my life unnecessarily because I'm now in a relationship. Especially when my best guy friend isn't harming us! I simply will not submit to his request. I will not let a man try to take authority over me and try to control/dictate my life and the things I do and the people I spend my time with. Especially when I'm not doing anything wrong and neither are they. I'm trying my best to fix this and understand him but he's being too closed minded and stubborn. He didn't even want me to reach out to strangers for advice like I am now (I did it anyway). He said that we don't know you guys, and you don't know us, and that I can't trust a "blog" or whatever where people have "nothing better to do" to give me advice. He says that it'll just brainwash me. To be honest, I feel like this is one of the best ways (reaching out to you guys) and I trust in it because it has worked for me in the past. Ultimately, this whole situation just seems like a red flag for me. I've concluded that it's either of 3 things, or a combination of the 3. 1) he's insecure and has low self esteem. 2) he's controlling and emotionally manipulating me. 3) he has trust issues and/or doesn't trust me. Now if I bring these 3 things to his attention, I know he's going to get angry. I tried to fill in all the gaps and explain my situation to you guys with as much information I can provide to you. By reading this, what are you opinions? I'm very open to unbiased advice and opinions from all perspectives. If I am wrong about this, if I am the one who is at fault.. I will take full acknowledge of that! Again, thanks so much for your time and advice! It is much appreciated.

Well it seems you both are being stubborn and hard headed. You kida went off on that third to the last paragraph where you stated that he tried to compromise with you but you just didn't want to compromise back. Your right you are free to do what you want, he just may not stay with you if you do. Relationship are not about "being free to do what you want" they are about caring for the other person and working with them to find middle ground so that both parties can be happy with each other. So if you want to stay in the relationship and stay with this person in particular then I suggest you compromise and stop worrying about trying to make a point. "you don't own me, I'm not a possession, I can do whatever I want, I'm a human being". Sounds kinda childish and yes stubborn. Your not going to change his mind about this BTW, this is who/how he is. He tried to compromise with you but you wouldn't have it and that's ok its just not ok with this relationship. Your way of thinking is not wrong and his way of thinking is not wrong (there are a lot of girls who would be ok with how he thinks, me being one of them) your two ways of thinking are just not compatible with each other. and if neither one will compromise then you should rethink having a relationship with him. The reality is that certain people feel like you bf does and certain people feel like you do and they rarely mix well together. And no matter how many people on this site may say "oh you go girl, you hang out with whoever you want. Don't let him tell you what to do. He don't own you. Get away from that clinically controlling man" isn't going to help your relationship because they/we are not him and no matter if your are right or he is right that isn't going to make you or he feel any better. You have to be open minded and work with him to find a place maybe that neither you nor he gets their way 100% with but at least that you can be ok with.

Thank you for being real with me - I truly appreciate it! I love raw honesty. I now realize and accept that our boundaries don't align. My male friend and I hardly hang out alone anyways. I'm sure I can make this sacrifice for my boyfriend. I know my boyfriend is not ill-intentioned. He just loves me and wants the security of our relationship. He wants to be assured that I value us as much as he does. I now understand that I may have come off like I do not value our relationship enough because of this. I now understand that I am being a little too selfish and I was too busy being adamant about me living my own life, that I did not empathize nor bother to cooperate with him. I will tell him that today when I see him. If I can make this sacrifice for him (give up the 5 times I hang out with him alone), then I can do that for us. We can still all hang out as group, we have mutual friends anyways. I feel bad about being so stubborn, but I will acknowledge my faults completely and fix this with him! I know that this is just a rough patch in our relationship. It's normal for a relationship to have problems as long as both make an effort to make things right. I love him enough and I am mature enough to do my part in making this relationship last. Thanks so much again for opening my eyes on this matter and giving me your constructive criticism.

I disagree. Why would you stop hanging around your friend (whom you also class as family) just because your boyfriend is not happy with it. From the way you came across, I dont think you came across as selfish in any way. In fact you came across as very level headed. I can understand two people need to compromise and make sacrifices in a relationship. I can understand if you said this friend of yours has always liked you and your bf is uncomfortable with it, instead, you have emphasized that the relationship has always been platonic. So what is the issue? Fine, if you agree to not seeing him alone what will be next? You cant say hello to the guy next door?! Sorry but there is a fine distinction between understanding in a relationship and control and i personally feel your bf is bordering on the control side. As i mentioned above. You have come across as a person who does value the relationship and your bf. No one can question that but if i were you, i would try and make him see it from your point of view. My only concern is, if you agree to not see your frnd alone, what will be next? You also say he compromised with you? He allowed you to see him with friends and not alone? How is that a compromise? Firstly, as you say, at times that is not practical and sometimes yes you do need alone time with your best friend and secondly if you both did go out in a group, surely there will be a time when it is just the both of you alone so what happens then? Will your bf be happy with that? No, i dont think so so how is that compromise? That is just control. But, that is just my personal opinion and either way, i wish you luck in whatever you do.