Affair and pregnancy...

Hello, I have been married for 20 years and have 2 lovely girls. When we married, my wife and I were close but I don't think I ever loved her. My mother, who does love her, tells me she cried when she asked me, before we got married, why we were getting married and I answered, "She's the first girlfriend I can imagine her as the mother of my children". About a year after our 2nd - who is now 6 - the stuttering, restarting sex life stopped. My wife said it was because she didn't feel turned on; what I heard was 'because there's no chemistry". A couple of years or so after that, I began an affair with a married colleague who had become a good friend. She has a conservative, Asian family, who insisted on and, all but, arranged the marriage. She has always said she doesn't love him, but does respect him and believes he is a good husband. She does say she loves me; as I feel I do her. My wife and I have had no intimacy beyond a quick kiss goodnight, goodbye etc, for several years and I would find it hard to have a sexual relationship with 2 people at the same time. Without judging, my girlfriend does not have the same difficulty and she is now pregnant. I am aware of the statistics, the lies, the excuses people make and I know so far this matches all the stories. However, despite what all will be expecting me to say: the baby is NOT mine, but her husband's. My feelings were a small amount of relief but a large amount of sadness as I would love, in a different reality, to have a child with her. I do love my mistress and miss her when she's not around. When my wife is away, visiting friends, family etc, I miss chatting, but I don't ache for her. I adore my children and spend time with them as a father. I realise I have already done something that could hurt them, but I'm so torn.... I love my girlfriend deeply and everything she has done has been wonderful, she is caring, thoughtful, sensitive and kind. For the last week, I expected it to end and was heartbroken about the thought; I would have happily accepted our relationship moving back towards the affectionate, friendship it was - even though this would still be deceiving my wife who doesn't know how close we were - but would struggle, and even feel a little used, if it all just completely ended. I've swung between feeling confident and loved by her; she is away at her parents but texts me regularly, and wanting to say that she needs to find a way to love her husband as he will be the father of her child and I know how much love that puts inside you and, when less confident, waiting for text or misreading a "i'm tired. Goodnight", as "goodbye" and not wanting to lose her love from my life. I realise this makes me the most selfish @ss around, but how do I cope with this? I love my children, but will be in a marriage with my best friend, willing the clock to tick quicker to get through... my life. Please don't tell me I'm a selfish @ss, I am aware of that, I just want to know how to get through this emptiness...

I know how hard it is in a relationship when you have children and do care for the other person but when there is no passion or sexual relationship there, it is so easy to have sex and with sex, a connection to another person who does show interest in you. And I don't feel sorry for the wife who tells her husband she is not turned on by him nor do I feel sorry for the mistress who is cheating on her husband. I'm sorry to say though you are cheating yourself out of a connection and relationship with a person who could be there for you 100%. You have the wife, who cant be there for you in a sexual, passionate connection, then you have the mistress who can not be there for you in a committed, faithful connection. I know this would be so hard to do since you have children and all but I strongly advise you to leave both women and have yourself open to meeting a person who could be there for you in all the ways a woman or partner should be there for you. You feel emptiness because you are cutting yourself short on the things you need and deserve out of a relationship. Don't spend your entire live on these 2 women who can only give you 50% and in return accept 50% from you. Oddly enough 2 women giving only 50% still will not equal the whole you are searching for. Find one woman who can give 100% and will accept nothing less from you. The emptiness will be gone.