Trying to get ex to work it out

My ex-fiance and I were together 4.5 years, she moved into my house after about a year. we have a 3 year old daughter together and i have 2 other children to a previous marriage (shared custody-week on week off)... I am 30 and ex is 35. .... I was the only one working so she could be a stay at home mom, and she doesnt drive. trying to support a family on one income is rough,(doesnt make alot of date nights for sure) my brother did get her a job a restaurant a few blocks from home... there was an argument and she went to her sisters and just didnt go to work, didnt try to explain herself to employer to keep job or anything.. that was a bummer... however we kept chugging along, things seemed to be ok, we were still making ends meet, and the kids never had to go without. KIDS... for sure we were a kick **** family and parents. We both agree on that. however communicating with her was rough for the last 6 months or so... she was a screamer and pusher... i was not a fan at all of that, the kids would be there crying covering their ears, i would point at them and say " stop cant you see them crying!" so i would walk away or even sometimes leave the house (she claimed that was my MO and i would run away when things got hard). i was merely walking away because that is counter productive. now i am also guilty of yelling before.. as soon as she would start yelling and pointing fingers i would fall into it too.. thats why i just started walking away... sometimes when we cooled down we could talk about things. But the last 6 months were kind of bad... Work was very stressful and the company was looking like it was going to get bought out any my job was not as "safe", i can honestly say i wasnt the most sensitive during this period, and my head was in the clouds some ( she had me get on meds, and then i decided to not take them anymore...Not a good idea) then the last 3 months she wasnt intimate anymore, just kind of stayed up all night online, friended a guy on facebook and started talking about him quite a bit (I wasnt super happy about that, we were having problems) I confronted her, she said nothing to be concerned about.... ok fine. The breakup! So it feels like eggshells at home. It wasnt awful, she would still make sure dinner was done, and even make me a drink after work. However there wasnt alot of affection, and we were both stressed, i can only imagine not being a driver and being at home with kids all winter, and not alot of money for things, but the arguing continued, alot of pointing fingers, and screaming... she was yelling at me and pushed me down, right infront of and toward our daughter (other 2 were not there)... my daughter screamed and cried... i said thats enough, you need to go stay at your sisters until we can figure this out... ( she agreed the kids were being affected by the fights)She asked her sister and her sister said she couldnt(thats a differetn story...she had kicked her out of her house in the past). So she looked into housing in town... She was able to get in to an apartment fairly quick... about a month or so... meanwhile we are still doing the normal routine at home, sleeping in different rooms ofcourse. So after she moves out.. After... So about 1 week later i went to her apartment and apologized for having her move away from our home. and i asked her to go to counseling to maybe mend things.... She was slightly resistant at first, and then would text and email me... "good morning love, i miss you guys" and i would stop by here and there to drop things off for our daughter or her, since she couldnt drive and didnt have alot of money.. and one day things seemed to be ok, and i was to stop by there and drop some things off... i said ok... maybe i will grab a kiss today... reply "lets not complicate things" huh? Turned out the " you have nothing to be concerned" guy had asked her out... this was with in 2 weeks... i was pretty hurt and confused... about a week or 2 later I talked to her a little bit about it... she pointed alot of fingers and said we have no chemistry... she isnt in love with me.... and she doesnt think a counselor would help. Well i am not one to give up on family so easy, so i continued to try and talk to her about things... she said this guy was a mere friendship and she is gonna think about trying to work things out, and still has a strong love for me..she was still angry about the moving out and that was my fault( i do know that, and i apologized from the bottom of my heart) so i waited some time and talked again, just about the same results.. she was still hanging out with this guy and they talk on a regular basis and and she doesnt know how she feels about him, she thinks she just likes all the attention he gives her. well i did not deal with that well... so i tried not to talk to her and she would send me messages.... " i dont like the feeling of you hating me"... "things seem to be going much better there now that im not there"... yet she still isnt intrested in yet fixing things. its been a little over 2 months now and she has come honest with me that she is fond of this guy and is torn between working things out and trying new. help!

I think you need to let her go. It was not a healthy relation. Not good for the kids at all too. I feel she has too many issues to deal with within herself. Her anger, her lack of self confidence, ego and lots of further issues. What makes it worse is she is unwilling to work on the issues. So what are you left with other than to let her go? In any relation there will be issues, anger, pointing fingers etc. But the success and failure come from can both partners sit together and sort it out after the argument?

yeah, i was kind of leaning toward it, was kind of sick of hearing "im an attractive, intelligent lady, 35 and emotionally wise." anyhow i have an appointment to start getting the custody papers going. it is a bummer for me, i would have like to help her overcome some of these issues. Thanks for the reply!