Still lost

The happiest feelings I've ever had were with my ex bf, and the saddest ones, too...but, i'd let him humiliate me, make a fool of me abuse me, cheat on me and even spit in my face again if I could feel one of those happy feelings once more...if there was ever a deal where I could feel one of the happy feelings I felt for just one more time, and in exchange I'd have to take my own life, I'd take the deal in a heartbeat, no questions asked. It's difficult enough to get thru life day after day and night after night with out any joy or happiness or tenderness or love...but then to have to do it alone too is almost unbearable. There isn't a dr or therapist alive that can help...they can't undo what's been done.

Susidq is right but I would like to add. The pain you are going through is as if you are grieving a loved one. Life feels pointless. As if no one can understand you, feel you or relate to you like he did. It hurts and it will hurt until YOU decide to let the pain go. I assume he left you? So why put yourself through this pain when he has moved on and has forgot you? Your life and existence is worth more. Don't let another few years pass, get over him. Just keep reminding yourself, IF he loved you he would have never left you. As hard as it is, move on, make yourself move on otherwise you will be waiting on him for along time.

I think we all can relate to your current situation. I’m actually gon through I guess the pre-stages of that inevitability and it sucks. But I gotta believe that theres hope atleast. I’m coming from the typical guy’s end of the rope so my problem stems from not understanding women. But the end result is still the same as distasteful as it is.

This kind of thinking isn't healthy. You can find someone else who won't be abusive. He made you sad too, remember?