Help-am I being unreasonable?

Do Not Publish Hello, I have a lot of issues and will try to explain things as clearly as possible. I have been married for 21 yrs, but separated for the last year. We have two children aged 18 & 19. My husband is very experimental and likes to wear womens underwear (which I do not like). He also has a bad gambling addiction (fruit machines). About 15 years ago my husband encouraged me to have sex with his friend, I agreed and it was something we both enjoyed together, my husband didn't join in but took part in the situation. I put an end to this after about 4 years as I felt it was causing problems. After this my husband was constantly encouraging me to find another partner for sex. We eventually met another man who I was attracted to and I agreed to do the same thing again. However after a short time my husband said he didn't like me seeing this man and asked me to end it and find someone else. I did not want to go through the situation again so said if I ended it I would not do this again with anyone else. I did not end it as I felt this was my other option but it has caused a lot of anger and resentment. I finished the affair about 3 years ago. Meanwhile my husbands gambling was out of control and he was treating me really bad. The other man I was seeing became a release for me from my unhapy life. I know I should have stopped seeing him straight away but I was also very unhappy with my husbands behaviour. Having ended the affair my husband's behaviour just got worse. We are both self-employed and have a shop each which are both in the same building. I left my husband last year and moved into rented accommodation and stopped running my business. Because of his gambling the house was close to repossession and he asked me to buy him out of his share of the house. I agreed to on the condition that I could go back to running my business as i needed that to pay the mortgage, and he agreed. He has moved into rented accommodation. We have been seeing each other regularly and trying to work things out. However since I met my husband I have had no hobbies or friends and this was one of the reasons we split up. He gets very jealous and possessive, and doesn't like me spending time with anyone else - even our children - unless he is involved. I love dancing but have been unable to go to a nightclub or pub since we married as he doesn't enjoy these things. Our daughter is 19 and asked me to go to salsa classes with her, knowing this is something I have always wanted to do. We have been going for the last four weeks but my husband says I am wrong to do this as it is hurting his feelings. He says I am dancing sexily with other men and he cannot trust me, and that it is all my faut because I have been unfaithful in the past. He is now stopping me from going to work, even though he knows I have no way of paying the mortgage,or even buying food,without it. He says until I respect his feelings and stop dancing this is the way it has to be. I think he is being unreasonable and trying to stop me from being myself, and I also feel I am being bullied - I would never stop him from going to work. I have offered to rent another shop so we have some space but he says I cannot open anywhere else in the same town and that he will close me down if I do. He will not let me get to my stock or pay me the money from stock he has sold for me. He says it is my own fault for cheating on him then disregarding his feelings. Am I being unreasonable or is he? I think I am right to say that if we are to repair our marriage he has to let me be myself and to let me have friends and hobbies. He says I can as long as they don't involve other men or dancing. He has also stopped me seeing a girl friend who is divorced because he thinks we are going to go out looking for men together. He knew when we met that I loved dancing - I used to go to nightclubs 3 times a week just to dance and I stopped all this because he didn't want to go and I didnt want to go without him, but he still gambles and expects me to put up with that whilst sat at home on my own. Please help me, am I being unfair or is he? Is there any chance of us repairing things or should we just accept that too much damage has been done and move on?

hi,read your letter and my bllod was boiling this man sounds like a pig,you have done everything for him had sex with his friends and others all for him,hes controlling and your letting it happen,my advice would be to get rid of him,or start standing up to this bully,hes dragging you down with his gambling,tell hi your going to your salsa classes with your daughter and your friend and if he doesnt like it well tough.your better then this and you deserve better.