Grandchild

My 18 yr old son and his girlfriend ad a baby together and she is 6weeks already. from the first day in hospital they have had FACS on their case my son's girlfriend wasn't and isn't the best mum she really doesnt want the babay she just wants my son. oh she OCD so obsesive part she has for my son. they broke up and i think he felt under presure from all of us to do that but they just cant live together. when they came home from the hospital i had to be with them and watch them everyday for two weeks at the request of FACS. after the two weeks i went back to work and on the following Sunday he girlfriend put the baby in harms way she could have choked and died by her prop feeding her and walking away. i was given a job to do and i had to report the prop feeding then FACS took the baby form both of them even though my son had no idea what had just happen but facs are saying he should have known about it by checking the baby. I was then given temporary care fro the baby for 4 weeks with out pay of course. i got one week into it and i got sick with the flu real bad and so did my husband. i ended up in hospital on a drip as i passed out at home from stress and sick and anxiety so then on all that i had an asthma attack. it was suggested that i put bub into temp care now i'm not so sure it was the right thing to do as i don't know if i;m going to get her back. I'm soooooo down about all this and i have no one to talk to either. please help me i don't know where to turn and what to do. should i take my granddaughter on full-time so my son can get his life together? or do i go back to work and let him sort it out?

Taking care of a baby is a huge responsibilty BUT this IS your grandchild. If you are able to leave work for the time being, I would take the child out of there and have her with you. Again, I understand it is a huge responsibilty and this was no fault of yours but the bottom line is, this child is family. Your son may not be capable of looking after her but you are. Look into what help will be available to you if you do take her in full time. You say the mother does not want the baby but you could change all that. If the baby was with you, your son and his gf would come to visit you and maybe seeing the baby on a regular basis may just make them bond. Again, this is just my opinion but I know that if i was in your situation, i would not be able to sleep at night knowing that my grandchild is in foster care.

I have to admit i think in this circumstance its necessary to give the child over to foster care it sounds like it could have a less complicated future without as much strife to go through. But thats just an opinion.

You will, and by your post, you have already done so, run yourself ragged by attempting to take the baby into your care. Your son and his partner are responsible for the baby in every way. If they can't for whatever reasons, then the baby needs to go to foster care. This may sound cruel and hard, but I speak from personal experience where my eldest daughter and her partner who both had drug problems when their eldest son was born were incapable of looking after him. My then wife and I, at the ages of 38 & 39, attempted to do what you are doing. We failed. At the end of the day, our oldest grandson ended up in foster care for the benefit of ALL involved. I'm happy to say this young man in now 15 and has been reunited with his parents who cleaned up their act and have 4 other healthy, happy children. His first 5 years of foster care speak for themselves. Do not put yourself into an early grave from stress and ill health, instead, do what's best for ALL involved. You are no good to anyone, including yourself, if you are 'crippled', in all aspects, by the situation and the circumstances.

I too have had contact with children/adults (on a professional level) who have been placed in foster care. Each person I have come across is either addicted to drink/drugs, has been sexually abused in foster home, has been in trouble with the police and I guess the list goes on. Yoda72 you have only had the child for a week. IF 6 months had passed, your health was not too good, you felt you were unable to cope and you GENUINLY felt you had done all that you could do then yes, you would have no choice but to place the child back into foster care. Your health is just as important but before the decision is made whether to leave the child in foster care, I think the question that you and your husband must ask yourself is..Did we do everythjng we could have done to stop that baby from going into care? If you answer yes, then I guess the decision is made.

Me, I'm very confused over most of what you report. I'd like to know *how* FACS were on their case from the first day in hospital as I note you didn't say? I'm also wondering how, if your son wasn't present or aware at the time, FACS even came to know of the fact the baby could have (not did, could have) choked and what in your mind qualifies as 'walking away'. Is that, turned her back for a minute or two but was still in the room or actually left the baby completely alone and unattended for a dangerous period? And if unattended, how could you or anyone even KNOW any prop feeding or walking away took place? Also, if the witness wasn't you - doesn't that mean you reported your daughter-in-law - and FACS acted on it - on the basis of mere Hearsay? So if a third party had to have been there when the alleged incident took place, how, logically, can that be construed as having left the baby unattended as then, in your opinion, could have compromised its safety as, again in your opinion, warranted a call to report her to FACS? I mean, didn't you or whomever was there to witness this incident feel it more sensible and productive to in the first instance simply advise the mother with gravitas against ever repeating anything that potentially risky, including explaining why? (Is this her first child?) So..'Had to' report it? And why did FACS request you watch them every day, anyway? Was it an official request? Surely they would have been doing any checking-up themselves over a genuine at-risk case? Or is it that they told you the case as it then stood was insufficient but to feel free to report back should you witness anything further of concern? (And doesn't that take us back full-circle to you first sitting your daughter-in-law down to explain the dangers of unattended prop feeding?) "she really doesnt want the babay she just wants my son" Is that a clinical opinion or just your own? The implication you're making here is that she got pregnant in order solely to get her hooks into him. Do you know that for a fact? How? "they broke up and i think he felt under presure from all of us to do that" Is it really anyone else's business but his when it comes to whosoever he, a full-grown man, chooses to spend his life with (to the point of creating a child with her)? "should i take my granddaughter on full-time so my son can get his life together?" Shouldn't that be, 'so my son AND HIS PARTNER can get their life together (for the sake of the child)'? "care fro the baby for 4 weeks with out pay of course." Pay? What on earth has pay got to do with anything, how is pay relevant? Does the fact you bothered to mention this show you presumed you *would* get paid? Or are you simply trying to convey your self-sacrifice (including the fact your time off work had to be unpaid as created another reason for you opting out of temporary custodianship)? "it was suggested that i put bub into temp care now i'm not so sure it was the right thing to do" So it was actually only a suggestion? By whom, and again, in what format? "should i take my granddaughter on full-time so my son can get his life together? or do i go back to work and let him sort it out?" Let him sort it out? How come previously this seemingly wasn't an option nor even permissable by FACS (hence they 'took the baby from BOTH of them'), but now suddenly is? Yup, very confused. Looking forward, hopefully, to some enlightenment.

PS: Should clarify: I realise he's not *technically* a grown man, but clearly *he* thinks so, given that he risked creating a baby via unprotected sex. Part of being an adult is living with the consequences, right?