Anxiety and relationships!

So...I always seem to have this cycle when it comes to relationships. I push, and I pull constantly. I get nervous of losing my self-control/independence, being hurt and going through the horrific anxiety and depression I have before in past relationships (which I felt I did make my peace with). I think I have worked on myself, being single for a while, and I was rekindled with a high school friend who feels strongly for me, I do, too, some days! One day I'm a hopeless romantic, the next I am an anxious mess who can't even eat. I feel I want to be left alone, I like being a lone, but I do crave a relationship, evolving into marriage and children! I'm all over the place, I need more peace with my past maybe? Nothing too extreme, mostly just my self-inflicting thoughts! I have thought myself into so much depression and anxiety, it's almost funny. I want the balance, I haven't had this anxious crap in a while, I feel It's taking away from me getting ready to start grad school. I know my priorities, but it can take over me and any given moment. In my early 20's it was very bad for me. Always stemming from men, hence not having my father around. So, I hope this all makes sense! Thank you for listening! I'm associating all of this with my past, I hate it!!

I've been having the exact same problem with my relationship too! I know how hard it is, my anxiety always gets really bad during the summer, when I don't have much to do. And it transfers itself onto my relationship! I can't really offer any advice, but you're not alone! I know how hard this is, and hopefully we'll both get through it! I'm also in my mid-20s'

I just turned 31, it has started in my mid-20's. I journal, I exercise and try to have positive mantras. I also go to school for social work so I hope to find out why I do this to myself on occasion. It's not as bad as it use to be, but very annoying! Thank you for responding! WE always do these things to ourselves. It's easy for one to mentally tear themselves up! Self-infliction is the worst! WE must calm our minds!

My first instincts tell me you probably just need more time to "really get to know yourself". Meaning give yourself some time, and identify what it is you'd really like for yourself in the future. (5/10 years) Do not be too hard on yourself, trust yourself, you'll figure it out. You are very young. No need to put such pressure on yourself. Remember, "If it's meant to be, it will work out." Good luck, God Bless!

Thank you. As ironic and funny as it sounds, my undergrad is psychology and my masters is social work and I do have medications. My subconscious can take over everything. I've always been this way. I am going back to therapy to address the underlying issues. It's all self-inflicting, meds or not, I thought I had it under control. I guess I don't! I appreciate everyone's constructive words!

CBT is the best form, I hope to get some of that again! Thank you for the good words!