Husbands work emails

Am I overreacting? These are my husbands work emails I saw, this is he and a female coworker who no longer works in same department. Her: I wanted to check in to see how you are doing? As it's almost been half a year since we talked, seemed hi time to reconnect..... If you have time. If now to busy I understand, just let me know. Him: Even though we haven't spoken directly, I'm sure your ears are burning daily because I talk about you EVERYDAY..... What does your schedule look like at 1:30? PF Changs???

Can you give a bit more info. Eg, do you know this woman? I can see they work together but have you met her in person ie work party, How did you see the emails? Was your husband acting strange just over a year ago? Did any incident occur at work betwern him and her ie she got the promotion which he felt he should have got?

He has always been private with his phone and I never see his work emails. Everything is password protected. I asked to use his computer to edit a doc. Yes I looked at his email bc he was being unusually mean to me. I never interact with his coworkers. I really don't know if they know I exist. I have never been to any Christmas party's etc... I guess they don't have any. He was her boss and she got a promotion to a different department 6 months ago. He is still a higher pay grade than her. Yes a year or so ago I asked about her bc I did notice her calling a lot.

Two thoughts. Some would say it seems like a harmless conversation between two work mates. They have moved departments and have not managed to speak to each other since the move therefore an email was sent. Your husbands reply could be seen as platonic because maybe he has spoken of her most days due to the exceptional work she delivered. The second thought. Something could have occured between them both just over 6 months which probably left them both feeling awkward and now, after a time gap, the female worker decided to contact your husband. Again, if they were working together and nothing did occur, why did it take just over 6 months to talk? Is their office/department that big where they did not even manage to see each other and say hello?. One thing you do need to question is why your husband has everything password protected. You are his wife and in my opinion you do have every right to look into his emails/phone unless the work he does is HIGHLY confidential. You also need to look back to the time when this woman was calling your husband. Do you know why? What were their conversations?. When you asked your husband about the exchage of emails, what was his reply? Reaction?

I don't think pure platonic colleagues use terms like 're-connect'. You connect/make a connection when, say, you experience a meeting of hearts and minds on a dating website. (Note the 're-' part). Neither do you connect or re-connect in business, you tend to 'touch base' or 'compare notes' or whatever else. And nor do pure colleagues talk about each other everyday or say so using capital letters as contains implication by emphasis. Plus 1.30 is lunch-hour...personal time. I'm with you on this, Tina, and I also agree with K's misgivings about why he sees fit to password protect, quote, *everything* from his own WIFE. Simple warranted promotion or an attempt to literally move temptation off his radar? Obviously that effort hasn't proven lastingly successful if she's now trying to reignite contact seemingly out of the blue. I mean, there can't be any business-related need to talk face-to-face or else [1] why the lack of such for 6 long months, [2] why not meet in business hours and at the office rather than 'PF Changs' (Chinese restaurant?) during personal hour? And [3], completely separate departments (to the point of separate locations posing no impediments) tend to communicate through their dept heads. I'd have thought if you felt awkward in hindsight then the very LAST thing you'd do is risk using emotionally loaded words and expressions. I also think it's atrocious that the wife of a man that apparently high up in an organisation has never even once met his staff through even one office function. I'll hand you back to K, but, sorry, Tina, it looks as if some sort of affair is brewing or getting reignited. One vital tip I'll leave you with, however: don't immediately confront your husband. When you do this with a secret adulterer, you can sometimes end up purely tipping him off on how to better cover his tracks in future. Keep your cards close to your chest in order to keep him relaxed and thereby liable to grow laxer and make even more revealing mistakes. Keep a log of all that you find. The perversely good news, however, is that your husband however much consciously clearly wanted you to stumble across these emails. I mean, he's obviously not an idiot with a memory of a golfish, so when you asked to use his computer, on some level he must have realised you might come across them. If he wants that easily and speedily to be found out then perhaps this is a near-affair purely for leverage or greater attention-seeking purposes? That means, using this woman (and her own agenda) purely as his tool to get you to sit up and take notice about something/s. Best of luck.

I did ask him about the email and he told me it was work related. She wanted to come back to his department. I then asked him how did he know that was the reason? The email did not state that, it did say he had not spoken with her in 6 month's. He responded that she called him immediately after the email was sent. Weird bc he responded to the email within a minute. I asked to see his call log and there were no call's from her. Then he proceeded to say she called his office ph. No! He was at home at that time getting read yet o leave. He just cont. to lie until he was so tangled in excuses. He then got angry and threatened a divorce. He refuses to apologize or admit to lying. He tells me I am overreacting and being paranoid. He now is kissing butt and trying too hard. I am so angry, I want to leave. I do not have money or access to any he controls all of the funds. I do not work and have not in 13 years bc that is what he wanted.

Your husband's actions of everything password protected speaks volumes. A marriage should be open and accountable. Your last post tells us what the real issue is and that's that you have a relationship lacking trust among other things. If your husband threatens divorce because you simply asked him a couple of questions and were told lies as answers then where is your marriage at? Go see a lawyer and find out where you stand.

I agree with everything MANALONE has just pointed out. Tina, don't you waste your energy by worrying ONE JOT about the fact he holds the purse strings. Plenty of solicitors take zero money from women (or men) in your position until such time as the court-ordered settlement amount lands in your bank account. They also offer a free consultation so that you can know where you'll stand on both financial and practical levels. There's no obligation to act on the consultation and take things further, but many find all fear-based obstacles removed from the decisions equation once they've had it (to the point where they're raring to go), which is great because the only factors to be weighed up should be [1] does he truly love and respect me (and I him)?, and [2] great, so he loves me, but *WHAT* loves me?! Furthermore, women who were financially uninvolved or controlled tend 9 times out of 10 to find themselves *far* wealthier after the split. Keeping you out of a chunk of his life, keeping you at a distance from what should be shared wealth and assets, not considering the impact of this latest action... All these things are expression of an underlying core attitude (over-entitlement, usually involving a sense that he'll get away with it because he's positioned you to think you can't survive without him). IMO, he over-reactingly mentioned a divorce because he's guilty and trying to take the focus off himself and his crime and onto you, as well as instill fear and panic in you so you'll cease all further enquiries on the matter. It's a very common reaction. One exception is where they're innocent but have had to field all such accusations, without reasonable grounds, on a regular basis and have reached the end of their tether (which doesn't sound like this case). Those were very insightful points and questions you levelled at him, btw, so you're obviously doing well at keeping your head under high stress (bravo!). EXCELLENT news that you haven't worked for 13 years!!! Ensure that doesn't change prior to the divorce, either. It'll guarantee a fatter one-off settlement or monthly maintenance figure. Another fear to put paid to: divorce is not final. For starters, the respondent (him) can obviously try to convince the petitioner (you) to cease the action any time he likes. Even if it goes to Decree Absolut, it's not exactly unknown for the couple to reconcile at some point (where appropriate). In reality, whether it feels like it or not right now, you (finally) have all the power, hold all the cards... which by his actions he's GIVEN you. So if you want to use this event as your chance to set for yourself far better terms and conditions now and forevermore, and assuming that's do-able, then by all means do. That, however, all depends on him and whether he shows - that's SHOWS, not says (blah-blah-blah) - he truly regrets his disloyalty or actual breakage of the marital contract, to the extent where you can be sure he'll never ever go there again. After all, *every* marriage is expected to hit the odd rough patch, including one spouse feeling they've lost the other's attention and at a loss to know how to gain it back. But that's simply no excuse for dallying on whatever level either sexually or even 'just' emotionally with another woman. It's called, tap on the shoulder followed by "Can you and I have a serious talk, please, because I'm really not happy?", or a letter..or email...phone conversation... suggesting couples counselling; ...flippin' carrier pigeon if remedying a situation is really the protagonist's aim! There are 50 ways to keep your lover. Let's see what he's truly made of, then, shall we?

Tina the post here offer u wonderful advice. I also understand that when a woman is kept by a man and she has no experience other than a housewife that it's not easy to walk away. It also sounds like that if he did have an affair he has stopped for now but it will happen again. I'm curious how affectionate he has been with you in the last few years. Does he make you feel attracted? Does he compliment you? What kind of sex life do you have? Maybe he has falling out of love or maybe he is only staying out of connivence. Either way it's selfish

We have had a rocky relationship for many years. I have been kept under the radar for many years. I believe he has narcissistic behaviors. He keeps me away from my family and now I have no friends because non are acceptable for him. Years ago i questioned him about a similar situation. The result was me going to jail for assault, yes I smacked him. He said things that you don\'t say. I was wrong for smacking him. He made everyone believe I was crazy. His coworkers, friends, my family and his. I ended up going to jail for assault 3x in two years. I did not put my hands on him the last two times. Scared I just cooperated with his rules, never being able to leave the house without a time limit and having zero access to money. Eventually I developed a addiction to pain pills. After a while I could not keep up with the demand my body had for the medication. I needed help and asked for it. Big mistake!!! This is now used to his advantage. I now am a \"violent drug addict\" \"unemployed\" loser who deserves \"nothing\". I wanted to get a job, he demanded I stay home. Sober and now years later that is still my label. After I questioned another coworker issue. I was mentally battered to the point of agreeing I was back on pills (I was not) and sent to rehab (sober) just to make it stop. Our sex life is good, he always has a high demand for sex with the exception of last year. He has wanted sex more since I confronted him about this recent email. He rarely compliment\'s me and always blames me for everything that goes wrong in life. I love him why? Because there are good times, yes when I cooperate. Pathetic, I know. I have children and I am scared for them if I attempt to leave. He will stop at nothing to make me pay and look good doing it. I need solid proof, so I\'ve decided to let up and secretly collect proof of everything I claim. It is hard to accomplish with him controlling my every move.

What a prize controller/git! Ugh. No, that's *his* still-label. He couldn't use it in court because it's too long past. Sounds like you have all the work and none of the perks, as well as get driven to distraction into the bargain. I imagine, then, perversely, you're quite pleased he's now dealt what I call the Final Insult, eh? Listen... An abusive relationship is never all bad times. Of course there are good times. If there weren't, a woman would have to be fruit-loopy to stay. Try googling Cycle of Abuse. However, I don't call times 'good' if they necessarily have to include you walking on eggshells. Those aren't good times, those are merely least dire times. Don't make the mistake too many psychologically and financially abused women make in thinking your kids will suffer forevermore if you leave. The welfare of dependent kids hinges directly, firstly and foremostly on the mother's optimum welfare and contentedness. FACT. Also, you don't need to collect evidence, you just need to petition for a divorce on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour or irreconcilable differences (or all 3). He can't take your kids off of you unless he can prove, repeat PROVE - to a COURT'S satisfaction, that you seriously neglect or abuse them. We're talking serious alcholics, drug-addicts...leaving broken glass or spent needles around for little bare feet, failing to give them meals, and so on and so forth. Courts are very experienced when it comes to types like him and their attempts to 'stick it to the spouse' using the kids/money/whatever as their pawns, INCLUDING how a woman can finally lose self-control simply because she lacked the patience and tolerance of a saint! Any fool who thinks he can pull the wool over the eyes of the highest authority in the land is going to end up sorely disappointed as well as £penalised for his gross arrogance and disrespect as indirectly/underhandedly as the judge can get away with. Do not let these mere fearful imaginings or threats put you off, therefore. Go chat to a solicitor. PS: Re evidence (that you don't even need): You must obviously have a copy of his email to this (cough!) colleague given you duplicated it in here?