Relationship problems

A man came to do some odd jobs and we hit it off. both divorced tho he is not over his wife cheating and leaving him for an old flatme..they are now married and have been for almost 2 years. I love this man but cannot get him to commit to me. We became friends . then friends with benifits but I have fallen for him... There are lots of issues going on... he has lots of friends from throughout his 23 year stretch from meeting his ex through marriage divorce etc. who he still sees. one of these couples he sees at least once a week and the wife in this couple does not like me and makes snide comments all the time ... loads of them have been passed and we have argued over him.. and I have said to her she shouldnt argue over him as she is married to one of his friends.... any way I do feel like this man has some feelings for me but is afraid to show it and he actually denies being able to feel any emotions... except for his bird and his chicken.... but there are ways he shows it.. I was ill at his one friday night and he wouldnt let me.. not in a nasty way. go home.. he cared for me all weekend and changed 5 lots of bedsheets and cleaned up 3 bathrooms... I had a big row with my ex one weekend and called him for a virtual hug and he sent me a big one... I then bumped into him out of the blue just driving round trying to clear my head. and he cancelled no callall his plans for the weekend and cared for me again. but we went away with his friends for a few days and she caused arguments again.. stupid things like her husband asked how my job was going ( Registered childminder ) and before I could answer she butted in "I dont know why peple have children and go to work and leave them with people like you ! , obv I answered her back and it caused a row. then he took me to one side and said ignore her.. so I did but she kept giving snide remarks. I was upset about this so when we came home i dropped him off and drove home without saying bye... I did not hear from him then for 3 weeks , in whih time it was my birthday and he ignored it.. no card . no text no call.............. a few days later he made contact over a job he was gonna do for me and we ended up having a meal together.. he showed me the card he had got then which was a jokey one. but said he hadnt sent it or contacted me as I was the one who had driven off without saying bye. well i have seen him a couple of times since.. then last week he asked me to go over for a meal which i did and he cooked a loveley meal.. one thing led to another .... you know what i mean. and then I stayed the night ... I left sat morning as he had work and i had things to do.. I aske if I could see hi sunday as it was going to be a nice day.. he said it depended on wheter he had finished his jobs (hes self employed too ) . so saturday night I called and he said he still had one job to finish.. so I asked if he could make time for me.. he said I have to do job , then do my chores. then I am going out with xxxxx two more of his friend.s. My reply was well Im dissapointed as the couple with the awkward wife are away for a few weeks I thought I would see more of you.. and I also said I would help with chores... I have in the past and we have had fun doing them together. like a couple if you see what I mean... we have a laugh .. but this time he replied Why dont you do your own chores... i said im busy and then im going out with.... then he started reading somehtig when I asked what it was it was how to fix a problem on his car. so he wasnt even listening to me... so I said i was going. I put the phone down then sunday I was hurting and i ended up senidng him an email ... I wont put it all on her but an shortening version... I cant beleive you can be so intimate with me on Friday then be so rude to me on Saturday and ot even listen.. to me... well i feel used and abused and dont think I can be your friend anymore and you dont have any respect for me... well i sent that and have had no reply at all.... thing is tho i really hurt and keep thinking i should now apologise. my one good friend who has been with me through the 18 months of this says I should just leave it and find somenoen else.. bt i keep thinking i should apologise any thoughts please.. all comments welcome

Your first paragraph of your post should tell you where the problem is. If he's not over his marriage breakdown, then he's no good to anyone until he is. How do you expect him to act after he says he's emotionally shutdown? How can expect him to react to you and what you want from him? He's proven to you that he cares for you when he can and if he chooses to pick the times when he does care for you, then he doesn't love you as you love him. He sees the relationship as fwb. It's not his fault that the wife of his friend makes snide remarks to you but you are in the wrong for driving off without saying goodbye after spending time with him. Your actions spoke and his advice was the best when he said to ignore her. Why give her the satisfaction? You need to understand, that if this man was truly interested in you and was capable of loving you properly, then he would. While you allow yourself to continue to try and make something out of a fwb situation, you will continue to wonder whether you should apologise.