Is my relationship over

I don't know where to start except to say that my partner and I had a huge fight two nights ago, he walked out and hasn't spoken to me since. I text him once asking him how he could accuse me of not accepting his kids when I pick one of them up from school every day and I buy them presents on their birthays and christmas and include the 16 year old in family things we do. The older son is 19 and has his own life. This all started because I invited my partner and his son to a fathers day bbq, but neglected to ask the oldest son. The younger boy isn't to keen on my relationship with his dad and at times this really shows. He makes nasty comments and his dad does not pull him up on this. His boys can do no wrong. I have two kids 8 and 11 he yelled at me that every thing is made about them. Then he stormed out. We don't live together but he stays at mine often. We have been together for over a year but had been good friends for 9 years. I don't know what to do he wont talk to me, I don't know if we are finished or if he is just angry. It hurts so much being egnored.

It's called The Silent Treatment and if a regular feature of bog-standard disagreements, is considered bona fide abusive. I don't buy that, though. I think you have to have the INTENTION to be abusive to warrant being called such, as well as to be untoward in more than that one fashion. Otherwise, it's just what I call your typical sulkie blokie (mum and susbsequent relationship partners always let him get away with it) who can't hack the fact that even under emotional or mental duress you can argue like a top barrister, meaning he can't compete on an equal footing. It is bl**dy painful, though, particularly if you're a fix-it-quick merchant. Does he always sulk like this/for this long or is this a first? Has he by whatever degree raised this kids issue before? If not then he's just batting back, trying to hurt your feelings in the heat of the moment. As well, kids often can do no wrong in the estranged father's eyes; it's typical in his situation given how within the marriage he'd have seen it their relationship with their mother was always the strongest (or so they think). He's usually too scared to upset them (status insecurity) or loath/tired to have to deal with it (mind already too busy with dealing with divorce aftermath) so tries too hard to keep them on an even keel. That tends to remedy itself over time. Not that it was strictly diplomatic to exclude the eldest son, given that it was FATHER'S Day of all days, but I get that you assumed (whoops - ASS, U, Me) he'd be too busy doing his own thing as usual. So that's just an honest oversight, isn't it.. no real call for a humdinger. And as you illustrated, it's not an habitual behaviour on your part, anyway, whereas the direct opposite is. What IS call for a humdinger barnie is the fact you've been together beyond the year mark and have separate kids and loyalties which as yet need to become meshed. You and he as individuals will have finished chivvying for your respective power positions, but now it's time to allocate pack statuses to the betas of the pack on their behalves. So no, in my opinion it's not over, it's just a second-level reshuffling. However, it requires negotiation and conflict skills. He can't compete with his mouth so he's gone one step further in holding your present emotional welfare to ransom in order to "win". Don't let him believe it's worked or he'll label the tactic Magic Worm and keep it in a jar for next time aaaand the next.... Obviously you don't pretend it didn't bother you a jot. But the difference in terms of outcome and future deterrent will lay between whether you react Overwrought/Victimised or Ticked Off/DISTINCTLY UNIMPRESSED. Obviously, you want to demonstrate the latter, only *not* with your mouth; vibes and actions/reactions only. And don't do it atop his radar, either, or you'll only rouse his ego again. Be subtle. An example is this: he makes contact (and it should be his turn given you texted), expecting you to fall relieved into his arms, all in a hurry to discuss and re-agree, and instead, despite sounding like your normal self (albeit with a soupcon of new coolness and formality - "More tea, vicar?"), you're caught up in something, meaning he can't ring back or come round until however much later (DON'T OVERDO IT). The idea is to make him start to worry his knee-jerk overreaction has achieved the opposite of what he hoped. I call it The Boomerang. Whatever unreasonable amount of sh*t he throws at you ends up causing *him* the most grief. That's how to train someone into not repeating something... you make it not worth THEIR while. DON'T CRACK whilst you're waiting for him to make contact. Wait without waiting. Find whatever you can to keep your hands and mind busy so that the time passes more quickly. Obviously, if he holds out for some wholly unreasonable length of time (2 weeks seems to be the global limit), you text him to say such behaviour is utterly unacceptable from a relationship partner and that either you're done OR that he's forcing you to have a serious re-think on that score (or you decide either silently to yourself without informing him of a damn thing, with him then at liberty to come grovelling in order to change the apparancy of your mind). Hope that helps.